Monthly Archive

[UPDATE: Not three hours after posting this, Denny Hastert reversed his decision. Do I get results or WHAT? I’ll leave it up, however, because a) I think it’s funny, and b) Hastert’s initial take on the issue probably came from a discussion much like this. Verbatim, perhaps.]
From The New York Times […]

We the straight people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect heterosexual union, establish justice (except for gays), insure domestic tranquility (oh, yeah, and except for those lesbians, too) (except if it’s like, some hot coed who’s really just experimenting and will eventually settle down but probably someday suggest to her […]

Friday, after returning from beautiful, golden Phoenix, we opened “The Next Big Broadway Musical.” Oh, dear readers, I wish you could’ve been there, if only to buy me drinks.
No, it was a completely satisfying experience. But be advised, New Yorkers and visitors, it was sold out. So you might want to […]

Dictionary.com defines a nadir as “the lowest point.” Trigonometrically speaking, it has the charm of being a place that you can only go to once.
Not so with Nader. He’s back.
Like an unhinged and jealous mistress from a bad sex thriller (”If I can’t have you, NO ONE CAN!”), Ralph has returned to […]

From Reuters: White House Declines to Endorse Jobs Forecast
WASHINGTON - The White House on Wednesday declined to publicly endorse its buoyant forecast predicting 2.6 million new jobs this year, prompting criticism from Democrats over the politically sensitive issue in an election year.
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After the success of this maneuver, which painted a picture […]

Early tomorrow I’ll be heading to Phoenix, Arizona for a live Wait Wait on Thursday night. One week later, I’ll be doing another one, this time in Chicago. One of these two shows will be presented at an outdoor venue.
In between, starting this Friday, we’ll be reopening the world’s greatest fully improvised […]

From: Karl Rove
To: All personnel
Re: Where We Are Strong
Hey guys. In planning for a Bush-Kerry fight, we’re going to have to take a clear-eyed look at our strengths and vulnerabilities. As always, it’s a matter of deciding not only where we put the goal-posts, but where we play the game, what […]

I return tomorrow to the polar bear habitat known as New York City, so there’ll be a little more action here on FA. It’s been a great trip. I think the reason that even more New Yorkers don’t move here is that we’re New Yorkers, so we look at cloudless skies and 70-degree […]

[I don’t have a lot of time today, babe. As I said, babe, I’m in LA, babe, taking meetings. But still (babe)…]
President Bush today announced a new multilateral initiative to stop the proliferation of WMDs. There’s a classic children’s fable in here, isn’t there?
France’s response was swift. “Sure,” it said, “Zat […]

Thanks to JetBlue’s TV and my esteemed L.A. hosts, I didn’t miss either of the week’s most important television broadcasts yesterday. Here’s how they stacked up against each other:
- Neither President Bush nor anyone at the Grammys had a reasonable explanation as to why, given the lack of any weapons of mass destruction, the […]