Merry Christmas to all. Well, not quite all.
Like most of you, I’ve been wrapped up in wrapping and unwrapping these past couple of days. But I wanted to take a quick break to wish you all a very happy holidays.
Sure, all is not calm out there. Nor particularly bright. At least, not everywhere. But if you’re reading this, chances are you’re in a relatively peaceful locale, and you can start plotting and planning and scheming about how you might spread a li’l of that around in the coming year.
Me, I’m doing it this way: From now on, anyone who ambushes, car-bombs, or plots to destroy an entire people - they’re off my Christmas card list. Just like that. No exceptions. That goes for suicide bombers too, though I suppose it’s a less useful ban in some ways. Saboteurs, civilian-targeting jihadists, terrorists - don’t expect any holiday cheer from the Felber household this year. You’re not gettin’ any. No cute cards depicting Jeanne and me and perhaps our cat Horatio being oppressed by an adorable and iconic red and white hat, no Currier & Ives-esque scenes of horse-drawn sleds in the snow accompanied by a cheery and seasonal greeting from us, no “hi-tech” cards that will play a squeaky monophonic carol when opened and then (maddeningly) when closed as well. Nope, not for you.
Harsh, I know. But you should’ve thought of that before you embarked on your program of unrestrained terror.
To the rest of you, though, and I mean ALL the rest of you, let me repeat: Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. And all the joy of the season on y’all.





11 comments
Murray
December 25, 2003 at 3:48 pm
1Wait a minute, you mean you’re not on the side of terrorists? I thought that all liberals were terrorist supporters. You know, if you don’t support this administration completely, you’re against us, kind of thing.
I’m going to have to rethink this.
That means that we can be against terror and still oppose this administration. Hmm…
Hey this is good news, Merry Christmas!
littlebit
December 25, 2003 at 8:28 pm
2Any more of this terrorism nonsense, on the other hand, gets you a standing, mandatory attendance invitation to holiday festivities with the ghouls of middle earth. Or my in-laws, not to be repetetive.
In any case, the holidays are skipping right on by, and good will glows on in hearts of all sizes. Gods bless.
julia
December 25, 2003 at 10:42 pm
3Well, I made the kid turn off showing 2 of Finding Nemo at ten, which makes me (I’m told) a very mean person, but not an actual terrorist, so I’ll tentatively assume I’m included.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
stuart
December 27, 2003 at 12:43 am
4I see that you’re no longer concerned about REAL unrestrained terror but only PROGRAMS of unrestrained terror. What a revisionistorical hysterian you are.
Joyous Saturnalia and Felicitous Zagmuk.
BillyBoy
December 27, 2003 at 2:27 am
5I recommend the Bush-Doctrine approach to sending out holiday greetings: Anyone who you suspect might be involved, sometime in the distant or near future, irregardless of proof or provocation, with or without factual or objective reasons, of committing a terrorist act should be taken off your holiday list preemptively.
This includes those who send out fruitcakes, re-gift small kitchen appliances, or send out pictures of their families in postcard form. After all, this should be a macroscopic approach to terrorism, and what’s more terrible than that?
Oh yeah, Adam: I just got back from Dallas and I think you should take the civil engineers responsible for the freeways out there off your list also. The bastards are terrorists in everything but name.
Teaflax
December 27, 2003 at 11:05 am
6Anyone who uses “irregardless” is off my christmas card list.
Joshua Scholar
December 27, 2003 at 11:27 pm
7“Irregardless” eh?
“Amid” is the weasel word that sets me off. Whenever I hear, or read that one word excuse for lazy journalism I have fantasies of buying a newspaper just so that I could ban “amid” with extreme prejudice.
Jen
December 28, 2003 at 6:37 pm
8Happy New Year
Peace
tess
December 29, 2003 at 1:31 pm
9*sigh* ’tis the season when i guess i can’t go about bashing people on the head with a giant hilshire farm summer sausage whenever they annoy me. happy holidays, y’all.
Katie
December 29, 2003 at 10:45 pm
10Tess,
Hillshire dope-slaps are ALWAYS in season, now more than ever……
Anonymous
January 6, 2004 at 8:13 pm
11Hey Adam!
I’m trying to get hold of you to book you on a TV special. Where can I call you?
My number here is 323-882-8008
Anxious to talk,
Shahnti