From The New York Times and Fox News:
…the White House and the Pentagon signaled that they now have serious reservations about publicly releasing the photographs and video clips….
… Vice President Dick Cheney and other officials emphasized their concern that any public release could endanger efforts to prosecute the Americans responsible for the abuse.
“I’d say there are a lot of equities here besides just satisfying the desires of the press that want to have more pictures to print,” Mr. Cheney said in an interview with Fox News. “There are serious questions about people’s rights, as well as our ability to be able to prosecute. We wouldn’t want, as a result of the release of pictures and the mistreatment of that kind of information, to allow guilty parties off the hook, so that they couldn’t be prosecuted.”
“By the same token, you don’t want to see innocent people inappropriately maligned by virtue of the release of photographs.”
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This must have been really hard for Dick Cheney, because the man is usually so committed to a loose, transparent approach, both in his public and private life. Keeping information from the public or his friends is always a tough call for him.
Take it from a guy who knows him. I’ve seen him struggle with these issues up close, and this anecdote might help stem some of the baseless criticism that’s been coming his way.
See, in January of this year, I went duck hunting with Dick Cheney. Yes, it was that duck hunting trip, the one with Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.
On that score, let me say that Cheney and Scalia have told the absolute truth about the trip: They barely interacted at all, and hunted from separate blinds. In fact, the only time I heard them exchange any words, they were general and hunting-oriented. We were gathering up our ammo, and Cheney was looking for his customary Remington Core-Lokt Ultras. Scalia looked at Cheney, hefted a duffel, and said, “It’s in the bag.”
Cheney replied with a glance. “Is it? Is it in the bag?”
“Yes,” Scalia replied, while for some reason joggling his eyebrows comically, “That thing you’re looking for? In. The. Bag.”
And that was that. Ironically, Dick never took the duffel - it turned out he had his ammo in his backpack all along! But except for that brief bit of hunter-talk, they didn’t hang out much, unlike Dick and me. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
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The trip started on a cold January morning. Cheney offered to fly me out on air Force Two, and I gratefully accepted. Unfortunately, he couldn’t give out the time and place of the departure for security reasons. I could tell that this pained him, but these are dark times. So after several wrong guesses as to the meeting place (a WalMart in Gary, Indiana; Reagan Airport; a wheat-field in Nebraska), I took a Greyhound and met my friend at the destination.
As a result, I got there a bit late. Dick was expansive and friendly, and would have introduced me around if he’d been at liberty to disclose the names of his friends. He wasn’t, and this clearly rankled him. But rules are rules. I did, however, recognize Justice Scalia, but I didn’t let on so as not to cause Dick any embarrassment.
I was partnered with Dick, and we made off for the same duck blind. Sadly, it was in an undisclosed location, so after I lost him in the tall grass I spent most of the day searching for him. After failing to get his attention by shouting his name (it turned out, naturally, that he was not allowed to disclose his undisclosed location - duh!), I made the mistake of blowing my duck call to signal him. A torrent of poorly-aimed rifle fire came at me from all sides, and boy, did I feel like a jerk.
After binding my wounds, I bumbled from blind to blind, finally locating my hunting partner. There we passed a happy afternoon, swapping whispered stories and hunting duck. That’s when I got to know about Dick Cheney the man, in all the detail that he was legally permitted to offer: I heard about his difficult childhood, when his parent or parents struggled to make a certain type of living off of their chosen profession while their son(s) and/or daughter(s) worked hard to perform well at their school, which was nestled in the hills of one of our nation’s 48 contiguous states.
I learned about the unseen, private Dick Cheney - the guy who likes to kick back at the end of the day watching his favorite television program (title classified), sipping a beverage of his choosing, and talking to one or more unnamed friends or family members. Sometimes even engaging in a certain hobby that he’d love to tell me more about, if only he could.
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Did he get a duck? I wish I could tell you, but I’ve signed several documents that forbid me, and besides, I was blindfolded most of the time. But I know this: Dick Cheney is a warm, open man, and if he thinks that their might be some hazy or prejudicial circumstances that might prevent the release of those Iraqi prison photos, then you can bet that the unmentionable legal issue in question is indeed too grave to risk endangering the thing that it might do. Trust me - as always, the guy’s a straight shooter on this one.
Fanny Roborat
9 comments
Ras_Nesta
May 12, 2004 at 6:07 pm
1Ummm…I hate to whine, but…
Outside of the Beverly Hillbillies, most mortals hunt ducks with shotguns. (Although one of the funnier scenes in “Distinguished Gentlemen” with Eddie Murphy was a scene centered around duck-hunting with full-auto M16s.)
So instead of “Remington Core-Lokt Ultras”, perhaps “Remington PremierŪ HEVI·SHOTŪ Nitro Magnum High Velocity Waterfowl Loads” would be more applicable.
(I grew up on a farm with a 45-acre lake that attracted thousands of geese and ducks every Spring and Fall. I’ve never shot one. Like many farmers, when we had time off, the last thing we wanted to do was spend MORE time outside. A museum is more comfortable.)
Landis
May 12, 2004 at 6:18 pm
2That was really a great scene. Whenever I hear about how assault weapons should remain legal I think back to that one and the single duck that falls out of the sky after the party has let loose hundreds of bullets. Eddie says “that one must of had a heart attack”.
Ras_Nesta
May 12, 2004 at 8:19 pm
3I also like the line when Eddie’s conning the Chairman of the committee he wants on by pretending to be Jesse Jackson-type civil rights activist (so that they’ll pick him, one of the few minorities):
EDDIE
(on phone)
Chairman Dodge, please! Would you tell him that it’s Mr. Joshua Benjamin from the NAACP on the line!
Actually Ma’am, you could be a great deal of help, I have a few minor questions. I would like to know how many members of the Chairman’s committee are Aaafrican American?…None.
(perplexed)
Well, suurrely, there must be a Laaatinnno member on the committee…No Laaatinnnos either.
(brightens)
Ah! Does the Chairman have any Aaasians or Naaative Americans on the Committee?…No.
Does the Chairman have any Haannndicaps or Gaayyys on the Committee? No Gays.
Well, thank you ma’am, you’ve been a great deal of help. Just forget I even called. Just tell him I said “Hi”.
tess
May 12, 2004 at 8:25 pm
4when i think of hunting, i like to think of it in terms of the simpsons (john waters as guest star):
(paraphrasing)
“hunting? i don’t know. a couple of guys alone in the woods . . . seems kinda gay to me.”
so who’s the gunner?
Ras_Nesta
May 12, 2004 at 8:39 pm
5I just saw a “Family Guy” with a hunting subplot:
Peter(father) and Chris(son) are creeping through the woods when they see a snowmobile track.
PETER
Look! Deer tracks!
CHRIS
Dad! That’s a snowmobile track.
The camera pans to a buck deer kicking back on a snowmobile, pouring himself a cup of coffee out of a thermos.
When he sees the Griffins, he jumps on the snowmobile and roars off.
PETER
(sniffing back a tear)
So graceful.
Kim
May 13, 2004 at 9:51 am
6The rifle fire came at you from all sides? I love when hunters arrange themselves in a circle, facing in. Let’s suggest Cheney and Scalia give it another try this year…
Murray
May 13, 2004 at 4:47 pm
7The next town over from me is Chaneysville, PA, so it’s no longer an undisclosed location.
I tell my customers that a visit to the Road Kill Cafe (the next closest shop to mine) does a good job of defining the locals; it has one isle of groceries, one of hardware, and 3 isles of hunting equipment. It’s the only place that I know where the grab items are bullets.
mothis
May 13, 2004 at 10:28 pm
8its like in bowling for columbine when in the begining Mike goes into a bank and they give him the gun for opening an acount. Guns, guns, guns everywhere.
g
May 14, 2004 at 1:28 pm
9And he buys bullets while getting his hair cut!?
Where I come from you can only buy conditioner and shampoo at the barbershop.