President Bush will address the UN on Tuesday, seeking international assistance in cleaning up the mess we found in Iraq (”It was like that when we got there…”).
This should be easy. If, that is, we get an appearance by Bushus humbillius, the soft-spoken creature that campaigned for the presidency in 2000. That Bush would get this delicate job done, for he believes, “I think the United States must be humble. We must be proud and confident of our values, but humble in how we treat nations that are figuring out how to chart their own course.”
Of course, being humble now, i.e. admitting that France and Germany might have had some good points, admitting that there might not have been as many WMDs as Uncle Colin’s Deadly Vial might have indicated, and perhaps apologizing for the whole “Freedom Fries” thing, why, that would be fair, humble, and would mend a lot of fences.
…and it’d be political suicide here at home.
So look for one general, wimpy theme. Here’s the anticipated text of tomorrow’s speech:
“The past is behind us. That thing up ahead of us? That’s the future. Let’s go that way. Together. I call people who dwell on the past, um, past-dwellers. We don’t want to be like that. Nope, not us. Am I right? We look to the future - that time that hasn’t happened, so nobody’s done or said anything stupid there yet. Right? Yep. All of us. Goin’ there. Together. Let’s roll.
Yes, together we can fix Iraq. No, I don’t want to hear a lot of accusations over exactly who broke it or who did what to whom. That kind of bickering and name-calling is pointless, it’s centered on events that happened in the past. Not the future, which is where we’re going. Straight ahead. Bring it on.
And by the way, guys, I seem to have left my wallet back in Crawford. Can anybody spot me a few billion?”
Fanny Roborat
4 comments
Murray
September 23, 2003 at 10:17 am
1Iraq, I never saw it before, besides it was broke when I found it,.. and…It was… uh..France, that’s it, France did it.
You are right Adam, that is just what W would say if he had not been given a script crafted by the evil geniuses that handle him. Instead, we will hear what happens when you back an evil genius into a corner. You know that telling the truth is easy; crafting a viable lie takes focus groups, polls, and people skilled in obfuscation. Not only that, but W knows that he is God’s instrument for justice, so anything he says has God’s blessing, so how can it be wrong? Why should he appologize for doing God’s work?
Chicory
September 23, 2003 at 11:51 am
2I’m listening now. It is even worse than we think (”Look over there…”)
Mr_Grant
September 23, 2003 at 4:26 pm
3Transcript of meeting
Between the President and Vice President Cheney,
Sept. 23, 2003
Security Classification: Embarrassing
“…and remember Mr President, don’t let Schroeder trap you into a debate about Afghanistan.”
“Afghan Stan? I thought our guy’s name was Hamid.”
“No, I meant- um, that’s right actually. Very good sir.”
“Dick, I know you and Poppy think I don’t pay attention, but I do.”
“It’s just that during the Afghanistan briefing you appeared to be doing the Hocus Focus.”
“It was the Word Jumble. And… Hamid was one of the words.”
“Sir, just to put my mind at ease: What’s the Fifth Amendment?”
“Didn’t they do ‘Up, Up and Away’?”
“Never mind. Now, moving on to tonight’s dinner with Kofi Annan-”
“I like pie!”
“Yes, sir.”
chris newnham
January 28, 2006 at 2:53 pm
4that is just what W would say if he had not been given a script crafted by the evil geniuses that handle him. Instead, we will hear what happens when you back an evil genius into a corner. You know that telling the truth is easy; crafting a viable lie takes focus groups, polls, and people skilled in obfuscation. Not only that, but W knows that he is God’s instrument for justice, so anything he says has God’s blessing, so how can it be wrong? Why should he appologize for doing God’s work?