I was struck deeply today by the news that Marilyn Manson has enraged the Swiss with his stage antics. Apparently, the latter day Alice Cooper ripped up a bible during a sold out performance of the Marilyn Manson Philharmonic in Zurich [NOTE: I’m not actually sure what Manson’s ensemble is called, this is just an educated guess].

What caught my attention is that Manson said his act was “was meant to inspire a debate about religion and violence.” He’s simply expressing his beliefs in an uncompromising manner - just like our President. That’s pretty admirable, right? But here’s the important part: Manson’s been touring all over Europe, expressing his non-negotiable policies, and HE’S only managed to enrage one little country. And not a major military power either - he’s put us at odds with a country that’s as wealth-filled and unprotected as… as Iraq, really.

So this exercise in precision-guided insensitivity, so much cleaner and tactically wise than the foreign policy of our current chief made me begin to ponder: Marilyn Manson for President?


[Presidential hopeful Manson strikes a
patriotic pose during a recent stump speech.]

Unlike President Bush, Manson cheerfully walks into potentially dangerous situations, announcing his visits weeks in advance. His song titles illustrate a strong, clear, and unambiguous platform - not completely unlike the President’s, but better articulated. Compare Bush’s foreign policy with Manson’s “Use Your Fist And Not Your Mouth.” Contrast Bush’s record on education with “Disposable Teens” and “Count to 6 and Die” and “Kiddie Grinder.” Examine the confluence between the Bush tax cuts and “Tourniquet.” And look at Bush’s economic policy as compared to Manson’s “Doll-Dagga Buzz-Buzz Ziggety-Zag.” In every case, you’ll find that Manson’s positions are clearer and more forthright. And best of all, Manson had the foresight and acuity to piss off Switzerland rather than France and Germany.

Me, I’d much rather be feuding with a tiny, unmilitarized nation that’s packed with gold. I’d have no problem chowing down on a “Freedom Roll” with a mug of “Freedom Miss” instant cocoa. It’s easy and relatively risk-free to kick around the Swiss. You can bet that the Bush administration wishes they’d thought of it first.

But they didn’t. Manson did. And that’s just the kind of leadership we need. So although I don’t want to handicap my own campaign, some of you out there might want to start a grassroots “Draft Manson” movement. After all, we could do worse. We already have.