“Look, I’m not a perfect person. I have my warts. I sometimes say things that get me in trouble. I wear suits that are cheap… I still have not recovered my voice from my screeching in Iowa… I’m not blow-dried. I’m not coached… In other words, I lead with my heart and not my head. That’s the only chance we have against George Bush.”
- Howard Dean onon Howard Dean
_______________________________________________________
Despite his Iowa freak out and the fact that he’s now trailing John Kerry by a couple of points in New Hampshire, Dean still holds a strong position in the polls, even widening his margin against some of the others in the past two days. This fact was not lost on his fellow candidates.
- In Manchester, Joe Lieberman was quick to point out that he himself has a rougher, wilder side. “I’m not perfect either. I have been known, on occasion, to raise my voice. I sometimes shoot from the hip as well. I go out without a hat in extremely chilly weather. And I don’t particularly like golden retrievers, even the puppies. See? I’ll say things like that. Because I’m real.”
- “I’m also a deeply, deeply flawed man,” said General Wesley Clark, stumping in Concord. “I have a bad temper, an attitude, and I have some personal habits that are frankly disgusting. It’s hard for people to get close to me, and when they do they usually end up getting hurt. I’m afraid of double decker buses. And it’s that kind of real-ness that going to help me beat George Bush in November.”
- In Nashua, John Edwards quickly rose to the challenge. “Hell, I’m crazy. I’m a fast-talkin’, rebel-yellin’ Southern sumnabitch and I don’t care WHO knows it. That’s how I’m going to beat George Bush - ‘cuz I’m real. I drool at night, wear mismatched socks, drink and yell and whoop it up every Saturday night until my kids cry with fear. Because I’m real, not some over-styled overly careful Yankee robot. Woof, as they say. Yeeeeha!”
- “Are you kidding me?” asked Dennis Kucinich rhetorically during a stump speech at a Manchester gas station. “I’m twice as flawed as any of those guys. I destroy everything I touch, can’t communicate my ideas, and lash out at anyone who comes near me. What you see is what you get, and that kind of genuineness is the only thing that can beat George Bush. Realness.
“I’ll tell you everything about me, straight up. I wake up every morning weeping and vomiting, I steal things from drugstores, little things, just to see if I can get away with it. I cut myself so I can feel alive, if only for a moment, and I still have strong sexual feelings for my mommy that I know are wrong but I just can’t help it. Sometimes I just wanna blow myself up and take everyone with me… that’s what makes me the only candidate real enough to beat George Bush.”
“Where was I?” mused Kucinich to a frightened and dwindling crowd, “Oh yeah - I have awful breath, I’m terrified of Swedes, I torment small animals that I catch in my yard. Wait, wait, there’s more…”
Fanny Roborat
20 comments
Murray
January 22, 2004 at 1:18 pm
1Lieberman-
I’m so real that some times I go wild and return my videos un-rewound, and some times I put chocolate in my milk. If you want a wild man who even sings show tunes in the shower, I’m your guy. Why (looking around warily) I’ve even torn off the “Do not remove under penalty of the law stickers” grrrrrr.
What I’d like to see is one of these guys getting real enough to beat Bush,,,,, with a stick.
(Troll notice-This was a joke)
Chicory
January 22, 2004 at 1:38 pm
2“I, too, am very, very human, ” replied John Kerry humbly when questioned in Manchester. “I’ll be playing hockey Saturday against a team of legendary Boston Bruins. I’m not a hockey player, so I expect I’ll get my butt kicked. However, that just proves how imperfect I am. I also expect to bleed profusely when hit. It will be real blood because I’m a real person. That’s how I plan to beat Bush. By being more real.”
Skerlnik
January 22, 2004 at 2:18 pm
3Al Sharpton responds:
“What? Nobody talkin’ ’bout how really-real Sharpton is? I’m makin’ my boy M.C. Hammer my veep, THAT’S how real I am, yo! Out!”
(Celebrity dialect impersonated)
Chris
January 22, 2004 at 3:13 pm
4Edwards: “Woof, as they say.”
Well done, Adam.
Chicory
January 22, 2004 at 3:47 pm
5Sorry, but “woof” is what my dogs say.
Eva
January 22, 2004 at 4:00 pm
6Joe Lieberman-
“I’m so flawed sometimes I wear wool coats with cotton thread….”
tess
January 22, 2004 at 4:58 pm
7let’s not forget gephardt, even though everyone else has:
“i’m so flawed i’m not even electable! look at me! i’m just like bush because i’m so human that no one wants me!”
Mad Kane
January 22, 2004 at 5:17 pm
8Damn, I wish I wrote that!
tim
January 22, 2004 at 6:42 pm
9Of course, Bush already expounded on his flaws. All the networks covered it Tuesday night.
t.a.
January 23, 2004 at 12:23 am
10here’s how damaging iowa was to dean: since monday night, he’s raised $600,000 - more than twice as kerry and more than kerry & edwards combined. when the bank comes to foreclose on kerry’s house, he’s gonna be wishing for some big-time damage (not to mention doing some screaming of his own)
littlebit
January 23, 2004 at 12:49 am
11“Joe Lieberman-
‘I’m so flawed sometimes I wear wool coats with cotton thread….’”
a wolf in sheep’s. . . a sheep in. . ., oh. tiptoeing away now. how do you to spell the plural of tiptoe? Bet Dean wishes he did, could, tiptoe away, that is.
Miel
January 23, 2004 at 2:36 am
12ha ha…I get it–everyone imitates Dean!
They do! Oh, wait. Was that it? If not, this is what they will all do. But when real-Dean isn’t around will the non-Dean Dean forget to do the Dean thing? This is what I wonder. They might have to carry a little picture and voice recording.
VT Elitist
January 23, 2004 at 12:18 pm
13George Bush:
“When I want people to think that I’m just normal folk, I clear brush from my 1,600 acre ranch. Y’all should git one too! Mine only set me back about 1.2 mil in 1999.”
Amy Lin
January 23, 2004 at 3:39 pm
14Quite amusing (though I could have done without the gratuitous reference to self-injury).
Have you seen this article? On a more uplifting note, Look! Some Republicans can do the right thing!
Gordon the Magnificent
January 24, 2004 at 8:10 pm
15Blah Blah Blah. Bush’s fighting his Daddy’s war. Blood for oil. Blah blah blah. Do you people ever have an original thought?
Same liberal spew, different day.
Dean was the only shot you had. Now he’s the laughing stock of the Country. Expect Saturday Night Live spoofs to follow.
Murray
January 24, 2004 at 10:51 pm
16Troll alert! Troll alert!
Unless you call ugliness original, there is nothing worth the time to look at Gordon the Magnificent’s site.
Such a shame that a good site like this also attracts so much nonsense.
adam
January 25, 2004 at 1:49 pm
17Not a big deal, really… there’s always a Gordon or two dropping by from time to time. The Fun Irony here is that his comment is for a post (and accompanying comment set) that mainly makes fun of Democrats.
That’s the problem with being a troll sometimes - you’re under the bridge, so it can be hard to tell what’s going on overhead.
Murray
January 25, 2004 at 6:03 pm
18Adam
It doen’t take long to tell who is the professinal and who is the hack.
tess
January 26, 2004 at 6:11 pm
19hack? wow, gordon actually qualifies as a hack? i’m amazed he can even write.
Murray
January 26, 2004 at 7:18 pm
20How’s that go? Not that the bear does a good job, but that he can ride the bike at all. For some folks, just putting words together is amazing enough.