“Stalkergate?” “Slanderfest?” “Commentapalooza?”

Dunno. Personally, I feel our time is best spent defaming Luskin. I only have a few hours a day set aside for defaming people, and I like to make sure it counts. Besides, I have a special grudge against Luskin — I know him personally, and can vouch for the fact that he is not a nice man.

Luskin lives across the alley from me — we live close enough together that I can see in his window at night (Oh, joy.) His all-nighters with a robed figure I will only identify as A. Scalia can get quite loud. (I can’t stand it when they both start urinating out the side window onto Tucker Carlson’s property. “Ten points for me, I win!”, Luskin invariably screams at the end, after which A.S. raises his robe and shouts “I’m Batman!”. Not really sure how that got started, but they’ve been doing it for months now.)

Right now he’s renting out his guest room to Saddam Hussein. Thankfully, Saddam is at least quieter than the others (seems like a nice boy, keeps to himself a lot) but seeing the three of them tounge-kissing is not a pleasant thing to witness when you’re standing over your barbeque trying to make sure the burgers don’t burn, let me tell you. (I don’t have a problem with gay people in general, but when one of the guys has a full mustache, it just isn’t a pretty sight.)

Speaking of full mustaches, Luskin seems to have a thing going on with Ann Coulter, too. In truth, he’s a pretty snappy crossdresser — I often see him and Ann wearing matching outfits (and carrying identical tire irons) when they go out for a night of stalking Susan Sarandon. And Saddam says he’s a great kisser, but I think Saddam’s really got his eye on that Wolfowitz fellow down the street. (I don’t know much about that, though, and I wasn’t raised to spread gossip.)

Of course, I must admit I’m biased — I just don’t care how great a kisser Luskin is, or how many times he pees playfully on Tucker’s marigolds from his second-story window. I’ve hated Luskin ever since he killed my parents, and hauled them into his roughly-hewn backyard den to drink their still-warm blood. Primarily, what ticked me off is that he used one of those curly-wiggly-sippy-straws to do it, and that is _so_ 1970s. I mean, c’mon.

George W. Bush is fully qualified to be our president and commander-in-chief.

Sorry, but it’s the biggest lie I could come up with on short notice.

Tom DeLay runs a pedophile ring in his local Sunday School.

Sean Hannity has to kill randow drifters to get an erection.

Bill O’Reilly is an accomplished auto-fellating contortionist.

Karl Rove is a genetically modified manpig who escaped from the Isle of Dr Moreau.

Dick Cheney is just a mean old bastard.

Rumsfeld is a re-animated mummy who has to bathe in the blood of National Guardsmen without medical benefits to sustain himself.

Here’s one that’s been proven to work:

Scientology is a total fraud of a religion designed solely to achieve tax-exempt status while bilking gullible fools out of thousands of dollars.

Plus, L. Ron Hubbard was known to give blow jobs to leprechauns.

John Ashcroft has butt sex with anonymous bloggers in public restrooms. He enjoys a good reacharound while fantasizing about corpse-raping Strom Thurmond.

Ann Coulter has a real penis that she shows to her neighbor’s children in between fellatio sessions with Phyllis Schlaffly. Also, Phyllis Schlaffly is a man.

Lynne Cheney once performed a back alley abortion on Laura Bush, after having drugged her. Her reason, “To keep more stupid out of this world”. George Bush proclaimed Lynne to be the winner of the Pulitzer Peace Prize without realizing that the award didn’t exist, and that if it did, he wouldn’t be able to declare the winner. Upon hearing of this lack of power, he drank a Bill O’Reilly semen sample with a vodka chaser before inserting a special webcam into his anus.

Little Known Fact: Cokie Roberts has all three of her nipples pierced with rusty nails. Also: Really a man.

Rick Santorum: Secretly loves the term named after him by Dan Savage. Also, loves to eat all of the santorum he can get his hands on. And babies.

Paul Wolfowitz: Impregnated by Colin Powell last month while over-indulging at private “I love Al Quaida” party. Overheard saying that he loves the French because of their “tasty frogs”. Bathes nude in John Ashcroft’s office for “payola”.

Charlton Heston and Ted Nugent have matching prince alberts with a special interlocking ring for when they are “together”.

Justice Clarence Thomas has his nipples pierced. He jumped off the parade float during pridefest at Disney’s Gay Days in Orlando, ran into the tattoo/piercing shop and did it really quick. He was gonna get that Prince Albert thing too but his nipples were smarting so bad that tears were running down his face and smearing his makeup and making his false eyelash glue come loose. His voice was wavering when he said, “Maybe next time…”

George Will sucks shit out of dead men’s assholes.

It is bad enough that that unctuous offal loving stoat of a reactionary hack Luskin brands Krugman as a liar (that’s not libelous though), he then gets the blood sucking, amoral demon spawn Upton to intimidate and threaten those who don’t agree with him and have the audacity to say so in public. What has happened to free speech and voicing ones opinion? Are we now to be held to a higher standard than Luskin, O’Reilly, Coulter and their ilk? Just a reminder, lush Luskin, Fox lost their suit against Franken.

Always great to see progressive blogs taking the high road as usual.

Luskin couldn’t buy this kind of publicity.

Oh, and Elayne Riggs has no sense of humor, and once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

damn, i can’t compete, but here goes:

george w. once admitted to me that he “accidentally” set off a bottle rocket in his pants and it blew off his testicles before it got lodged up his lower intestinal tract. now he has silicone testicles and has to get testosterone injections regularly. georgie admitted that he kinda liked the feeling despite the pain and has ann coulter regularly peg him while singing off-key hymns and smoking crack. then she forces him to lick of the santorum.

that might explain why he hangs around other testicularly challenged men like donald rumsfeld, dick cheney, john ashcroft, and condoleeza rice, though donald’s only missing one and keeps the other in a jar to remind him that he’s still a man.

Shoot Mike, you beat me! So how about this? We all know Scientology is a brainwashing cult, but did you know that the reason we went to war with Iraq is that Wolfowitz, Cheney, Rumsfeld and the rest of the neocons as well as Luskin are upper echelon Scientologists, (OT XVIII)who, under the direction of David Miscavige, head honcho in Scientology, have been channeling L. Ron Hubbard and have discovered that Zenu, Darth Vader to the poor Scienos, is buried somewhere in Babylon. Since Saddam rightly wouldn’t allow Scientologist archeologists (as if there were such a thing) to come dig up and haul away whatever they wanted, they took over the country and could call their excavations “legitimate science” instead of idiotic cult stuff. Just wait, soon archeology departments from online universities will start sending teams to “give back to the Iraqi’s their legacy as the cradle of civilization” or some such pandering bull shit.

arnold schwarzenneger’s muscles are actually implanted horse meat.

and his accent is not austrian.. he just has a mild form of retardation

Phew. OK, I know this bunny out the back that likes to make out with turtles.

Luskin has a purdy mouth

You know, I heard Jerry Falwell fucked his own mom!

In an outhouse, no less!

They both went and tried that Campari Liqueur, and it up and brung the devil in ‘em!

There’s a time and place for anger & now may be a good time to be really angry, but reading through all these comments makes me feel more like crying than laughing that it’s come down to this. Not that the conservative assholes don’t have it coming, but because I think it’s ultimately ineffective at the target. I’m looking forward to hearing updates on the results of this exercise in free speech by Adam, given that the point is to provoke a response.

The conservatives that we’re so colorfully slandering are professional assholes. Their predisposition to attack comes as naturally as breathing. Their sense of empowerment and justice was developed while sticking their Christmas puppy’s nose in it’s mistakes (an unconditionally devoted source has sniffed out that O’Reilly still gets a hard on whenever he disciplines his dog). Their assholism is so entrenched that they think everyone else is surely an asshole too, therefore our comments only elicit a grin of recognition and an I-told-you-so. They can’t lose playing their own game. They always win by being the best possible asshole.

On the other hand, when liberals play this game it always winds up sounding like a bad Karoke night. We have to be drunk to get up and do it, and even if we don’t regret it in the morning (there is some really funny vitriol here), we’ll usually wind up reexamining all that anger & trying to find some ray of hope (or dreaming of small, well-placed asteroids). We don’t walk the asshole walk for long, mostly because it’s a shitty place to visit & we don’t want to live there. Assholism is the body snatcher of the conservative invasion.

Cheerfully and persistently subversive ultimately beats asshole, if only for your cardio-vascular and mental health. That’s why I end up at this site so often reading Adam’s angry, funny stuff. I really do hope that something uproarious and remarkable comes of this exercise.

Everyone told you that Trotsky was killed by that ice axe to the skull, right? Has anyone ever taken a really good look at the back of Scott McClellan’s head?

Don’t let that smile fool you. Focus more on his blatant disregard for the truth.

“Garden Bear” has a good point. We liberals really aren’t that good at pointless blatant slander - at least not when compared to conservatives. But really, there’s a lot of things that we’re not all that good at when compared to them.

Rampant avarice? They’ve got us beat on that one, big time.

The outright refusal to understand that there is such a thing as “grey area?” They’re the Yankees, we’re the Tigers.

Taking every possible chance to delegitimize the existance of non-whites, non-heteros, non-christians or non-americans? (or…god forbid…all of the above) Hands down, kids. Hands down.

What about hammering the exact same false statement home time after time, day after day, sentence after sentence, talking suit after talking suit, until it is generally accepted as fact - and doing it in such a way that the general public is completely oblivious to the fact that they’ve been duped? Heh. We can’t hold a damn candle to them.

The virtual intellectual enslavement of one of the world’s most powerful relegions? Trading in the environment for another couple Lexus SUV’s? White Power?!? Ditto, Ditto, and Ditto.

Anal Sex with little boys? “Mega Dittos” on that one too.

But there are certainly a few places where we’ve got them beat. I’d like to think that “humor” is one of them. (It’s tough to be creative when you are incapable of independent thought.) So let’s all applaud Adam for letting us all get this off our collective chest. THANKS, ADAM!

Um, wow.

I’m pretty much going to have to concur with Aaron, but what the heck…

Adam Felber is a tutu-wearing hamster fetishist cannibal with 124 painful body piercings.

Frankly, I’m glad I don’t have anything better than that.

The entire staff of “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” is part of the vast left wing conspiracy.

Don Luskin is a liberal.