From Reuters, “Bush Insists on Saddam Relationship with Al-Qaeda”
WASHINGTON - President Bush on Thursday insisted Saddam Hussein had a relationship with al-Qaeda but said his administration never asserted that the former Iraqi president had a role in the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.
“The reason I keep insisting that there was a relationship between Iraq and Saddam and al-Qaeda is because there was a relationship between Iraq and al-Qaeda,” Bush told reporters after a meeting with his Cabinet.
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White House Spokesman Scott McClellan later clarified the assertion. “We never said it was a ‘good relationship,’ no. It was kinda like a really bad marriage. Are you saying a marriage isn’t a relationship?”
“It’s like this,” he went on. “At first, al-Qeada was all like, ‘We hate you Saddam, we wish you were deposed,’ and Saddam was all like ‘Whoa, I hate you too,’ but then al-Qaeda called from the Sudan and was like, ‘Hey, we also hate the US and Israel, so like, can we set up training camps and stuff,’ and Saddam was like totally floored by this and he like didn’t answer so al-Qaeda was like, ‘Hello!? I asked you a question.”
“But Saddam totally dissed them, and al-Qaeda was like, ‘Okay, then I’m gonna diss YOU again, and fund some people to throw YOU out, see how you like THAT!’ And Saddam was like, ‘Don’t you come near me, I mean it.’ It was totally messed up.”
“I don’t think anyone, looking at those facts, could honestly assert that there wasn’t a relationship there. It’s documented. And if the American people misinterpreted what we meant by ‘relationship’ when we were getting ready to go to war, well, maybe they should get out more. Relationships are hard.”
After McClellan’s clarification, nine members of the White House press corps needed medical attention for minor wounds. “Nothing serious, just a couple of bruises to the forehead and minor concussions” said an EMT worker on the scene. “Each one appears to be the result of an open-handed slap to the forehead. What’s odd is that they all appear to be self-inflicted.”
Fanny Roborat
15 comments
Mojo
June 17, 2004 at 2:01 pm
1The open-handed slaps to the head were an appropriate response; they just slapped the wrong people’s heads.
norbizness
June 17, 2004 at 2:10 pm
2Suck-up: Morning, Mr. Griffin! Nice day!
Peter: Ehh, it’s a little cloudy.
Suck-up: It’s absolutely cloudy. One of the worst days I’ve seen in years! So, good news about the Yankees!
Peter: I hate the Yankees.
Suck-up: Pack of cheaters, that’s what are! I love your tie.
Peter: I hate this tie.
Suck-up: It’s awful, it’s gawdy, it’s gotta go.
Peter: And I hate myself.
Suck-up: I hate you too. You make me sick, you fat sack of crap.
Peter: But I’m the president.
Suck-up: The best there is!
Peter: But you just said you hated me.
Suck-up: But- not you the- president. The- you who said- you- hated- you? You who love. Hate. Yankees. Clouds?
[Suck-up’s head explodes]
Mary
June 17, 2004 at 2:34 pm
3It’s amazing more of the press corps aren’t treated for self-inflicted dope-slaps daily. But the mental image is priceless!!!!
Steve
June 17, 2004 at 2:40 pm
4That would be “relationship-related program activities”, wouldn’t it?
tess
June 17, 2004 at 2:48 pm
5only 9 members of the press corps needed medical attention? did the rest give themselve brain damage already?
Murray
June 17, 2004 at 3:17 pm
6Once more we get Bush looking into the cameras at America and saying, “Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes”?
It’s a shame that Americans are so stupid, otherwise they would realize that they are being lied to (and laughed at).
tim
June 17, 2004 at 3:55 pm
7I volunteer Dr. Phil to mediate that relationship. Please.
G-Man
June 17, 2004 at 4:46 pm
8Okay, I get it. If communication alone (or just an attempt to communicate) forms the substance of a “relationship”, which therefore indicates a close collaboration, then the following entities have a relationship:
Yankee and Red Sox fans,
Every telemarketer that’s ever called me
George W. Bush and Yassar Arafat
Rush Limbaugh and Bill Clinton
etc
etc
Right. Thanks Adam. That really helps.
ellen barnett
June 17, 2004 at 4:58 pm
9Bush said they had a relationship. So be it.
historyenne
June 17, 2004 at 5:16 pm
10tess, the rest of the press was tearing out their hair, but that just results in split ends, and there were no emergency hairdressers on call.
Bryan
June 17, 2004 at 8:29 pm
11Come on, guys, of course there was a relationship, they both accepted money and weapons from the Reagan administration, so they had to know each other. Why Donnie Rumsfeld probably introduced them.
Walter B.
June 17, 2004 at 8:50 pm
12Of course they had a relationship! Every Summer Saddam’s and Bin Ladin’s kids went to the same camp as George the 1st’s, and of course the parents ran into each other on Parent’s Day!
Bob
June 18, 2004 at 12:15 am
13Having watched The Fabulous Baker Boys, I now feel free to tell people that I’ve had a relationship with Michelle Pfeiffer. Thanks, George W., for lowering the bar!
Mary
June 18, 2004 at 10:30 am
14Ooooo, does that mean I have a relationship with Harrison Ford, Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan?
I obviously have one with Adam. We have actually spoken to each other. And, then there’s that restaining order thing……… ;-D
Kip W
June 20, 2004 at 3:41 pm
15They knew the risk they were taking, just like someone who watches the Showtime docufarce “HERO GEORGE STANDS TALL ON 9/11″ without proper preparation. There’s a reason I call shows like that “Oven Mitt Theatre” — it’s to avoid head trauma.