Like a lot of voters, I was disheartened that the Democratic candidate’s debate took place here in New York with a native candidate missing from the ranks. I can only assume that some party insiders thought that I had enough advantages already and wanted to get the other candidates a little more exposure. Fine. Fine. I’ll be okay.

But I have to say that last night’s debate was extremely entertaining even without the presence of an entertainer like myself. And it was surprisingly substantive; what the conservative media is trying to portray as a messy free-for-all that shows a party that has “lost its way” was actually a robust dialog between a bunch of committed, articulate, and largely like-minded candidates. Sure, the plethora of candidates and (slight) diversity of viewpoints looks like chaos to Republicans, but that’s how Democrats are: Loud, combative, and opinionated. In short (and this might be what’s most incomprehensible to the far right), democratic.

The candidates’ positions on issues are easy to learn without getting them on the same stage. So the real reason for the 10 candidate debate (besides giving a much-needed boost to the podium industry) is to see what kind of image they were trying to project to the public. In case you missed it, let me sum up what the candidates were really trying to say last night:

John Kerry: “I’ve got a firm grasp of everything and detailed plans for the future, just like Gore. Wait - did I say ‘Gore?’ I meant ‘Clinton.’ Because I’m fun. Very fun. I’ve studied this ‘fun’ algorithm very carefully, and I’m confident that I…”

Howard Dean: “People tryin’ to tear me down. But I’m still an outsider! Still swingin’! Still simmerin’! Grr!”

Dick Gephardt: “What, the voters are responding to anger? Hey, I’m angry too! I might not have shown it ’til now, but I’m angry, just like Howard Dean. In fact, I’m angry at Howard Dean! Dean sucks! Grr!”

Wesley Clark: “I just got here, but already I’m more Presidential than everybody else. You fine gentlemen will all find an honored place in the Clark administration. Submit. Submit. Submit…”

John Edwards: “I’m running! I’m qualified! I’m young! I’m exciting! Hello? Is this on?”

Joe Lieberman: “Clinton. Clinton clinton clinton. Clinton? Clinton. Clinton clintonclinton, clinton clinton-clinton clinton.”

Bob Graham: “I’m from Florida. You could do a heckuva lot worse than me. Plus, I’m from Florida.”

Al Sharpton: “I’m not here just for comic relief. I’ve got ideas. Actually, that reminds me of a funny story…”

Carol Moseley Braun: “I’d really like a cabinet post. Howard? Wes? John? Hi. You guys look great.”

Dennis Kucinch: “I’d be in the Green Party, but I’m really more of an autumn. Hiyo Silver! Pudding for everyone. I’ve got a cat, and his name is ‘Skipper.’ Who took my puffy key ring? Hey, let’s all sing something! Breaker one nine, this is Mr. Caramel, come in. Who’s got gum? When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie…”