Monthly Archive

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people who are not football fans find themselves watching the orthopedist’s nightmare known as the Super Bowl, that annual pageant wherein America’s finest strut their stuff in momentary bursts of furiously creative hyperactivity. And in between those commercials, there’s a game being played.
That game is what we’re concerned […]

From Reuters:
“Condoleezza Rice defended Bush’s decision to go to war and said the United States may never learn the whole truth about Iraq’s weapons capabilities because of looting after the conflict.”

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[Scene: A moonlit desert night on the outskirts of Karbala, March 24, 2003. Two bedraggled soldiers, Hashim and Ahmad, late of Saddam’s Republican Guard, sift […]

Defying predictions and all known mathematical principles, every single Democratic candidate emerged from yesterday’s New Hampshire primary with a late surge and a stunning, decisive victory.
- Winner John Kerry was generous with the credit. “This victory belongs to all of you,” he said, indicating his controversial plan to install everyone who votes for […]

To: All personnel
From: Karl Rove
Re: New enemies
Mr. President, Mr. Vice President, Members of the administration;
As you might have heard, David Kay has quit, while telling everyone that Iraq didn’t possess any stockpiles of WMDs before we invaded. This despite the fact that no one has yet proved that those stockpiles aren’t […]

[Candidate Felber struggles into a crowded town hall in the wilds of New Hampshire, carrying the large stump of a felled maple tree. He places the stump on the podium and gets on top of it. This arrangement compels him to bend at the waist just to get near the microphone below. […]

“Look, I’m not a perfect person. I have my warts. I sometimes say things that get me in trouble. I wear suits that are cheap… I still have not recovered my voice from my screeching in Iowa… I’m not blow-dried. I’m not coached… In other words, I lead with my heart and not my head. […]

My Fellow Citizens;
If you’re like me, that whole speech last night is a bit of a blur. In fact, it was almost blurry enough. Almost. If Bush wins the election, next year I’m going to have to resort to some of those harder drugs that the kids have apparently stopped taking these […]

It’s time, folks. Load up on your favorite intoxicant, invite your friends over, and prepare yourself for what promises to be a stellar State of the Union Address and a tremendously cathartic accompanying Drinking Game. For three years, Fanatical Apathy has been providing you with this fun, unique, and unhealthy coping mechanism. […]

As we know, Adam Felber does not comment on pundits and their opinions. Adam Felber prefers to stay focussed on actual news while referring to himself in the third person as often as possible. It’s kind of a rule around here, as you know. You know this because I have mentioned it […]

Tallahassee, Thursday (FA Wire) - US Representative Katherine Harris (R. FL) announced today that she would not seek the Senate seat vacated by Bob Graham (D. FL), despite the fact that she’d already won the election.
The announcement was particularly disappointing to Harris’ supporters, as just yesterday, Harris’ successor, Florida Secretary of State Glenda E. Hood […]