WASHINGTON (CNN) — Attorney General John Ashcroft said Thursday progress has been made in a highly publicized investigation into who leaked the name of a CIA operative, and he expressed hope the case could eventually be resolved.

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Excellent! We’re making progress! We’ll have those traitors nabbed in no time, I tellya…

Adam, it’s me, the logical part of your brain. Ashcroft is full of crap.

Whaddya mean? We’re gettin’ close to catching the leakers - why would he make that up? Go, Johnny!

Think about it. How does one “get close” in an investigation like this? Either you’ve got incriminating phone records, recordings, confessions, or tips… or you don’t. There is no “close.”

You don’t know that! What if say… um… they got the phone records and, uh, found the calls, and uh, a lot of people use that line - Ha! That’d be “close,” wouldn’t it, logical part of my brain?

Not bad.

Thanks! I’m hungry…

But if what you propose is true, that’s something that they could’ve done on the first day of the investigation. AND they could’ve found out who was in that office at the time. All in a matter of hours.

Yeah, but-

And the investigation was launched THREE WEEKS AGO. If nobody in that hypothetically pinpointed office has confessed, and no further records exist, what could possibly be this “progress” that Ashcroft was citing yesterday?

I could use a soda…

Stay with me here! Look, either they’ve got the names or they haven’t at this point.

Wait, are you suggesting that the internal investigation might just be stalling or prevaricating or not trying really hard in an attempt to forestall an independent investigation and allow the public to lose interest?

Wow. Nicely put.

What was?

Your analysis of the leak probe.

What leak? Hey - that Syria’s lookin’ mighty shifty, ain’t it?