I’ve just returned from a Wait Wait taping, and this afternoon I’ll be heading off to the wedding of two of my closest friends… so today, children, we’ll be doing a group project. Ready? It’s called the “Predict Headlines From Bush’s 2nd Term Game.” The rules are encapsulated by the game’s name, and the playground is the Comments box. I’ll get us started:

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NORTH KOREA DEVELOPS “SUPER NUKE”; U.S. INVADES YEMEN
A mere six hours after beginning, “Operation Frequent Flyer” has proved a rousing success…

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FOURTH PATRIOT ACT PASSES BY WIDE MARGIN
Tackling the problems of “treasonous speech,” “thoughtcrime,” and “looking all faggy,” Congress passed its latest salvo in the war on terror…

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HIGH COURT RULES LIFE BEGINS ON “THIRD DATE”
Prodded by the Bush’s administration’s repeated citing of the dictionary definition of conception as “The act of forming a general idea or notion,” the Supreme Court today…

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BUSH TO RUN FOR 3RD TERM, SLAMS DEMOCRAT JESUS
His Second Coming seemed promising at first, but today the Bush campaign lashed out at Mr. Christ, branding him as “out of touch with mainstream Christian values.” Polls show an increasing number of voters feel that Christ is soft on defense, and it seems that the ads from “Last Supper Diners for Truth” has done some real damage…

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Have fun, and play nice…