Profiles In Courage

You know, the more I think about it, the more I like this to-the-winners-goes-the-spoils idea. But I think it’s time we pressed it to its logical conclusion:

Any and all profit from reconstruction work gets divided equally among the soldiers in Iraq.

This is a winning policy: It’s Bush-logic fair, it’s pro-soldier, and it keeps the bad guys out (and by bad guys, of course, I mean the really bad guys: our long-term western European allies). As it stands now, Chirac and Schröder could buy stock in Halliburton and indirectly reap the benefits; we can’t have that!

Heck, with this kind of policy, our soldiers may be able to afford health insurance or housing.

While many on the left will find this either erudite or witty, I think you’re so self-interested in having this war be about oil and nothing else that you’re unable to see the people that were freed from Saddam.

Granted, I don’t think the Bush administration chose the right reasons to go into Iraq, I think we can all agree that deposing some of those fascists running resource rich countries into the ground and their peoples through plastic shredders might not be such a bad thing.

Lampooning the hard-working men and women of the US Military may seem like a good idea to you, but they’re the reason you get to behave as you do without threat of foreign invasion. They work for you, and this is all you can do? Make fun of them?

What a sick fuck you are.

Wha!? Who!? Huh!?
Tom Bridge, did you actually read the post? It’s hardly a “lampooning” of the men and women of the military, rather a humorous, fictitous commentary on the corporate executives who are being rewarded for the hard work of our military.

And I’d like to make a correction. Few of us on the left find anything about this situation “erudite or funny”. The term clusterf**k comes to mind though.

And I agree the Iraqi’s may actually feel relief… when, uh, hmmm… when we actually catch Saddam. Or maybe even Bin Laden… oh yeah, and address North Korea… and…

who is this tom bridge? and is he illiterate? did he choose not to read what was written? if he’s illiterate, then we can point him out the scientology page and have him learn to overcome his dyslexia like tom cruise! but if he’s unable to read at a middle-school level, then we’ll just have to pack him off to a texas high school so that he can enter and mysteriously disappear from school records when he drops out!

After reading Adam’s post I couldn’t be prouder to be an American. Where else in the world can political contributors be so openly rewarded while the soldiers who do risk their lives so ignominiously denied their health benefits. And after reading Tom Bridge’s comment I can see how Bush gets away with it.

[Tom and I already exchanged a fruitless email or two over this, so I’ll just put my reply here:]

Probably not worth it, but for the last time, I was NOT mocking our military, nor your friends and family who serve and have served. Nor mine.

My point was that the people who are putting their lives on the line for our country are NOT the people who are profiting from it. The CEO of Exxon Mobil is not an American hero, saw no action in Tikrit, and Bush - to me - dishonors our country and our military by intimating that there is any link between them.

As regular visitors know, I hate explaining satire, and I resist replying to trolls. But I don’t think Tom’s a troll (despite the less-than-friendly language) - I think he’s just honestly misinterpreting my intent.

Tom, Tom Tom.
Please look up the following words:
irony
satire

Not everything can be noted with an emoticon.
Suggest you also read the classic essay “A MODEST PROPOSAL,” by Swift.

An excellent article on satire:

http://www.cranfordschools.org/chs/scholars/2001/18c/satire.html

but nevermind . You’d probably be furious with Swift for being cruel to children.

big old sigh

(satire) Is there an emoticon for satire, I wonder? We need one.

Found it!

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.” — E.B. White

Thanks a lot Bridge, you frog-killer

ok, adam, so my comment from yesterday about as a satirist you must be disappointed…can i plant that firmly in today’s comments? jeez. no joke bombs more than the intelligent one presented to the ignorant audience. do you have a screening process?

Brilliant article.

I think some people haven’t caught on that Tom Bridge is trolling.

Alternatively, perhaps Tom Bridge didn’t find it amusing because, well, it really wasn’t very funny.

Or well written.

Or subtle, as satire ought to be.

I mean, really, “sumnabitch?”

Or perhaps this gem of satiric inspiration: “Raymond, a Texas-based longtime friend of the Bush administration, is fat.” Ooh, ’cause Republicans are fat. ‘Cause they make a lot of money, get it?

I suppose I would have more sympathy for Adam if the article were, you know, any good. I mean, I get the point he was trying to make. But successful satire is at least mildly amusing.

I’m confused- why do people like Tom with no personal military background get so upset about perceived slights of the military? It’s not like he thinks it’s SO cool he’s sleeping in a tent right now…

Hmm I see that I misread a few posts that I skimmed. Ok only the three of us in this thread think you’re losing it Adam…

But your logic is still messed up badly.

We shouldn’t throw our weight around when countries’ hinder our security? The security of America isn’t as important as getting your partisan hate jollies in? We should care about fairness to international corporations? We should have contempt for the executives of American corporations and wish their companies’ failure… And the underlying assumption - the liberation of people from a tyrant is a BAD thing. Ending Saddams reign of terror (and his blatant funding for terrorism - everyone forgets Israel) is worth nothing at all..

I read this stuff and I get disgusted at your values Adam. And if I’m radical enought to think freedom and lasting peace is worth fieghting for I’m called a right winger… God it’s enough to turn me into a right winger, I’m so disgusted at the lefties I used to hang out with.. Except that I haven’t changed any of my beliefs, I just found out that my friends don’t give a shit about freedom or nor do they oppose terror. Not really.

ATTENTION TOM BRIDGE:

I have just returned home from a 16 hour day at my home military station where I am currently serving on active duty. It is 1 a.m. and I was just catching up on email and reading a few sites while I eat the first(and only) meal that I will have had today.

I read Adam’s posting and laughed at his increasing absurdity until I got to the line “been killed twice”. I laughed so hard it hurt, and I haven’t had a lot of reason to do that lately. I wonder if he got Echo Taps?! Politics and posturing and all of the other b.s. will go on for all eternity. We can’t change it, so sometimes we must laugh lest we cry.

War is hell.
The men and women of our Armed Forces are away from home, away from families, some away from children they haven’t even MET yet. The are living in a hot and sandy place (and I DON’T mean Cancun), facing unkowns every day of their lives, knowing they are there to serve their country, even if it means giving the ultimate sacrifce. It brings fear and loneliness and helplessness and confusion and doubt and homesickness and anger and so many other emotions. A bit of humor, a chance to smile, maybe even laugh out loud for the first time in days or weeks or months is a wonderful feeling. A sign of Patriotism renews the flame deep inside that we all carry from the moment we raised our right hands and vowed to protect our country, our people, our way of life, our president and all others over us; up to and including death. Whether we agree with the politics and reasons or not, whether we like our President or not; we will fight and we will go on and we will do whatever comes our way. period.

My husband has been in a warm and sandy location for 8 months. My baby sister is leaving right after Christmas to transport fuel in supply convoys (NOT the safest place to be right now). I am serving at home station for now, but live with the reality that I could be asked to go and police another part of the world at any time. I’m ready to go. I did all my paperwork months ago, got all of the shots, I wrote my will and outlined the provisions for our 6 yr old son, should neither of us come back home. He wears camoflage EVERY day, and has for 8 months. He refuses to wear anything else. He is so VERY proud of his dad, helping to catch the bad guys; and he so very much misses having a dad with whom to share the moments of his life. 8 months is an eternity to a 6 yr old. He’s had a birthday, learned to ride a 2 wheeler, started first grade, gone on his first camping trip,… all without his dad.

I know so many people over there, and all I can do is pray they get home safely.

So, Mr. Tom Bridge (and the others of you who pop in here from time to time with your blathering) I have one thing to say to you:

If you haven’t walked a hundred miles in combat boots; if you haven’t eaten the cracker and cheese stuff out of an MRE and thought it the best thing you’ve ever eaten; and if you haven’t stood at a military funeral burying a comrade; I most respectfully ask you to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! How DARE you presume to speak on behalf of our soldiers and sailors and airmen/women. They have the balls to stand up and defend all of the freedoms and priviledges we have, to go where they are sent and do whatever they must do, and to live by a code of patriotic honor you can’t even fathom.

I mean Adam’s article made me laugh, not the gentleman from the Army!

Exactly!!! Adam wrote a wickedly funny piece of satire that brought a good laugh to many people!! He’s not Anti-American or Anti-military.

He is a DAMN fine comedian, satirist, and humorist (and i’m not sure i spelled even one of those right, but i’m too sleepy to care this morning) I wait in anticipation each day to come home and read Fanatical Apathy; not only Adam’s work, but the witty and pointed comments of our fellow readers.

When you stop and think about it…. this is exactly why we get up each morning and don the uniforms we do… to protect the freedoms and rights we, as a nation, have made for ourselves over the past 250 years.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We get so wrapped up in all of the other stuff that we forget that last one.

The pursuit of happiness.

We NEED to laugh, we need to smile, sometimes telling a joke is the only way to deal with a situation. I recently read an article that states on average children laugh 400 per day, while adults only laugh an average of 13 times a day. I stand on my feet and applaud anyone who can raise that average, one laugh at a time.

Sorry , I meant Chicory. my apologies.

I am really to tired to be opporating a keyboard this morning.

Uhm actually Benedict, Adam is misrepresenting our government punishing politicians who exploited our country’s security for their own gain with a non-sequiter that imagines CEO’s as profiteers.

Anything that approached the actual situation would have placed him on the wrong side of the issue, so he had to invent something whole-cloth.

And just maybe this is all about helping Iraq
from the washington post:
…
White House press secretary Scott McClellan suggested countries that forgive Iraqi debts could be added to the list of those eligible to bid. “If countries want to join in our efforts in Iraq,” he said, “circumstances can change, and we’ll make that very clear.”

Baker will travel to France, Russia, Germany and other countries next week to ask the governments there to forgive part of Iraq’s crushing national debt. France and Russia, which are permanent members of the U.N. Security Council and carry major Iraqi debts, are particularly crucial.

Adam,
After reading your posts of the past few days and the comments from Joshua Scholar Number Seven and Tom Bridge, it’s obvious that you‘re dropping your bucket down a dry well.
These are folks who have already admitted to skimming over what they are reading. They appear to hit a few words, fill in the rest as they wish, and attack you (or us) for what was not written. It is all too apparent that had they merely read carefully what you had written the first time, (1) they either would not have responded as they did or (2) they are trolling to waste you time and ours, or (3) they are just not able to process irony and satire.

Perhaps you should have a special section for children, the mentally impaired, right wingers, and trolls, (I apologize to children), where they must prove that they have actually read all of what you have written. Then you explain (every time) that you actually do love America, do actually want the best for our troops, do enjoy, and don’t take for granted the freedoms that we have under the constitution, and that disagreeing with the current administration doesn’t negate any of these. (Remind them of how they felt that opposing Clinton made them patriots).
Make them prove that they have read this section, and send them back to the beginning to do it all over again. Only then can they access a special comment place when they can still claim that you are an America-hater, unfunny, candy-assed liberal traitor who wants to see our troops turned over to Sadam. But at least you won’t be squandering your precious election preparation time on them.

I am SO glad Ms. Layton isn’t here to witness these playground fights. It would be too, too embarassing.

SO, I’m taking this post and going home until you all learn to place nice. So there. Plthzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Um, so, my statement that the piece just wasn’t funny is somehow invalidated by the fact that my email address ends in mac.com?

So, just because Tom Bridge and I both happen to be Mac users, I’m some plant bitch conjured out of thin air to defend him? He spent the hundred bucks to get another mac.com address so he could fight with y’all here? I mean, I realize Mac users are often accused of all being identical in our zealotry, but even that only extends to our choice of computing platform. Both Al Gore and Rush Limbaugh are Mac users, after all.

I understand the point Adam was trying to make, and it’s certainly a valid one. My point was simply that the piece wasn’t that funny OR well-written, and its intentions were easily misunderstood, unless you happen to be wrapped up in the ideological groupthink cocoon that is clearly being spun thicker and thicker here.

And for the record… if you want to make a fat joke, make a damn fat joke. Pointing out the obvious isn’t funny, it’s uncreative. And the rule of thumb for redneck jokes is… only Jeff Foxworthy gets to use the word “sumnabitch,” but since he’s not funny either….

Personally, I was disappointed… I was pointed to this page by someone telling me it was funny and isn’t it ridiculous that this guy doesn’t get the joke. Then I get here… and it’s just not funny.

NumberSeven:

it’s nice of you to point out that you don’t share a particular sense of humor, but i see little by way of how it could be misconstrued or misunderstood unless the reader is autistic, or perhaps stupid, illiterate, or ill-educated. if you don’t understand the that the piece is meant to be humorous from such phrases as “killed twice in separate car-bombing incidents” i suggest that perhaps you check into reality now and then.

Poor Adam. I’d die of embarrassment being defended by fans like tess , stuart and Murray.

Well, Ms. Layton is here, children.

And all I can say is that no one seems to see that both “Joshua Scholar” and “Tom Bridge” are themselves satirists, or at least, trying to become so.
Don’t fret. It took me a while to see it too.
I mean to say - NO one could be that utterly obtuse and humorless, not to mention so steadfast in misinterpreting everything Adam has written. It is definately meant to be amusing.
Admittedly, it is not as amusing as they would wish, perhaps, but then, satire takes work.

That post cracked me up. Probably everyone should recall the wise words of Tom Tomorrow when attacked by bozos who didn’t or wouldn’t get his joke: “If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it.”

Joshua Scholar:

how can i resist? i live for playground taunts!

awww, poor little baby! did you trip on your arguments again? don’t understand what adam said? here, let me put on some bill o’reilly so you can feel superior about yourself again.

Adam -
A most entertaining post. It’s sad that people can be so dense. As a friend of mine says: “F**k ‘em and feed ‘em beans.” I have no idea what he means by that, but it’s funny. To me. Others might find it offensive, and think that I’m anti-bean. I’m not. I’m all for beans, or anything in the legume family.

On another note, let me be the first to offer a bourbon to you and any other WaitWait panelists when you’re here in Chicago next week. We “midwesterners” can be quite hospitable when we’re not complaining about the cold.

I think there should be a corollary to Godwin’s Law:

If a Conservative commenter calls you an America-hater, they’ve lost the argument.

Ok, ok, we get it. Some people don’t think it’s funny. I, on the other hand, find it absolutely f—ing hilarious. Thus, we make a gigantic intellectual leap — different people find different things funny. I call dibs on presenting our discovery to the world of science.

When will we get the CEO action figures? These brave bastards, risking it all for their country, surely deserve not only as much Iraqi and American money as we can force-feed down their pastry-laden gullets, but posters, and TV specials, and parades, and, yes, action figures, with realistic cost-cutting karate chop. What can their action phrases be?

“Saddam, I’m gonna open up a can of rightsizing on your sorry ass.”

“Prepare for the most unpleasant Powerpoint presentation of your life, you towel-headed bastards.”

“Dammit, I asked for a mocha grenade launcher. Mocha!”

I think our soldiers in Iraq should be proud. As our President so eloquently said, our people risked their lives. It makes perfect sense to thank them for their efforts in the most direct way imaginable — by rewarding multi-billion-dollar companies with a little extra taxpayer money, when they might otherwise have had to compete on price.

God bless you, boys.

Joshua Scholar:

we’re not calling you a conservative because you disagree. we’re calling you an idiot because you can’t even understand that the piece adam wrote was satire and directed at CEOs, not coalition forces. your comments this entire time have restated over and over that adam has been disrespecting soldiers, so tell me what statements, in context, were so offensive to you? otherwise, keep quiet if you can’t present your criticisms without foot to stand on.

Jeeze I said “is something we should support” when I meant to write “are things we should support.” I want to make it clear that I support the liberation of Iraq largely because I support freedom from tyranny, not just because of whats incorrectly called the “war on terror” and should be called “war on islamofacist jihad” and perhaps “the sometimes cold war on the states that support islamofacist jihad and make it part of their nationalism”

It’s a mouthful.

Sigh. After 9/11 I spent a year reading every translation from Arabic I could find. I read journals, newspapers, political speeches, educational materials and sermons. I also looked for activists and read what they have to say…

What I found was that the Muslim world is scary as Germany in the 30’s - completely insane and dieing of frustration that they can’t get their war on with all of the world’s (often well armed) infidels.

If you don’t know that then you can’t make any sense out of our foreign policy. There’s lots of people who, like me, thought GWB was an idiot chimp but who didn’t bother research what was going on in the world. If you just assume that everything the Bush admin does is wrong and don’t thing you need to bother to understand the world… then you sound like Adam Felber.

Tom Bridge is an ass. Visit his blog and see what I mean. So many people try to point out his foibles and make good fun of his short sightedness on his blog, but he’s so obtuse that he can’t laugh at himself. He’s a pompous ass.

Ann wrote:
Why are members of the military off-limits to criticism? They have voluntarily given up their free will, and have agreed to kill and/or be killed regardless of the reasons for the battle. Why is that admirable?
If any president (not particularly the current one) wants to start a war for dishonest or unjustifiable reasons, the military agrees to go along, unquestioningly. Why is this good? Why is this patriotism? Not every battle is truly in defense of America, or our freedom, or my right to say these things. Why is being willing to risk one’s life in a dishonorable endeavor actually an honorable thing?

I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here, and that’s the fact that anyone with half a brain can spin anything to mean whatever they want. Hell, I could spin the comments of all the dissenters to be anti-american, anti-military, anti-christian, or pro-Detroit Tigers if I really wanted.

The real point is that Adam’s post is damn funny to most of us, and not to others. What’s the big deal? If you guys are this critical of the non-humorous, I’d hate to see the kind of comments you leave at Yakov Smirnov’s blog.

guess not.

Ann

I agree with US ARMY SPC.

You need to think of the army not as a political entity which can be right or wrong, but as a tool, say a gun. A gun can be used for good or bad but in any case the gun needs to work. It can’t have the choice to refuse. If you agree that we need an army, and it seems hard to imagine anyone disagreeing with that, then you need to accept that they have to fight with out question when ever asked. This is the only way it can work, for good or bad.

Attacking individual soldiers has to be out of bounds. You may not remember Viet Nam, where soldiers, many of whom disagreed with the war, were spat on when they retuned. This was so wrong.

I believe that:
Going to Viet Nam was wrong.
Invading Granada was wrong.
Invading Panama was wrong.
The Iraq war was wrong.
But I don’t blame any of the soldiers who fought there.

i’m a little confused by this so-called controversy:

1. if someone does not find adam’s post to be funny, why are they arguing so much about it. i mean, i am always finding stuff that isn’t funny. if i commented “not funny” everytime i saw something unfunny, i would never get anything done.

2. how exactly is the post disrespectful to american forces? (tom’s claim) i don’t see anything even remotely resembling that in adam’s post. in fact, if anything it is pro-soldier in that it contrasts the heroism of individual soldiers with the lack of heroism of the c.e.o.s who will profit from this policy.

3. why exactly does joshua’s approval of the war lead to the conclusion that the post is bad? i mean, you can believe that the war was a spiffy idea and yet recognize the inherent absurdity in bush saying that those who risked their lives in iraq should get government contracts when none of the people who will actually profit served in iraq. the latter point is all this post is about. you can even think this contract blacklist is a good idea (as joshua apparently does) and still recognize the bush’s statement are absurd.

(oh and joshua, as a jewish guy who speaks and reads some arabic i totally disagree that the arab world is like germany in the 1930s. when people survey something as vast as the media of an entire culture, i find, that they usually find whatever they expected to see in the first place)

OK, I’ll end the italics for you, if I can.

Tom has posted a detailed explanation of why he was offended at his site. *sigh* I think hoping he gets Adam’s intent is like hoping my Amish neighbor can figure out why my car keeps stalling. I need to stop following this.

If I can’t tell who you’re making fun of, or why, it’s lousy satire.
If I can’t tell whether I’m supposed to be pissed off, or laughing, it’s lousy satire.
Period.

I hate to be mister obvious… but if this “debate” took place in the forum it would be much easier to navigate and read…

Tom-

I don’t believe it justifies some of the more personal attacks, but come on. You misinterpreted something (by your own admission), flew off the handle, and ended your post with calling Adam a sick fuck, all in an arena filled with people that like to think of themselves as intelligent and world aware. What were you expecting, a legion of converts to your way of life? Partisanship has nothing to do with the fact that when you try and manke an argument and end it with a phrase like “What a sick fuck you are”, you’ve just eliminated your own credibility AND put on a giant penis costume. I’ve looked at your site, and I’m sure you’re a decent fella, so I think that if you stop and think about it, you’ll see that this whole issue would NEVER have blown up like this had you kept the discourse civil.

And BTW, I’m not a Dem but *I* found the post funny. So I don’t think it’s partisan humor, either.

I still think the best line to come out of all this - even with the many good ones Adam got in there - is this one:

Adam is misrepresenting our government punishing politicians who exploited our country’s security for their own gain with a non-sequiter that imagines CEO’s as profiteers.

It would have an embedded self-description if “non sequitur” had been correctly spelled.

But, seriously - can anyone parse it for me? Has he misrepresented the government that is punishing politicians, or has he misrepresented politicians who punish the government…or something else?

DUDE!!! They did this EXACT BIT on SNL Weekend Update last night. Tina Fey did it. All about the brave CEO’s fighting behind the lines for our freedom. You should get a transcript.

Not as well cone, and it had to be shorter as well
but THE SAME THING.

We’re snowed in at the cabin with mom, ed and the dogs FYI…

I think one of the marks of effective satire is that it’s funny because it’s true.

A correlary: the people it’s aimed at think it’s not funny because it’s true.

I’ll bet the British thought A Modest Proposal was unfunny and in terrible taste.

Absolutely laugh-out-loud hilarious. Hey, did SNL steal this idea from you? They did this same basic bit last night.

And you know it’s good when you get all these trolls– nobody bothers to yelp if they don’t feel the sting.

NumberSeven:

i wasn’t taking offense at the fact that you didn’t find it funny, but i just found it hard to believe that it can be misconstrued and misinterpretted by readers, which was a point you made in your second post.

but i guess i was wrong about the post being misconstrued and misinterpretted because it seems people are able to misunderstand it. my profound apologies.

Teaflax, I think the fact that I left out an apostrophe ’s’ and referred to politicians in other country’s as simply “politicians” confused you.

Broken up into third-grade reading level chunks what I said was:

Washington is punishing politicians like Chirac and Shroder for screwing us over. These foreign politicians did it to get a little domestic oomph from playing to the shallow anti-Americanism of some of their voters. Our government is punishing those politicians for playing politics with America’s security. Adam Felber misrepresented what our government was doing. He made up a non-sequiter that imagines CEO’s as profiteers instead of addressing what was actually going on.

It should all be clear now.

Scholar: Bush said, and I quote, “friendly coalition forces risked their lives and the contracting is going to reflect that.”

You may notice that your word “punishment” is not included in this sentence. (Lack of reward and punishment are not, in fact, the same things.)

What Bush said was that “our people risked their lives.” What Adam Felber pointed out was that the people who risked their lives were not the same as the people who would most directly be benefiting from the oil contracts.

He did this by pretending that the CEOs were military heroes and by exgaggerating their ‘accomplishments.’

Third-grade explanations of satire aside, if opening up Iraq contracts to French and German bidding could save the federal government millions of dollars that could be spent on, say, soldier housing and benefits, then “punishing” Chirac and Schroder for their position on the Iraq war is irresponsible. It’s cutting off France’s nose to spite our face.

Yo, Tom. If you’re going to comment on Adam’s site, stop with the spam-style duplicate comments. I’m tired of seeing virtually the same cut-and-paste comment for each post. It’s lazy, and shows that you’re not bothering to read the posts. (Although the one responding to the Kyoto/cloning one is unintentionally funny!)

Well, you know, Joshua, I only listed the possibilities that applied to this situation.

Murray,

THANK YOU!!! You made my day!!

:)

Katie

In my experience (read: this applys to me. YMMV) satire is often hard to identify. Often it’s the source or the tone that makes it satire. Replace George Bush with Al Franken and suddenly the last three years becomes a huge joke instead of a long nightmare. If Adam’s post had been on a .gov or .mil website it would have been horrifying. We knew he didn’t mean it (he even killed people repeatedly to make that point) so it became humor.

As far as what group was insulted by his original post - what I read was a bunch of overpaid desk jockeys being made out to be war heros. War profiteers being given the same status as the grunts who are facing Sunni and Shi’ite extremists with nothing but a gun and Vietnam era armor. If there was any insult to the soldiers it’s that Bush ever tried to lump CEOs in with soldiers at all.