ST. CLOUD, Minn. (Reuters) - President Bush said on Thursday freedom was on the march in Iraq even as a U.S. intelligence report depicted a bleak outlook for the country’s future.

Bush insisted the U.S. strategy in Iraq, where more than 1,000 U.S. troops have died, was working as he campaigned in Minnesota…

“In Iraq, there’s ongoing acts of violence,” Bush told a rally here. But he added, “Freedom is on the march.”

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There’s no doubt about it, Freedom is on the march in Iraq. Freedom is patrolling the skies. Earlier this week, Freedom dropped a bunch of explosives on Fallujah, killing some of its enemies and some women and children.

The message is clear - if you’re an Iraqi, and you’re contemplating violent dissent, think again. Freedom will find you. Freedom will use high tech instruments to ferret you out, wherever you hide. That’s what Freedom does. Sure, in tough times like these, Freedom might need to look a little like martial law, and Freedom might have to bust a few heads, and Freedom might have to imprison people without formally charging them, but Freedom is prepared to achieve its goals by any means necessary. In short, Freedom is a completely badass motherfucker who wil rappel down a zipline, snap your sentries’ necks without thinking,, toss a grenade into your nursery just IN CASE, and then come at youwith two fists of guns a-blazin’ and kill your entire FAMILY if you get in Freedom’s way, so don’t even THINK about it!!!!!!!!!!

Whew. That was exhausting. Okay, everyone can go home now. Tomorrow’s lecture will be about Liberty, and how it’s prepared to gouge your eyes out and pistol-whip your grandma if it has to…