WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Two years after shutting what critics called a deceptive propaganda office, the Pentagon is embroiled in a new high-level debate over how to polish the fading U.S. image abroad, defense officials said on Monday.
The discussion, also involving the White House and State Department, has been sparked by increasing violence and deaths in Iraq, the war on terrorism and a perception in much of the Muslim world that America is the enemy…
Three weeks ahead of the Marine-led offensive in Falluja, a Marine Corps spokesman, 1st Lt. Lyle Gilbert, went on CNN to make an announcement suggesting the all-out assault had begun.
U.S. officials said Gilbert’s televised remarks were intended to fool rebels in Falluja into believing the offensive had begun in order to scout how they would defend themselves in a city that at the time was a sanctuary for the insurgency.
A military official, who asked not to be named, said the ploy may have “gained some tactical-level advantage” for Marines on the ground, but asked: “In the big strategic picture, what was the cost” to U.S. military credibility?
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From: Paul Wolfowitz
To: Interdepartmental Image Transformative Task Force
Re: New Approaches
Guys,
First, let me reiterate that I think this is all a load of bullshit.
Any malcontents will eventually turn to terrorism, and any terrorists will eventually find themselves dead. But it’s my job to present where we are on this right now, so here goes.
Here at defense, we’re looking at testing a few Arabic language TV spots. GI’s giving away candy, statues toppling, a rape room being turned into a daycare center. Sentimental music plays, and then we hit ‘em with the slogan: “America: It’s For Your Own Good.” We’re also looking into a set of humorous spots featuring “Sheik Spitsalot,” a funny, ranting, hook-nosed cartoon cleric who just doesn’t get it and ends up getting anvils dropped on him and falling off cliffs and whatnot. It’s a pretty simple message for Muslim kids: Don’t be like Sheik Spitsalot!
We were also playing with another character for teens - “Mo-hommad,” a lisping, mincing terrorist leader. See, it tells those hip teens in the Middle East that terrorism is, like, totally gay, dude! I liked it, but a couple of guys down in Int. Ops. killed it. Oh well…
The State Department has sent us a few suggestions. Remember them? They used to shape international policy! Just kidding, guys.
Anyway, a lot of their stuff was full of finger waggling, like “Stop with the torture already” and “Don’t tell an entire city that they’re under attack when they’re not.” Thanks pals, I’ll call you the next time I need a dirty hippy to empty my trash bins. [Just joshing, love you guys, etc.]
Anyway, State did have an idea for some advertising. It’s a series of posters that portray Uncle Sam pushing a Muslim kid on a playground swing. What? I thought Norman Rockwell filled out his “Do Not Resuscitate” card! lol! But it’s not a bad start. Put a Marine in the background disciplining a terrorist kid and it might work. The whole carrot and stick thing.
And we got some great submissions from the White House. Mr. President, I particularly loved your slogan suggestions: “America - I’m Lovin’ It,” “You’re in Good Hands With the US,” and “America: It’s What’s for Breakfast.” There are some legal issues there, but excellent work, sir. Mr. Vice President, a lot of us enjoyed your suggestion of “America: Love Us Or We’ll Fuck You Dead,” but I suspect you’re not quite entering into the spirit of the thing here.
We don’t have to decide right away on any procedural or propaganda initiatives, so let’s keep those creative juices flowing. Remember, the first step towards recovery is admitting that you have a problem.
And I don’t see any reason to do that at the moment. lol! rotflmao!
Best,
Wolfie





13 comments
Scott
December 13, 2004 at 6:22 pm
1umm. what’s ‘rotflmao’ ?
Is that some kind of acronym they used to use at state?
Maybe we could make an acronym for the slogan
ALUOWFUD for cheny’s. It even sounds kind of arabic.
Dee
December 13, 2004 at 6:48 pm
2rotflmao is a long-lived (well, as long as online chat has been around) acronym for Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off. Wolfie would have learned it on the internets.
I kinda like having Cheney as the Quaker Oats guy “Nothing is better for thee than ME!”
tim
December 13, 2004 at 8:47 pm
3How about:
A Li’l Dubya’ll Do Ya!
Better Living Through High Explosives
Just Kill It
Nobody Doesn’t Like Condolee…zza
Please Don’t Squeeze The Improvised Explosive Device
Our Diplomats Are The Loneliest Guys In Town
We Love To Maim And It Shows
and..
The US: The Other White Oppressors
tess
December 13, 2004 at 9:21 pm
4While we’re at it, how ’bout:
With a name like Abu Ghraib, it has to be good.
In life, there are civillian casualties, enemy combatant body counts. Which one are you?
Everyone goes cuckoo for Condoleeza!
Marg
December 13, 2004 at 11:01 pm
5Ok, how ’bout this one…
“This is your brain.”
A SILENCE, BROKEN BY THE CALL TO PRAYER FROM NEAREST MOSQUE, FAINT CHEER AS SADDAM APPEARS ON BALCONY OF NEAREST PALACE
“This is your brain when the US is bombing the shit out of your country and telling you it’s what you need us to do. And do some more. And keep on doing.”
SOUND FX: BAM, KA-BOOM, CRASH, RAT-A-TAT-TAT, INCOMING AIRCRAFT, FOLLOWED BY BIG ‘SPLOSIONS, THEN EVEN BIGGER ‘SPLOSIONS
VISUAL FX: POOLS OF BLOOD, GORE, OIL FIRES, RUBBLE, FLYING BODY PARTS, EXPLODING CARS, WEEPING AND LIMBLESS CHILDREN, GRINNING FEMALE SOLDIER HOLDING NAKED IRAQUI PRISONER ON LEASH… ETC.
“Any questions??”
Mary Kay
December 14, 2004 at 8:40 am
6We just need to explain to Iraq that they have to go with the country they have, not the one they might want or the one they might wish to have at a later time. That will make them feel better.
Mary
December 14, 2004 at 9:12 am
7How about “Do it our way, or else” ?
Skerlnik
December 14, 2004 at 11:27 am
8“I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Democracy!”
You’re not fully democratized unless you’re Zestfully democratized.
“Can you bomb us now? Good!”
Every Kiss Begins With W
GWB: We Bring Bad Things To Death
Like a Good Neighbor, State Dept. is there
(Shot of ticking time bomb:) “Set it and Forget it!”
The New Chevy SubTurban
USA: It’s Tali-BAN-tastic!
Come Mr. Taliban, tally me banana
wait, I’ve gotten way off course, here…
Ken
December 14, 2004 at 1:11 pm
9**Tag Lines for American Imperialism**
Marines: We kill insurgents dead!
The Bush Doctrine: When you absolutely, positively have to have democracy overnight.
Eight out of ten insurgents will tell you: ‘when I want to bomb someone, I bomb Americans!’
America: we don’t make your government, we just make your government better.
A series of billboards on the road between Kuwait City and Bagdhad:
1. The road to democracy
2. Is full of bumps.
3. But we’ll be here,
4. While the oil pumps.
5. Burmashave.
(off-hand, wouldn’t that be ‘Myanmarshave’ nowadays?)
Murray
December 14, 2004 at 7:31 pm
101300 American soldiers dead -$100,000,000,000
100,000 Iaqis’ dead-100,000,000,000
Bush elected- Priceless
Fishmael
December 15, 2004 at 12:06 am
11[Slightly off topic: ]
I heard an announcer on an NPR station (KUOW, Seattle) say, during a break for last week’s Wait Wait, that “Iraq was getting its Shiites together”.
hedera
December 15, 2004 at 12:23 am
12I do love “Come, Mr. Taliban, tally me banana”…
pjk
December 16, 2004 at 5:30 am
13From the fine folks who brought you Operation Iraqi Freedom, it’s Operation Oxymoron!
(A tiny little division of the U.S. Defense Department, staffed by people who were called up from their civilian subdivision-naming jobs).