“…earlier in the day, [Bush] spent more than an hour having what he described as a “candid and open exchange of views” on democratic values with Russian President Vladimir Putin. Just the two presidents and their interpreters were in the room.
_____________________
BUSH: So… Pooty poot. The pootster. Pootalicious…
PUTIN: Yes.
BUSH: How’s the whole, um, “democracy” thing working for you?
PUTIN: Fine, fine.
BUSH: Really?
PUTIN: Oh yes. Democracy’s working great for us. We’re 100% committed to it.
BUSH: Good, good.
[pause.]
BUSH: Because, y’know… Oh, nevermind.
PUTIN: No, what?
BUSH: It’s silly.
PUTIN: No, I want to hear it.
BUSH: Oh, it’s just that, you know, people talk.
PUTIN: Yes…
BUSH: They say things about you taking over the media, repressing dissent, exempting you and your people from conventional rules…
PUTIN: Taking over the media? You mean, like planting my surrogates in amongst a supposedly “free” press? And by “repressing dissent,” you mean like allowing any dissenters to be persecuted and excoriated as “unpatriotic” without a word from me while passing a raft of “security” laws that allow an unprecedented amount of spying and monitoring? And by “exempting me and my people from conventional rules,” do you mean, like, smoothing the way for my cronies to land big fat government contracts without a fair bidding war? Are those the kinds of things that you’re referring to?
BUSH: Er…
PUTIN: If those kinds of things aren’t okay, just let me know. And if I’ve been misleading my people in order to achieve my own political ends, please let me know about that as well…
BUSH: Um.
[Long pause.]
BUSH: Pooty-poot.
PUTIN: Bushy-wushy.
BUSH: Yes indeed.
PUTIN: Yup.
[Long pause.]
BUSH (getting up): Well, I gotta go.
PUTIN: Me too.
BUSH: Got a… thing.
PUTIN: Leadership’s full of those.
BUSH: Yeah. Uh, see ya.
PUTIN: Yup.
[END TRANSCRIPT]
Fanny Roborat
32 comments
Trackback from Simianbrain - Bush and Putin on Democracy
February 27, 2005 at 5:44 pm
Trackback from Simianbrain - Bush and Putin on Democracy
February 27, 2005 at 5:44 pm
ECS
February 25, 2005 at 4:36 pm
1I’m not sure if I just wet myself laughing or if those are bitter, bitter tears…
bjd
February 25, 2005 at 5:16 pm
2dammit, who left a tape recorder on again?!?! THAT’S IT, NO MORE RECORDING DEVICES!
Mike Z
February 25, 2005 at 5:51 pm
3Good work, Adam. That pretty much captures the silliness of Bush lecturing anybody on the details of a free democracy.
If anything, Bush was probably getting some pointers from Putin on how to take things to the next level. Or maybe he was just learning some new judo moves.
Jim
February 25, 2005 at 6:08 pm
4I missed the press conference from the point right after Bush made a few lame jokes that fell flat & repeatedly refered to Putin as “Vladimir.”
(By the way, the look on Vlad’s face….priceless).
Just curious, Did pooty-poot ever refer to Bush as George?
Deno the Untergeek
February 25, 2005 at 6:30 pm
5Hahah….Pooty-poot. Appropriate name for Mother Russia’s next dictator-supreme.
David
February 25, 2005 at 6:37 pm
6This whole Old Europe charm offensive was really making me want to regurgitate. The coverage by the cheerleader-prone stenographic press corps has been more than I can abide. Then I read this transcript of the secretly taped conversation between the Stalinist Soul Brothers, and a smile returned to my beleagured psyche. You da man, Adam.
Murray
February 25, 2005 at 7:42 pm
7So the man that republicans would overwhelmingly elect over George Washington looked into the eyes, and saw the soul of Vlad the Impaler,, opps I mean Vladimir Putin and declared him good.
Works for me.
Emmarie
February 25, 2005 at 8:02 pm
8As someone who is working on a Waiting for Godot production right now, I find the name Vladmir extremely disturbing in someone I’m supposed to take seriously.
I’d like to give an interpretation of their conversation as a Didi/Gogo one, but I haven’t a good idea for it right now.
dee
February 25, 2005 at 10:29 pm
9Emmarie — and don’t forget to include the scene of George doing The Bush, instead of The Tree.
The No Credibility Tour 2005 was rather amusing. Never have so many hidden their real feelings so poorly.
Isaac B2
February 26, 2005 at 12:06 am
10LOL! Thanks! (P.S. “Nobody Knows Anything” sent me.)
jr
February 26, 2005 at 1:23 am
11I nearly went off the road laughing when I heard Bush say
Ananna
February 26, 2005 at 3:08 am
12Call me isolationist, but the situation in the U.S. scares me more. :/
Love,
Hanna
Allan
February 26, 2005 at 9:16 am
13Then why be isolationist? This would be the time to reach out to other countires, just not through our current leadership.
Buffalo Gal
February 26, 2005 at 10:51 am
14The mental image of the interpreters solemnly interpreting “Pooty-poot” and “Bushy-Wushy” is priceless.
Tiffany
February 26, 2005 at 1:49 pm
15This is beautiful, Adam, if a little too close to accurate to be comfortable.
tess
February 26, 2005 at 6:38 pm
16Mike Z,
Yes, I can see that Bush would be having candid conversations on Judo techniques with Vladimir Putin, the man who was photographed wearing socks with his gi. I mean, both men flout conventions, so why not reintroduce eye-gouging, fish-hooking, and crotch-grabbing into judo matches?
Of course, if their opponent uses the same techniques, I imagine that both men would cry ‘foul’ so shrilly that you’d think that they were eunachs.
Linkmeister
February 26, 2005 at 9:48 pm
17jr, Dan Froomkin of WaPo found that a little odd, too. I’ve reprinted a portion of his reply here.
John D.
February 27, 2005 at 8:36 pm
20Adam,
Bravo! LOL hysterical! However, the sad and scary part is that the average American would not understand that piece, and even if they did, they would disagree. The “we-can-do-no-wrong” attitude that is so prevalent gives me great concern for the future of our country. I missed the speech that jr refers to, but that is a priceless bit of irony. I suspect that most just accepted it at face value and failed to see it for the duplicitous fiction that it is. I will summarize the current state of the foreign policy debate in this country as follows:
Me: I think that perhaps our current policy in the mid-east is not the absolute best course of action at this time.
Right-wing-attack-machine: Why do you hate America?
Sad, but true.
John D.
Amy Lin
February 28, 2005 at 12:49 pm
21As a dual Russian-Political Science major with an interest in post-Soviet Russian foreign policy. . . man. Kudos. And thanks for writing my term paper for me.
(PS: You forgot the part about waging an unpopular war against Muslim insurgents while the army falls into disrepair.)
Mary
February 28, 2005 at 2:11 pm
22W must hate it when people point out his “domestic problems”.
RWN Dan
February 28, 2005 at 3:26 pm
23This works equally well if you substitue Hillary’s name for Bush and Howard Dean’s name for Putin.
Hillary: So…Deany Weenie!
Howard: Yes Hilly Billy?….
Thompson
February 28, 2005 at 4:03 pm
24Well, not quite as well. For instance, neither Howard Dean nor Hillary Clinton have nuclear arsenals to the best of my knowledge. Additionally, fears of Ms. Clinton invading Iran or Mr. Dean pushing for fraudulent regime stabilization in a former satellite state are at all time lows.
But I do have to admit, “Hilly Billy” and “Deanie Weenie” are cute. -grin-
bjd
February 28, 2005 at 8:48 pm
25HOWARD DEAN HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. BUSH LAUNCHES PREEMPTIVE WAR ON DNC. Film at 11.
Katie
March 1, 2005 at 12:11 am
26Sat through a surreal ceremony Friday that reminds me of this. The 724th Army Reserve Co came home last week. This is the Company that SPC Keith (Matt) Maupin belongs to. (He being the only captured US soldier. He was captured on April 9, 2004) They lost 2 other soldiers in the same attack, and suffered many serious injuries.
So, the auditorium was set for their ‘Welcome Home’, and up front were the memorials to the dead (a pair of boots holding an inverted M16, dog tags hanging off the rifle, Kevlar helmet with name and rank resting on the butt of the weapon. Very Chilling.) Next to that is a huge picture of Maupin, and a wreath, and several of the news stories about him.
Lt. Gen Helmley was there, and gave an ‘Ammurucn Hero’ speech worthy of W. Talking about how good it was that they were there and how wonderful it is to ‘make the ultimate sacrifice’ in the name of freedom. He went on to say that the Iraqi people are so much better off, and ended by telling these troops that they would probably rotate back within the next year or 2.
Maupins parents are sitting front and center. Next to them is the mother of one of the dead. scattered throughout are service men and women that are blind, lame, and otherwise permanently injured.
Everyone is clapping at the appropriate times, cheering for America and God’s Army. I just wanted to jump up and scream, “are any of you THINKING about all of this??!! WHERE does this make any sense?!!”
But, I’m there is my uniform, playing for the living and the dead; and that is a question I cannot ask the head of the Army Reserve.
On a side note… my sister is home, at least in body. I’m not sure how much of my sister really came home.
David
March 1, 2005 at 1:55 am
27Katie,
I’ve already tried twice, unsuccessfully, to say something I thought might be of value to you. I guess that’s why Adam included the “Cancel” option.
A very good friend who came back from Viet Nam apparently ok, but who caused me to wonder just what you said regarding your sister, needed a year to repair the stress fractures. One of the things he did was to read everything he could by Hemingway. He offered no great pronouncements. He was too honest and too realistic for that sort of thing, unlike the head of the Army Reserve that you mention.
You are right, it is surreal and in truth makes no sense. I was very much affected by your posting.
Sometimes it seems to me, especially since collectively Americans seem to have learned none of the lessons of war, that all we can do is play for the living and for the dead, all of them.
Firster
March 1, 2005 at 9:09 am
28I have never seen such sick and depraved comments about our great nation and it’s upstanding christian leadership pout so eloquently. er… How can I sign up for this stuff full time?
Murray
March 1, 2005 at 5:54 pm
29Katie,
It’s his job to be a cheerleader. It’s his duty to make those who have lost their limbs, sight or life glad for their sacrifice. Of course nothing makes sense, how could it? And those who cheered, they have a need to believe, to believe that their sacrifice was noble and for a worthy cause.
You were watching those who need to convince, and those who need to believe. Reality has no place here.
Hopefully your sister is strong enough to heal completely in time.
hedera
March 2, 2005 at 12:02 am
30Katie, at least she made it home. That’s the first big step. Once that’s accomplished you - she - both of you - can start working on the other issues. David’s Vietnam friend did it by reading Hemingway, but I’ve never been sure how much Hemingway appeals to the female reader. On the other hand, I myself have never read him, so what do I know?
David
March 2, 2005 at 1:46 pm
31Hemingway didn’t really know who women were. Hence the only real depth was in his male characters.
War is still a male activity into which females have been allowed, so it is possible that Hemingway might open up some windows into that world, as did Crane.
An interesting question for me is whether women in foreign combat see themselves as alternative male warriors or as female warriors. I say foreign because I suspect that indigenous women fighting to protect themselves are part of something more basic and more universal, although everything in this paragraph really is a question, and a question I suspect only women who have experienced combat can answer.
If I were Katie’s sister, it’s something I would want to write about. I think it would be published. Maybe there’s some valid stuff out there I just don’t know about.
HoneyPot
March 4, 2005 at 2:48 pm
32One can only imagine Vladimir Putin thoughts on being lectured to in Brussels by President Bush about “a free press, a vital opposition, the sharing of power and the rule of law”
Would his thoughts include images of “free press” journalists pocketing wads of White House cash for spouting pro-administration propaganda?
Or barricaded, marginalized free-speech zones and handcuffed American dissenters on their way to jail?
Or disenfranchised black voters, rigged e-voting machines and the steady Republican assault on our institutional system of checks and balances?
How about some graphic scenes of torture at Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib?
While Putin might be well-advised to adopt the reforms Bush recommends, American democracy as represented by the Bush administration isn’t the example Putin should follow.
In fact, America would be far better off if Bush followed his own advice.