To: All personnel
From: Karl Rove
Re: New enemies

Mr. President, Mr. Vice President, Members of the administration;

As you might have heard, David Kay has quit, while telling everyone that Iraq didn’t possess any stockpiles of WMDs before we invaded. This despite the fact that no one has yet proved that those stockpiles aren’t there somewhere. And no one ever will - think about it. Anyway, please add Mr. Kay to your Enemies binder, in the “Defectors” subsection, right after Paul O’Neill, and tell your various staffs to “Plame” ‘im. They’ll know what you mean.

Also, U.S. District Judge Audrey B. Collins has just struck down part of the Patriot Act. Judge Collins should be added to your Enemies binders immediately. Also, it appears that Collins might be right about the Constitution being a problem for the Patriot Act, so I’ve included a copy of it with this memo. Please add it to your binders.

So, to review, our enemies now include (but are not limited to) David Kay, Paul O’Neill, Judge Audrey Collins, the Constitution, Ambassador Joseph C. Wilson, John DiIulio, France, Germany, Russia, Iran, North Korea, China, Canada, Syria, Democrats, the media, at least 51% of the voting public, the unions, the environmentalists, liberals, fiscal conservatives, Hollywood, the Dixie Chicks, gays, the NAACP, the ACLU, and that quiet, unassuming voice that whispers to me late at night and tries to shake my confidence by making me think about long-dead, hopelessly naive parts of me that are better left forgotten (no progress yet on hunting him down, but we’ll get him, we’ll get him).

And Al Qeada, of course. They’re enemies too. I’ll put together something on them for the binders soon.

Best,

Karl