Comments on: Isabel Blows, News Networks Suck

by: Linkmeister

Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

To go back to the original subject, we had a story on local news last night telling us that home prices were going to go up by $2,500 due to skyrocketing plywood prices. Apparently Isabel and the US Army are both requiring lots of the stuff (the Army uses it for flooring in Iraq).

by: John Isbell

Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Very nice. Two stories regrettably lost in the shuffle, after network news’s whimsical decision to devote 24 hours to weather reporting:
1. The President yesterday hung the VP out to dry by announcing that despite the beliefs of 69% of the American people, and the claims the VP made this weekend, there is no link between Saddam and 9/11.
2. Yesterday eight GIs were killed in one day in the worst attack on US troops since the taking of Baghdad.
Evidently Judy Woodruff couldn’t make it in today to further report on the hurricane for her show, “Inside Politics.” She missed a golden opportunity to cut live to further reporters getting rained on. I can’t understand her absence.

by: John Isbell

Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

NB as far as I can tell, every other reporter at CNN is passionately interested in this subject. I emailed the lot of them to speculate about Judy Woodruff. How is the old gal doing?

by: Mike Z

Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Some constitutional amendments under consideration:

“No flag burning”
“No same-sex marriage”
“No gay people, period”
“No farting and blaming it on someone else”
“No unibrows”
“No little tacks that stick up in the carpet and poke me when I walk around in bare feet”
“No pickles on that, please”
“No art where I can’t tell what it’s supposed to be a picture of”
“No more Gerard Depardue movies, girls with hairy armpits, or berets with blue and white striped shirts”
“Dammit, I said No Pickles!”
“No whining”
“No no oil drilling in ANWR”
“No blurting out the answer without raising your hand”
“No No-No’s”
“No free will”
“No saying the Lord’s name in vain”
“No sunny side up eggs”

I’m pretty sure there’s more, but that’s all I can remember right now.

by: None

Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

And the following:

First
“I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.”

Second
“You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My Commandments.”

Third
“You shall not take The Name of The Lord your God in vain; for The Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His Name in vain.”

Fourth
“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for in six days The Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day; therefore The Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.”

Fifth
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which The Lord your God gives you.”

Sixth
“You shall not kill.”

Seventh
“You shall not commit adultery.”

Eighth
“You shall not steal.”

Ninth
“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”

Tenth
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything that is your neighbor’s.”

by: Mike Z

Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Aren’t those, like, the Ten Commandments or something? Didn’t some state supreme court judge make those up and force people to read ‘em?

Anyway, I pretty much follow them all, except that tenth one. I totally covet my neighbor’s ass (and I’m willing to go to hell for it, too).

by: Steve Jones

Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Has anyone else noticed that the Alabama courthouse monument is a graven image?

by: Steve G.

Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

As we learn that the whole WMD in Iraq thing is totally bogus, at least we can’t accuse Former Supreme Allied Commander of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, General Wesley K. Clark, Presidential Candidate of having 20/20 hindsight.

by: Hunter

Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

In related Isabel news:

The White House revealed today that, in preparation for the storm, Dick Cheney was fully laminated so that he wouldn’t get wet.

by: tess

Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

i don’t quite understand the reason behind including a paste of the 10 commandments. is it saying that just because not all of us agree with the gov’t at large that we’re evil and must be purged?

btw, why can’t some of the more evangelical christians around these parts be more like the danes and become calvinists and let us go to hell on our own?