The latest revelations out of Abu Ghraib are so mind-bogglingly horrifying that we need to act now, and act hard. What’s notable about this is that if we have any intention of getting the hearts and minds of the Arab world while said organs are still in their hosts’ bodies, we’re going to have to use Bush administration tactics.

We have to go into Commando Apology mode. Give it a neat-sounding mission name like “Operation Iron Contrition,” or “Operation Enduring Oops.” Dispatch specially-trained black ops forces to infiltrate Iraqi organizations, reveal themselves at strategic times, and whimper manfully for forgiveness. We need lightning-fast death squads that will sweep into town centers, form a tight, inwards-facing circle, aim, and fire. Crack abuse squads must enter our prisons, commit reprehensible acts of torture, sexual humiliation, and violence, videotape it all in hi-def with Dolby 5.1 Surround sound, and ship the resulting tapes to Baghdad for public viewing. We need said tortures to be something uniquely culturally humiliating to Americans, like… like… I don’t know. Maybe covering their faces and thus denying them any resulting fame and book rights. I’m no expert - I’m sure the boys in the Pentagon could come up with something. But it needs to be done. And fast.

Or the President of the United States could get up and offer a clear, unqualified, first-hand, and direct apology to the Iraqi people. That’d work too. But I think the first plan is more plausible.