From: Karl Rove
To: All personnel
Re: Our Methods
Minions;
We have suffered setbacks. But these had been foreseen, and there is still enough time. I am pleased.
Know, then, that the coming week poses difficulties and challenges, for it is the week of a holiday, and our news cycle has been clipped. Therefore, I have deemed this a Good Time to review our strategy and Adjust to Circumstances.
To review then, our canonical news cycle methodology is:
Monday - Review of fun Presidential weekend activities, introduction of Weekly Message. Brand last week’s unpleasant revelations “old news.”
Tuesday - Intensify Weekly Message. Deploy Good News or, failing that, Amusing Photo from weekend’s fun Presidential activity.
Wednesday - Respond to Opposition Message. Attack. Attack.
Thursday - Respond to response to Opposition Message response. Attack. Attack. The weekly message is pointed to as the Real Business, and the Opposition Message thus painted as Distraction.
Friday - Reveal disturbing reports (casualties, prisoner abuse, atrocities, falling indicators, failed missions, declining test scores, terrorism, unpopular legislative initiatives, etc.).
Weekend - Silence.
Monday - Review of fun Presidential weekend activities, introduction of Weekly message. Brand last week’s unpleasant revelations “old news.”
Due to the shortened week, know that our course shall continue as planned with Minor Adjustments. Behold! There shall be an extended set of fun and patriotic Presidential activities, and Tuesday’s agenda shall combine the usual Tuesday and Monday procedures. Be not alarmed, for I had seen this on the calendar, and it is Good. Prepare, then, prepare, for there is no rest from the Agenda. Enjoy your Holiday, but be Vigilant - the hour of our Trials is nigh.
Ominously,
Karl
Fanny Roborat
7 comments
Dee
May 30, 2004 at 11:42 pm
1“…the hour of our Trials is nigh”
Not since the Special Prosecutor law was allowed to lapse, Karl.
Bryan
May 31, 2004 at 12:07 am
2Hmmm, perhaps Karl has heard something about the Plame grand jury.
Pat R.
May 31, 2004 at 6:00 am
3Hmmm — this memo bears a creepy similiarity in both tone and form to the recently-discovered boilerplate for Sauron’s periodic memos to his minions. (Second Age, Middle-america-earth.)
Murray
May 31, 2004 at 11:28 am
4Amazing how news, no matter how heinous, can be so easily neutralized by calling it “old news”.
“Aliens land on White House Lawn and demand that the Bush Administration halt its anti-environmental policies or earth will be destroyed, (aliens will do it this time).”
Aaah, “Old news”
Dubya
May 31, 2004 at 1:14 pm
5Hey Karl,
Don’t forget to remind everyone that no mention is to be made of the increase in the number of Halliburton contracts and Dick at any cost.
Linkmeister
May 31, 2004 at 2:04 pm
6Where is the young Hunter Thompson when we so desparately need him? “Fear and Loathing 2004″ has a certain caché to it, doncha think?
Portentously…
Fishmael
May 31, 2004 at 8:14 pm
7Murray. The reason they can get away with effectively declawing events by calling them “old news” is that we the audience have been trained to have short attention spans, and there aren’t many (”progressive”) institutions set up to keep these issues alive for any length of time. The “media” are corporate-capitalist, monopolistic, short-term profit-seeking, entertainment operations, and we’re the worse of for it all.
Those aliens would have a better chance if they had breasts that resembled those of human females, and they exposed themselves from time to time, eh? We still wouldn’t listen, but at least they’d get our attention for a few minutes.