The Republicans are convening in New York, met by massive street protests. The Democrats are reeling, unable to put to rest unsubstantiated slurs against their candidate. Meanwhile, our Presidential candidate is driving a rental car somewhere in the Alleghenies, trying to remember what the big pedal does. What better time to roll out our Platform?

It is a simple program intended to renew America. It is a message of hope. It is a message of optimism. It is the kind of innovative thinking that brought us to our current surfeit of national greatness.

The Felber – Sagal Prescription for The New American Rennaissance has two simple parts.

#1) Contract the Yankees

America draws strength from its National Pastime, and baseball is in trouble… why? Because of a gross imbalance of power. Doug Berman, who is to this political movement what Richard Perle was to the invasion of Iraq, put it this way, in an op-ed piece in the Boston Globe in July, 2002.

Why is baseball languishing in cities like Montreal, Minneapolis, and Kansas
City? Because their fan support has dwindled. Why? Because fans know, as well as the baseball owners do, that the Yankees will make it to the World Series every year, and a few lucky teams will have the honor of losing to them along the way. If you were a fan of the Kansas City Royals, would you buy season tickets to your ball park if the end result is inevitable?

The Felber-Sagal campaign calls for the immediate elimination of the New York Yankees Professional Baseball Club. Their current roster of players in major and minor league play will subjected to a special Spoils of Contraction draft, with the Red Sox going first, and second, too, because they deserve it. Plus, George Steinbrenner will be banned from baseball. And Derek Jeter will have to shave his head, just to make him see how it feels how it is not to be so goddamn perfect.

#2) By Federal law, require the American Film Institute to include this film in their list of 100 best American movies.

That’s it. That’s all. We have a grand and daring vision for America, but because it’s only about two things, it’s far more practical than most such visions. Contract the Yankees. Put this movie in the AFI 100 Best Film list. Make America great again.

Thank you, and may God bless America.