Returning home from a lunch meeting this afternoon, I was pleased to see that Fanatical Apathy had drawn in quite a few readers. About twice the normal amount for this time of day. “Egad,” I thought, “I must have obtained a link from some noted personage who enjoyed my cogent and breezy political analyses or my rather waggish turns of phrase…” [I have a strict rule that my inner voice always express itself with the diction of a Victorian gentleman. I suspect that in this way I am not unlike Joe Eszterhas.] Further investigation proved, however, that this was not the case.

They’re here for the boobies. Specifically, the right boobie of Ms. J. Jackson. And that’s not exactly the kind of attention I want.

[Note: From this point on, I will attempt to discuss the matter using language that will not register on the web searches of those in search of prurient material, celebrity-related or otherwise…]

Yesterday, you may note, I referred in passing to the now notorious baring of Michael’s sister’s bosom [See? I bet NOBODY types “bosom” into a search engine!] The hundreds of hits soon followed.

The real reason I’m on about it today, though, is that a full-scale FCC investigation into the entire halftime show is now underway. FCC Chairman Michael K. Powell said, “The whole performance was onstage copulation… This really crossed a heinous line.”

Oddly, FCC Chairman Michael Powell also recently argued against “graying rules of a bygone black-and-white era”.” And he said that things should “evolve in a regulation-free zone.” Of course, in those instances he was talking about (1) allowing massive media conglomerates to become more massive than even Congress is comfortable with, and (2) allowing telecoms to pursue internet phone schemes tax-free. It’s not that Powell’s against a free, wanton and wild dance, it’s just a matter of whom he’s dancing with.


[”Grab some a’ THIS bandwidth, baby!” Michael K. Powell lets CBS chief
Les Moonves take a few liberties at the administration’s 2004 “Halftime Spectacular.”]

It’s the basic liberal/conservative question of whether our government should occupy itself regulating gigantic corporations or morality. Me, I think the spectacle that led to hootergate was a little raw for family fare. The phone calls that went in to CBS, the public outrage, and the multitudinous groveling apologies make it pretty clear that you’re not going to see anything raunchier than Kenny G. playing a medley from “Oklahoma” at any Super Bowl for the next decade. In other words, that market genuinely is regulating itself, while the aspects of communications that Powell’s FCC should be spending its time and money on regulating are becoming a modern Gommorrah of corporate rapine. And like any wanton harlot, all it took was a few bucks for the Bush administration to invite big media to rip away its last flimsy layers of lacy, underwired protection and support, exposing the soft, bountiful goodness of America’s… you get the idea.

*Whew.* So, I guess if you came here seeking the real obscenity surrounding the infamous halftime show, you’ve found it. But if you’re looking for unadulterated glimpses of a certain silly bit of latter-day burlesque (and a curiously instructive lesson in fluid dynamics vis-à-vis modern corsetry), well, that’s what the “Back” button is for.