FA Exclusive: President Bush’s Notes for Tonight’s Speech

…WAIT a minut!! Where is the reference to 9/11? with its requisite Saddam linkage?!?

The above three comments are clearly a small minority not representative of the majority of Fanatical Apathy readers. Thanks for the outline, Adam, now I don’t need to watch the speech at all!

How do I print my coupons off the TV?
(maybe make a rubbing?)

Are you *sure* you’re not his ghostwriter, Adam?

I’m sure Peggy Noonan is bitterly jealous right now!

I just shit my pants.

Adam, you’re such a good presidential speechifier! You just gave me a great idea.

You know how Kerry doesn’t want to accept the Democratic nomination at the convention so that he can spend Theresa’s money for five more weeks? Why don’t you have a talk with him? Tell him that you’ll go to the convention and you’ll accept the nomination and like just hold it for him. So, you’ll go to Boston, and the Dem’s will say “The Great State of Wyoming nominates….Adam Felber!” [Do they have Democrates in Wyoming? Who cares? You get the idea.] Anyway, five weeks later, when John Kerry comes to you and asks you to step down like you promised, you just stare at him and say: “Psyche!” And then you trounce Bush in November and then you’re President. Cool, huh?

PS Can I be Ambassador to Fiji?

A new must-read blog to suck my time away… (sigh). That speech was genius. It would be funnier if it weren’t so true.

Well, I just listened to W give his speech, (while returning email, eating, reading the NY Times editorials, running Pi to the millionth place, etc.)

What you have posted is what W would say if he were forced to write for himself. What I heard was the work of evil geniuses who can craft a truly convincing lie. (As long as you don’t know any facts, or can’t logically think your way out of a wet paper bag).

But I think that the tide has turned. I doubt if all of the speech writers in hell can save his sorry ass.

Oh, as long as we are taking dibs on ambassadorships, let me put my hand up for Central Pennsylvania. It’s as foreign a land as you’ll find anywhere, but it’s local.

Maybe Saddam was “agatherin valuable coupons”, eh? That’s what made him so dangerous. Twenty billion or so of those suckers, and he’d force Rummy to redeem for a nucular bomb.

Bryan - You mean he’ll keep talkin’ ’til the cicadas are gone?

After Dubya makes “the pie bigger” we can use those valuable coupons to put “food on our families”, eh? Is that his clever economic plan?

Overland. Whoa. I hadn’t realized that. Now it makes sense. The larger pie that Bush wants to put on our families is made of B.S. Instead of “let them eat grass”, he is going to let us eat “processed grass” — quite an improvement. Thanks for the observation.