[phone rings.]

NOVAK: Bob Novak.

CALLER: Hello, Mr. Novak. I have some information you might find interestable.

NOVAK: Who is this?

CALLER: My name is not important. You can just call me, uh, “Lovelace.” Heh heh. I’m calling from inside the White House. From a round room.

NOVAK: What can I do for you, Mr. Lovelace?

CALLER: No, it’s what I can do for you, Mr. Novak. It’s a story about Joseph Wilson, yellowcake, deception… and murder.

NOVAK: Murder?

CALLER: Well, not murder.

NOVAK: Look, what do you want?

CALLER: I’ll ask the questions here, Mr. Novak.

NOVAK: Okay.

[Pause.]

CALLER: Er, okay - you can ask a question.

NOVAK: What are you trying to say?

CALLER: I wonder if you’d take Joseph Wilson’s story so seriously if you knew that the work he did for the CIA was tainted.

NOVAK: Tainted?

CALLER: His wife, Mr. Novak. What would you say if I told you that his wife, Valerie Plame, was a CIA operative?

NOVAK: Okay. But how does that relate to Ambassador Wilson’s findings?

CALLER: Exactly.

NOVAK: What?

CALLER: She’s an agent! An operative!

NOVAK: Look, Mr. Presi-

CALLER: “Lovelace.”

NOVAK: - Lovelace, look, I don’t see how that’s relevant to Ambassador Wilson’s report, which hasn’t been contradicted by anyone.

[Pause.]

CALLER: Maybe you’d understand if you reported it.

NOVAK: I don’t see how.

CALLER: Karl said you’d report it.

NOVAK: “Karl?”

CALLER: Uh, “Ron Jeremy.” Ron Jeremy said you’d report it.

NOVAK: Look - the guy did a report for the CIA about the yellowcake intelligence from Britain. The report’s a good piece of work, and nobody has suggested otherwise. You tell me his wife also works for the CIA.

CALLER: Exactly.

NOVAK: So why would I report that? It’s not part of the story at all. What possible reason would I have for including it except to puff myself up, a baldfaced attempt to make myself look like more of an insider, a sort of pathetic, Safire-esque way of reminding people that I have the ear of senior Administration officials? Or possibly as a special favor to said officials in order to maintain my standing as a go-to guy and ensure I’ll get more table scraps in the future. What other reason could there be?

[Pause.]

NOVAK: Oh.

CALLER: I think we understand each other, don’t we, Mr. Novak?

NOVAK: I think we do, sir.

CALLER: “Sir?” Now, now, don’t assume I’m a man, Mr. Novak!

NOVAK: But you sound… nevermind.

CALLER: I have to go now. Goodbye, Mr. Novak.

NOVAK: Goodbye, Lovelace.

[End transcript]