It’s been an amazing week for Joe Lieberman. His unexpected “pity bounce” from Al Gore’s defection was thrilling to students of political history [I was the glad recipient of a “pity bounce” back in my college days, but that is clearly another story]. Lieberman is the first candidate to make a major grab for that type of abject sympathy since Charles Evans Hughes’ ill-fated 1916 campaign. You may remember his slogan: “Hughes - His Wife Abandoned Him. Will You Do The Same?”

But yesterday, shortly after the Earthworm Formerly Known As Saddam was prised from his burrow, Jilted Joe had this to say:

“This news makes clear the choice the Democrats face next year. If Howard Dean had his way, Saddam Hussein would still be in power today, not in prison, and the world would be a much more dangerous place.”

Wow! It’s hard to imagine a statement more true nor more unfair than this one. And only hours after Saddam’s capture! I wish I’d been there to witness this gem of political hackery live, though I’d imagine that the force of it was somewhat undercut by Lieberman’s sloshy and laconic baritone. But still…

Yes, it’s true. If Dean had been President during this term, Saddam would likely still be in power. In fact, it’s hard to imagine any administration over the same period, Democratic or Republican, that would’ve deposed Saddam except that of George W. Bush. Gore, Kerry, McCain, Dole, even Lieberman himself - none of them would have pursued the wispy, spurious link between 9/11 and Iraq and committed so much time, energy, money, manpower and American blood to this particular cause. Right or wrong, George W. Bush gets credit not only for deposing Saddam, but for being probably the only President who would’ve (with the possible exception of Fatima el Nassariya, Saddam’s first wife. If she’d somehow become President, we’d have leveled Baghdad back in January, ‘01).

But my main interest is in Lieberman’s frothy wordplay, which suggests a whole raft of true-but-misleading accusations that the candidates can deploy on each other, so long as a sense of fairness doesn’t interfere. Gentlemen, you’re welcome to use any of these, and they’re all true:

“If George Bush has his way, Kim Jong Il will still be North Korea’s despot in 2006.”

See how this works? Bush hasn’t pushed for military action to effect regime change north of the ol’ DMZ. Fun, huh? In that spirit, here are some more:

“If John Kerry has his way, the oppressive regime of Myanmar will continue its brutally oppressive rule and continue to deny office to its legitimately elected President.”

“If Joe Lieberman has his way, Fidel Castro will happily rule Cuba until the end of his natural life.”

“If John Edwards has his way, Ryan Seacrest will remain the host of ‘American Idol.’”

Pretty neat, no? The above adequately illustrates why Joe Lieberman will not be receiving my endorsement in the coming year. Nor will John Edwards, come to think of it. Some kinds of inaction are simply inexusable.