Frankly, I’m too depressed about events in Iraq to comment much on world news today. But hey - why not take some cheap shots at our President’s amazing powers of elocution, which were on display this morning in the Rose Garden? [Please note, this is not a “Fisking,” I’m not trying to make any substantive points, etc. It’s more like the kind of paper you’d get back from a particularly snarky English teacher…]

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“These terrorists are targeting the very success and freedom we’re providing to the Iraqi people. Their desperate attacks on innocent civilians will not intimidate us…”

You hear that, terrorists!? You can kill as many Iraqis as you want - we ain’t leaving! In fact, we dare you to take out a few more - we double-dare you!

“That’s the nature of a terrorist, that’s what terrorists do. They commit suicide acts against innocent people and then expect people to say, well, gosh, we better — better not try to fight you anymore.”

After killing himself, Ali was pleased to see that people stopped trying to fight him…

“And it’s going to be very important for the Iraqi people to play an active role in fighting off the few who are trying to destroy the hopes of the many. You’ve heard me say that before. That’s just kind of the motto of the terrorists. It’s the way they operate.”

I’m having trouble finding a “motto” here. Unless it’s “Destroy the hopes of the many,” which is a battle-cry I’m unfamiliar with.

” The “Mission Accomplished” sign, of course, was put up by the members of the USS Abraham Lincoln… I know it was attributed somehow to some ingenious advance man from my staff…”

“…it was terrible *snifff* …and then they stuffed me in a flight suit, and made me stand in front of their sign, and…”

“The tactics to respond to more suiciders driving cars will alter on the ground; more checkpoints, whatever they decide, how to harden targets will change.

Moments later, Secret Service agents leapt upon this unwieldy sentence and tried to wrestle it to the ground. It escaped, and it is still at large and should be considered dangerous.

“As a matter of fact, the American people are — the electorate is a heck of a lot smarter than most politicians.”

Folksy Pandering Factor = 9.8. The President always scores high on his FPF, but this one is particularly good. What the statement boils down to is that we, the smart electorate, are somehow choosing to elect people who are dumber than us. That seems pretty dumb on our part. Just what are we trying to pull here? I’m trying to figure out exactly what my game is, but as a member of the electorate, I’m too wily to let on.