One juror called it a “victory for the little guys.” And by “little guys,” I’ll assume he means those loathe to eat the fluffiest of muffins while reclining on embroidered throw pillow, imprisoned in chambers of oak wainscoting ‘neath alabaster sea of authentic horsehair plaster.
Martha Stewart now faces prison for her efforts to save 50 grand at a time when she was worth somewhere in the tasteful, “country-style” ballpark of 2 billion. 50 thousand! Or roughly the cost of one ice sculpture of David (with Vodka penis catheter) at Dennis Koslowski’s last Employee Appreciation Caligula Buffet.
Indeed, for many, there seemed to be great joy in watching the public stinging of the uber-WASP. Yet while the media had a field day watching her skulk in and out of the court house, accompanied only by expensive clutch and the occasional Bill Cosby or Brian Dennehy (a man who no doubt has run to her with many a “floral” emergency), I turned my attention elsewhere. For me, the one star to emerge from this case was Peter Bacanovic’s young Man Friday/failed model Douglas Fanuel, the witness whose e-mails were used as evidence in the trial.
One particularly lurid electronic missive to a friend described a problematic phone encounter with the usually-abusive domestic goddess, where the young man stood up to her and later gushed “Baby put Ms. Martha in her place!” It’s too bad Young Fanuel’s career in finance is over. The Masters of the Universe who refer to themselves in the third person as “Baby” often run roughshod over all manner of Bull and Bear, and later spend summers practice-dancing in a shallow pond with Patrick Swayze.
So what can we expect from a world where Martha Stewart is incarcerated? Will there be an immediate breakdown of all that we (”we” who make over 100K) hold dear domestically? Not for nothing, on CNN.com, right below the news of the verdict, there is a story with the headline “Woman Finds Fingertip in Salad.”
What’s worse, the finger tip was missing its paper presentation doily and was not properly “frenched” by the butcher.
It has begun.





22 comments
tim
March 6, 2004 at 9:34 am
1I think this verdict clearly demonstrates the age-old (well, circa 1987 anyway) adage, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”
And I don’t see any problem with the thumb salad. It’s very Atkins-friendly.
Michael
March 6, 2004 at 1:16 pm
2Yeehaw!
Adam who?
Liam M.
March 6, 2004 at 1:45 pm
3I don’t get this. Is this one of Adam’s “characters”?
Bethra
March 6, 2004 at 1:51 pm
4Oh God. the image of a Frenched Thumb is going to haunt me all my days.
Thanks!
Dee, Future Ambassador (whose loyalties can be bought) to Fiji
March 6, 2004 at 2:58 pm
5So, Chris, are you running for President too?
ghani
March 6, 2004 at 6:01 pm
6Can I be your campaing manager? Some might say that I am out of touch with NY, the USA, or America in general, but I think I’d just be very objective.
Jerry
March 7, 2004 at 1:12 am
7Thank God that the powerful arm of the government charged with saving us and our pension plans has been able to trounce this evil-doer even though the rest of the Exxon Enron et. al. escaped with billions. “See, we did something against someone you can love to hate. We’re here for you. Not for those fantastically rich SOBs that really cleaned up with insider knowledge. This bitch stole maybe 60K from you. Now you can relax ‘cuz we got someone, and she’s gonna pay!! Don’t look at the man behaind the curain. Now you can out your green glasses back on.”
Arrrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jerry
March 7, 2004 at 1:13 am
8Thank God that the powerful arm of the government charged with saving us and our pension plans has been able to trounce this evil-doer even though the rest of the Exxon Enron et. al. escaped with billions. “See, we did something against someone you can love to hate. We’re here for you. Not for those fantastically rich SOBs that really cleaned up with insider knowledge. This bitch stole maybe 60K from you. Now you can relax ‘cuz we got someone, and she’s gonna pay!! Don’t look at the man behaind the curtain. Now you can out your green glasses back on.”
Arrrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous
March 7, 2004 at 7:39 pm
9See what happens when you’re not Skull & Bones???
Matt Sandwich
March 7, 2004 at 9:43 pm
10Did she really do a piece on making the fluffiest of muffins? Do share, you tease.
prettygirl
March 7, 2004 at 11:37 pm
11Where in the hell is today’s entry? Turn off E! Like it or not, you have a responsibility to honor.
Everyone said you weren’t man enough for this job. Don’t prove them right.
jan
March 8, 2004 at 3:41 am
12Martha, Martha, Martha!
What about meeee?
awaitingreprieve
March 8, 2004 at 8:09 am
13And please, cut the bitchy stuff (Dennehy). It just goes sour with many in this forum. Thanks.
Mary
March 8, 2004 at 10:24 am
14I’m with Jerry on this. The news media went nuts with this yet never a word about Lehy (sp?) and those who really were hurt by insider trading - the employees and pentions relying on Enron.
Gads! And now we have deregulation in Michigan to deal with.
Chris Regan
March 8, 2004 at 11:05 am
15“And please, cut the bitchy stuff?”
Two entries, one Dennehy joke, and I get a “please, cut the bitchy stuff?” From someone who won’t leave an e-mail address, no less? How do you know I wasn’t deeply hurt by Dennehy once? Are you perhaps Dennehy? Show your face, Dennehy! Show it!!!
Sue
March 8, 2004 at 11:17 am
16“…chambers of oak wainscoting ‘neath alabaster seas of horsehair plaster..”
Chris, you rogue! You were wearing the tassled loafers and the smoking jacket when you wrote that, weren’t you?
Just as Adam promised….
eva
March 8, 2004 at 8:50 pm
17Wow Dee you are smart to go after those cushy ambassodor jobs! Fiji is a great one too. Hmmm what can I claim- are the Seashell Islands an independent country? If not they should be. How about some nation building there? It has got to be easier than Iraq. I would like to be the first US ambassador please Adam.
Lauren
tess
March 8, 2004 at 9:37 pm
18what’s horsehair plaster?
pericat
March 8, 2004 at 11:07 pm
19upscale adobe. made of finely ground oyster shells bound with horsehair and casein instead of shit.
Murray
March 8, 2004 at 11:15 pm
20Tess,
Long before sheet rock, even before wood lath (strips of wood) and plaster there was horsehair plaster. The manes and tails were used as a binder to hold the plaster together and on the wall. It was plentiful, and strong. If character is worth more than a flat smooth surface, you wouldn’t sheet rock over it.
You may not find much of this out in California.
Katie
March 10, 2004 at 2:57 am
21UBER-WASP!
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tess
March 10, 2004 at 3:07 pm
22mmm, shit-adobe. that explains so much in california.