From The Boston Globe:

Soon after Kerry made those remarks to radio broadcaster Don Imus, a supporter and friend of the presumed Democratic nominee, Bush campaign chairman Marc Racicot assailed Kerry in unusually personal language, at one point saying Kerry’s character is ‘’defective.” The objection reflected the heated politics surrounding allegations that US military personnel have brutalized and humiliated Iraqi prisoners.

Racicot said Kerry’s criticisms smacked of ‘’raw political opportunism” and argued that, on Iraq and some other issues, Kerry has breached boundaries of political argument that most Americans accept.

Pressed for examples by reporters on a conference call, Racicot cited two: Kerry’s remark this week that the abuse scandal stemmed in part from the ‘’overall arrogance” in running Iraq on Bush administration terms and a recent Kerry fund-raising letter that decried the abuse scandal and repeated the call for Rumsfeld’s resignation.

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Dear Senator Kerry,

Wow - it doesn’t seem like you’re capable of making any criticisms of Bush’s foreign policy without being calculatingly political, unpatriotic, or French. I’ve searched the web, and I can’t find a single major statement that you’ve made about the Iraq war that hasn’t been denounced as Out Of Bounds by someone in the Bush camp.

Clearly, this is a problem for your campaign. You’ve got to speak out about the most significant issue in our country, of course, and it’s hard to run a campaign without saying that you might approach a problem differently than the incumbent. But goshdarnit, you can’t keep being all unpatriotic and political here. So I’ve come up with some things you might say that don’t open you up to charges of trying to inject politics into a political campaign. Here are a couple. Senator Kerry, feel free to use ‘em:

“I’m sure the President thought of this already, but it might be a good idea to staff our Iraqi detention facilities with people who are well-versed in prison management and the Geneva Convention. Obviously, George Bush feels as I do on this one, so it’s probably not a problem, really. Sorry for wasting your time.”

“The war in Iraq is going so darn well that I can’t help wanting to be involved. If elected, I promise to continue the same super-great course that the President has put us on. Maybe I’d make one or two wee stylistic adjustments, like creating a broader international coalition, getting our soldiers home, and transforming it into a truly multinational reconstruction effort in order to win back the confidence of the Iraqis and the world. But those are just trivial details, really. Sorry for bothering you.”

“Obviously, there’s no way to do a better job in the War on Terror than the President is doing. But if you want a leader who spells his name differently than the incumbent, vote for me.”

“If elected, I promise to keep the greatest nation in the world just as great as it is now, with all of its great policies and its great direction. Things are so fantastically great, and we are so outstandingly great, that we can continue our great march to even greater greatness by electing a great leader like myself to replace the great George Bush.”

“Vote Bush! Or Kerry - it’s your choice, really, and I don’t want to rock the boat at this critical moment in history. God bless America.”

Those are just off the top of my head, but you get the idea. This kind of approach will shield you from the justifiable criticism that you’ve been acting sort of, well, oppositional lately. I hope you’ll take the advice to heart before it’s too late, lest Americans be forced to choose between two contrasting philosophies come November. That would be a tragedy - it would demonstrate to the world that we Americans are capable of allowing substantive political debate that leaves our leaders vulnerable to replacement based on a national vote. That would make us look weak, and only you can prevent it.

Thanks, and let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help.

Love,

Adam