MADRID (Reuters) - International donors pledged around $40 billion in aid and loans over the next five years to help rebuild war-ravaged Iraq (news - web sites) on Friday as the response to a U.S.-led drive for funds smashed expectations.
Donors other than the United States promised some $20 billion…
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INT. STUDIO
[Music ends. We see JERRY LEWIS in a tuxedo, half asleep and slumped over an amplifier. A stage hand prods him.]
LEWIS: Huh? Wha- oh! Thank you, Charo. God bless. Wow. Charo, ladies and gentlemen - she’s still one spicy chili pepper, huh?
[He wanders over towards the tote board]
LEWIS: Okay, let’s see how we’re doin’ here. What’s the latest total?
[Drumroll]
LEWIS: It’s… 38 billion dollars! We were at 18 billion just a few hours ago! Lookit that! The world really does care! And ya know, we have the country that just pledged the big bucks on the line right now. Are you there?
CALLER: I’m here, Jerry.
LEWIS: Okay, who is this?
CALLER: I’d rather not say, Jerry. I prefer my donation to be anonymous.
LEWIS: Aw, isn’t that great, folks?
[applause]
LEWIS: So, whaddya want to say, caller?
CALLER: I just wanted to say that my contribution is my way of saying thanks to the United States for liberating the people of Iraq. Sure, we all had our differences with them, but looking back it’s pretty clear that they did the right thing. That’s why I pledged my 20 billion, and that’s why everybody else should do the same.
LEWIS: Uh huh.
[pause]
CALLER: It’s time to get behind the recovery effort, that’s what I say.
LEWIS: This is the United States, isn’t it?
[pause]
CALLER: Look I just think…
LEWIS: You just added your original pledge to our total to make the numbers look more impressive, right?
CALLER: Well… I…
[We hear a *click*]
LEWIS: Caller?
[pause]
LEWIS: Okayyy… Well, remember everybody, that’s still a whole lot of money. And the children of Iraq, the little darlings, they really need your help. The phones are open. And now, here’s a bunch of young men who are getting in the spirit while burning up the charts. Please welcome the Oak Ridge Boys…
[etc.]
Fanny Roborat
10 comments
Dee
October 24, 2003 at 3:35 pm
1Pledge week at my local NPR station has had me thinking. Maybe if we offered them a nice mug, with a shiny “Operation Iraqi Freedom” logo, something they could add to their collection. (You know — right there next to the “Operation Desert Storm” and “Bosnia — Your UN Dues at Work” ones)
But only for a day sponsorship.
Murray
October 24, 2003 at 3:48 pm
2How about “Operation Tin Cup”, or “Operation I’m down on my knees” or “Operation, OK we screwed up and you got to help us out here”.
I don’t recall anyone talking about groveling before the world prior to going to war.
Mr_Grant
October 24, 2003 at 4:14 pm
3John Ashcroft and Orrin Hatch will join Jerry in a rousing version of “You’ll Never Walk Alone”– but only if Jerry agrees to send his Legion of Honor medal back to the French.
Johnnyko
October 24, 2003 at 4:47 pm
4A mug would be nice, but I’m holding out for the classic Department of Defense tote bag.
tim
October 24, 2003 at 6:00 pm
5OOh, how about a 3 CD collection of Fresh Air’s Favorite Bleeding-Heart Liberals, with a foreword by Bill O’Reilly consisting of the sound of him throwing down his headphones and stomping off like a 3-year-old?
tess
October 24, 2003 at 8:42 pm
6wheee! and if i’m lucky and pledge today, i can win the local drawing and maybe get some weapons grade anthrax made in iraq! oh wait, they don’t have that anymore . . . darn . . .
Don
October 24, 2003 at 10:14 pm
7Now this was TRUE, wasn’t it Adam? It wasn’t just something you made up, was it?
I just don’t know what I can believe in anymore.
Life is getting very difficult. I thought that becoming a Republican (like Garrison Keillor told me I should) was going to make it so much easier!
John Isbell
October 25, 2003 at 1:47 pm
8If we had some ham, we could have some ham and eggs, if we had some eggs.
Glen Engel-Cox
October 26, 2003 at 2:55 pm
9Or, as Wimpy of E.C. Segar’s Thimble Theater, was wont to say: “Let’s have a duck dinner…you bring the duck!”
Corwin Haught
October 28, 2003 at 10:04 pm
10Dear Adam, why do you end all you sketch-format bits with “etc.” It is very interesting, complex, etc.