Dear Worker;

Congratulations! According to recent data, we American workers are the most productive in the world! That’s something to be proud of, no doubt about it. No worker on God’s green earth produces more than us. Nice. Really, really nice. Hats off. Really.

Yes, an enormous number of us are out of work. And yes, those of us who are being so productive find that our wages are not rising as fast as inflation. All right, when the President says that “higher productivity means our workers receive higher wages,” he actually isn’t taking into account the fact that the exact opposite is true. Okay. Noted. But think of it - the most productive workers in the world. That’s gotta count for something. Congratulations!

All right, there’s no doubt that if you were being really cynical you might say that given the fact that we’re so productive, that so many of us can’t find work, and that we have less vacation time than any other civilized nation in the world, then there’s some evidence to indicate that workers in the United States are the most exploited workers on Earth. That an ever-growing number of us compete for an ever-shrinking number of jobs that pay less and less and demand more and more hours from us while failing to provide basic services (like health care) in return. You could say that, of course, if you didn’t care about things like Freedom and Liberty and being the most productive workers in the world.

Look at the British. Or the Swedes. Or the…well, anybody. Those layabouts get 4-10 weeks of paid vacation each year. If their children get sick, they have ready and affordable access to doctors. Wussies! Fact is, they don’t work as hard as us. We got here, to this pinnacle of debt-ridden, exhausted success by the sweat of our brows. And every year, like clockwork, we get complimented on the amazing productivity that allows our superiors to claim a larger and larger percentage of the corporate take while laying off more and more of the work force. Those layoffs might seem painful when they happen, but you have to remember that they wouldn’t be possible in a country where people didn’t work hard enough, long enough, and uncomplainingly enough to make the guy at the desk next to them superfluous. We’re that good. Man, we oughta be proud.

Proud that we work harder. Proud that we earn less and less per hour. Proud that we are building a nation of so-called “perma-temps” that give their all to a company for years at a time without the added burden of job security and health insurance. Proud that we are productive. We’re producing something. For somebody. Somehow.

Happy Labor Day! Now get back to work. Otherwise, somebody might catch up with us.