My DSL connection is down today, so I’m faced with the prospect of getting all my news through one of the archaic talking boxes in my living room. [*shudder*] I’ll opt to jot down some recent thoughts and then amble down to my local WiFi-ready café and share them with you.

Marriages, Happy and Gay
So President Bush wants Congress to pass a constitutional amendment that would prevent Vice President Cheney’s daughter from ever getting married. All right, social conservatives now can look forward to finally getting their “fag burning amendment.” [A mean joke, yes, for a mean proposal.]

But it’s worth pointing out, again and again, that Bush made his five-minute pitch last week without once mentioning “gays,” “lesbians,” homosexuals,” queers,” “dykes,” “fags,” “queens,” “same sex couples,” or “Tom Cruise.”

Now that’s just not right – if you’re going to smack down a significant portion of the population, at least do them the courtesy of learning their name. And no, Mr. President, you can’t get away with, “unigender related program activities.” That doesn’t count.

The Passion of the Mel
No, I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I understand that it’s a lot like the last half hour of “Braveheart” spread out over an entire film. I’m not questioning Mel Gibson’s religious convictions, but you also have to admit that the guy really likes martyrs, and particularly the ones that suffer horribly and don’t get rescued in the nick of time.

What’s really notable is that Mel Gibson’s father gave another interview recently in which he claimed that the holocaust didn’t necessarily happen and that the Jews are assembling a corporate empire in order to rule the world. And STILL, Mel himself refuses to totally contradict the guy, saying only, “Gimme a break, he’s my dad.”

You’d think that Mel of all people would understand that it’s not necessarily all that smart to have total faith that your dad won’t steer you wrong, you know, considering that he just made a movie about Jesus.

As “The Passion of the Christ” illustrates, Jesus and his dad had a very complicated relationship. Aramaic speakers will note that after Jesus asks, “Father why have thou forsaken me?” a booming voice replies a bit snippily, “I don’t know, why don’t you ask your stepfather?” And it is puzzling – with Jesus’ dad being so powerful and influential, when the shit really started hitting the fan in Palestine, you’d think he could’ve at least wangled his son a spot in the National Guard.

Adam Sees A Damn Ad
Just now, I saw the my first President Bush TV ad. Dear god, I want my internet connection back. Bush and his wife made bold, controversial stands, coming out pro-job, pro-growth, pro-American, and anti-people-blowing-us-up. Honestly, there wasn’t a phrase in that commercial that couldn’t be lifted and put in a Kerry ad. Or a Nader ad. Or a Hoover ad.

I didn’t see the controversial Bush ad that also started airing today, the one that uses images from 9/11. As a New Yorker, of course I’m offended, but I’m also confused: What about that particular day is there for anyone in the government to be proud of? Perhaps a good reminder for anyone who tries to make political hay out of the worst day in my city’s life would be a simple campaign prop: A milk carton, on the back of which would be a picture of two rectangular towers.

And now, here in the aforementioned cafe, I’m ready to post these thoughts to you. And I’m realizing that they come across as fairly angry, even more-so than usual. For this I blame my hitherto trustworthy DSL provider (apparently, they’re down city-wide today) - I would guess that “Disconnection Rage” might prove to be a serious social problem in the years to come. It probably won’t get a lot of attention, though; not a lot of people are extremely frightened by the sight of a cheesed-off geek sitting in a coffee shop with a chocolate chip cookie and a laptop and muttering darkly to himself.

But they should be.