Monthly Archive

I think I’ve given the other candidates enough of a head-start. So starting Monday, next Monday, I’m going to actually get out there and campaign for the job of President of the United States of America.
… thank you…. Thank you.
Some have said that I’ve been “lazy” about this, that my approach has […]

WASHINGTON (CNN) — The Bush campaign rejected accusations Sunday from Sen. John Kerry’s presidential campaign that it was using “tired, old smear tactics” by letting backers attack Kerry’s Vietnam War record through an independent group.
…[Bush campaign manager] Mehlman also was asked whether comments made Friday by White House spokesman Scott McClellan and campaign chairman Marc […]

I’m pressed for time here in beautiful Columbus, OH. But I thought I’d check in to do a little proMOtiion. As we panelists did an interview this afternoon, it struck me that I hadn’t yet told you all about Mo Rocca’s book. “All the President’s Pets: The Story of One Reporter […]

Tomorrow morning I’ll depart for beautiful Columbus, Ohio. I have a two-part agenda - to perform a live “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me,” yes, of course. But more importantly, this will be my campaign’s first official visit to this crucial battleground state.
People of Ohio, hear me. I may be a New Yorker, […]

TOM: Welcome back, and we’re just in time for the 800 meter sideways cobblestick shuttlerun. With me, I have 1976 bronze medalist, Lucy Pinker. Lucy, what are we looking for today?
LUCY: Well, Tom, Hungary’s Bidrai Malouva is the favorite in this event, having taken gold in Sydney.
TOM: He’s more machine […]

Well, it’s been several weeks since I last bragged shamelessly. You all must have been wondering if my normally outsized ego had suffered some sort of blow. No. Fear not, I continue to consider each and every day I get to spend with me a singular honor, and I still make sure […]

Let’s imagine that I have a son, a little nine year-old boy. Let’s name him Thaddeus, too, because there’s no harm in giving imaginary kids humiliating-but-undeniably-cute names.
So one summer afternoon, little Thad comes scampering into the house, trailed by the unmistakable sound of an ice cream truck’s melody. “Dad,” says Thad, “Can I […]

The signs are bad. Hiring’s off again. Consumer spending is slowing. The market’s taken some big hits. Oil’s up over 43 bucks a barrel. The encouraging data from the spring turned out to be a false promise, like the last line of that immortal bathroom graffiti verse, wherein the poet […]

- Homeland security experts warned that the US Capitol might be one of the buildings targeted by terrorists. This is why I’d make a lousy intelligence agent - I coulda sworn that the Denny’s on Route 1 in Alexandria would be first on the evil-doers’ lists. Or maybe that Mobil Minimart outside Reno. […]

WASHINGTON (CNN) — A veterans group that has been sharply critical of Sen. John Kerry launched an ad Thursday that accuses the Democratic presidential nominee of lying about his Vietnam war record.
“John Kerry betrayed the men and women he served with in Vietnam,” former Lt. Shelton White, one of the veterans, says in the ad.
Kerry’s […]