From: Karl Rove
To: All Personnel
Re: I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing

There have been murmurings and mutterings lately, murmurings and mutterings in the ranks. I am displeased. I remind you all that I am under no obligation to explain my methods. But still, if these qualms can be quashed by some small reassurance, I will deign to make my purposes known.

Yes, I had instructed some of you to to clamor for the release of John Kerry’s military records, and I was obeyed. I am pleased.

But the murmurings soon began. Do not believe for a moment that they did not reach me. “Why are we doing this?” “John Kerry’s record has been investigated and found to be unassailable.” “Why would we highlight the contrast between a thrice-wounded veteran and our guy?” “Of course he’ll release all his records, these are to his advantage.”

Fools. You look but you do not see. I am disappointed.

Know, then, as I have revealed before, that the American people look even less deeply than you, and that our Work has already been accomplished. Behold:

As always, when we question en masse, the press has no choice but to report that we have questioned. There have now been headlines that proclaim that “people” have “questioned” John Kerry’s military record. There is “some skepticism” about the seriousness of his wounds. The very fact that he did NOT initially post and publicize his actual records, something that - had he - we would have branded “immodest” or “exploitative,” can now be seen as shady. His answers are immaterial; in our new vernacular, questions are not seen as “spin,” but answers, by definition, are, and they in turn can be questioned.

Kerry has acted, but lo! it is too late. Our public now knows simply that there are “questions,” just as there are “questions” about our man’s service, the radio crackles with speculations and allegations, and thus the field has been rendered level and the threat neutralized.

I have seen this, and it is good.

And still, there were those who grumbled. You will pay the price for your lack of vision, and I ask that you report to me and confess rather than compelling me to seek you out. Rest assured that while I will not be merciful, neither will I waste resources as we move upon the land. For despite the intolerable doubts and murmurings, the work has been done. I am pleased.

Have a nice day.

-Karl