Madeline Albright, in yesterday’s testimony:
“…there should have been no confusion that our personnel were authorized to kill bin Laden. We did not, after all, launch cruise missiles for the purpose of serving legal papers.”
_____________________________________
Meanwhile, in the Oval Office…
[Present: President Bush, Vice President Cheney, Karl Rove, Secretary Colin Powell]
BUSH: Heh heh, that’s a good one! “Legal papers…” She’s really good.
POWELL: Well, she’s a former Secretary-
BUSH: I think they’re called “Administrative Assistants” now, Pow-Pow.
POWELL: Yes, Mr. President.
CHENEY: Gettin’ killed out there. And CNN, MSNBC, and FOX are all showing it. Uncut.
ROVE: This is unforeseen.
CHENEY: Clarke tomorrow. And William Cohen is up later.
BUSH: Oooh, he’s good. He’s always got those… details. Y’know, facts and figures and stuff. At his fingertips.
ROVE: He’s very precise.
BUSH: Heck, he’s just like anybody in The West Wing.
POWELL: Thank you, sir.
ROVE [in an undertone]: He’s talking about the television show.
POWELL [also in an undertone]: Oh.
ROVE [clearing throat]: You’d better start going down there, General Powell.
BUSH: Knock ‘em dead, C. Piddy!
POWELL: Yes, Mr. President.
[Powell exits.]
BUSH: He’ll be good, right?
ROVE: Yes…
BUSH: And we got Rummy later.
ROVE: True…
BUSH: Can they be like Cohen? You know, facts n’ figures?
ROVE: Well, Mr. President, this administration works in, um, broader strokes.
BUSH: Come again?
CHENEY: The Clinton people were small picture, while we’re big picture.
BUSH: Not quite readin’ you…
ROVE: We. Keep. Things. Simple.
BUSH: Hmm. Wonder why that is.
[Pause.]
BUSH: So, can we get Toby Ziegler?
ROVE: No, sir.
BUSH: Damn, he’s really good. Lots of facts at his fingertips. So, let’s think. Who was in charge of national security back then… Say! Maybe we can send Condolee-
CHENEY: No!
ROVE: No!
BUSH: Whoa, okay. So, what’re we gonna do?
ROVE: What we always do, sir. And with broad strokes.
CHENEY: And let’s do it during Cohen’s thing.
BUSH: I’m in! [pause] What is it?
____________________________
Yesterday, 2:05 P.M. EST (actual transcript)
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you all for coming. We’ve just had a very constructive Cabinet meeting. We talked about the need for us to remain strong in the war on terror. I assured our — my team that America is not going to blink in the face of the attacks that took place in Spain. As a matter of fact, we’ll continue to rally the world to fight off terror. Here at home, my economic advisors, economic team presented a very upbeat assessment about our economy. It’s strong, and it’s growing stronger…
Fanny Roborat
14 comments
tess
March 24, 2004 at 3:01 pm
1i’m ashamed of you, adam . . . bush probably doesn’t have the brains to appreciate “the west wing.” he’s probably more along the lines of “high school reunion.”
Murray
March 24, 2004 at 3:39 pm
2Yea Adam, you keep picking on the moron.
You’re having a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
You know, it really would be funny, if he weren’t the president.
Spoon
March 24, 2004 at 4:57 pm
3Tess –
I think Bush can apreciate “West Wing” — anyone can. Problem is, Bush thinks the show is about Republicans.
t.a.
March 24, 2004 at 5:04 pm
4i really loved how jon stewart put scott fletcher & condee rice’s statements side-by-side — you know this stuff is rehearsed, but that was ridiculous. did they think no one would notice they were using the exact same words?? and wold not mock them for it?
yay jon stewart!
Defense de Troller
March 24, 2004 at 8:02 pm
5[Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with anybody’s credibility, or position, or anything like that. It’s just a visual impression I can’t get out of my head - so I’m going to try to get it into yours.]
The picture of Madeleine Albright in the linked article looks like someone’s started inflating Margaret Thatcher.
I’m sorry.
tess
March 24, 2004 at 8:36 pm
6Defense do Troller:
it’s alright. everytime i see that photo of bush in the flightsuit i think of an chimp doing an ad for the air force.
Mike Z
March 24, 2004 at 9:43 pm
7Thanks Adam. We haven’t seen this style of post here for a while, and I’ve missed the special lines you give the president. I definitely like the ‘administrative assistant’ part.
The administration must really be frustrated (and scared) that they can’t control this outflow of information the way they wish. Lies and misdirection often seem like a great idea at first, but it really sucks when the loose threads finally start to distract admirers from the rest of the fine tapestry. “Oh! What a tangled web we (etc.)”
Craig
March 25, 2004 at 12:38 am
8EXCELLENT post today, Adam. Once again, you’ve illustrated to me why you’re a professional and I really shouldn’t try this at home.
One thought: Have you ever considered getting some of your acting pals together and recording one of these skits in mp3 a la the First Family albums of 60s and 70s?
G-Man
March 25, 2004 at 2:16 am
9New office pool concept:
Guess who will be the next ex-Admin official to confirm the President’s IRAQ fixation. Brackets could include DoD, CIA, FBI, and others. Others could include current and former “willing” officials. A winning guess must predict both the individual in each bracket and the highest number of interviews Cheney/Rice/etal give to discredit the defector in a single day. (yes, there is some math involved).
Could be fun! Imagine how big the pot could grow, assuming a lack of correct guesses, between now and November as more “disgruntled employees” come forward…In fact, there’s no reason why we couldn’t keep playing after Bush is back in Crawford in January - in fact, the action could be real sweet throughout 2005!!
Just gotta come up with a catchy “March Madness-esque” name for it…
aaron
March 25, 2004 at 9:36 am
10I wonder if this testimony is really going to change any minds, or if Bush supporters will applaud his administration’s efforts to hide facts and spin the truth as “Gettin’ tough with the Liberal Media.”
Tim
March 25, 2004 at 12:03 pm
11Alas, Aaron, I’m afraid you’re right. I’m friends with some Bush supporters, and that’s exactly how they think.
BettieWheelie
March 25, 2004 at 12:15 pm
12It’s all so brilliant. To this end, it seems all but the Bush administration–or many anyway–suspected strongly Dubya would be all about Iraq, to finish up Daddy’s business. Hell, that was the chat during his campaign, wasn’t it? I relish the essence of this being splashed around the world. It reminds me of the workaday world, wherein you’re certain you know a lot more than the boss does, but muddle over what can be done to prove it without being, well, unpatriotic, or thrown in jail, or risk having your records searched. That’s probably happening to me right now.
Mary
March 26, 2004 at 9:46 am
13March Madmen? I’m beginning to feel like I’m at the Mad Hatter’s tea party.
Anonymous
March 29, 2004 at 11:44 pm
14Where’s the new campaign bumper sticker for the Dems? Here’s my suggestion:
AT LEAST BILL ONLY SCREWED PEOPLE ONE AT A TIME