I’ve just returned from the famed Algonquin Hotel. No, I wasn’t engaging in drunken, witty banter with the notable wags, scribes, impresarios and flappers of my day. It should be said that we wags, scribes, impresarios and flappers still congregate and drink these days, but generally in places with a less inflated opinion of how much skilled craftsmanship goes into putting a drink into a glass.
No, I was at the Algonquin to talk about country music fashions for the CMT network.
Now, you might wonder why exactly CMT would want me to provide sound-bites for “Country Music’s 40 Greatest Fashion Statements.” Do I know a whole lot about country music? No, not really. Am I a fashion expert? I believe many of you have seen my photo. No, I can only imagine that they were excited to get a presidential candidate to speak out on these vital issues. None of the other front-runners have been willing to talk about Shania Twain’s midriff. But I am. Because I’m a man of the people. Particularly a man of the really lithe, toned, stacked people. I think my “Leave No Hot-Looking Celebrity Behind” platform speaks for itself.
No, honestly, it was truly enjoyable, and the people involved were a lot of fun - watch for it on Country Music Television sometime soon. I’m starting to think this whole “talking head” thing might really be for me. I don’t know why I haven’t pursued it before. I have a head. It talks. I’m qualified. Anyone who thinks there’s more to it than that obviously hasn’t seen “The Big Story with John Gibson” on the Fox News Network.*
So if you have any need for someone to chatter knowingly and amusingly about any topic whatsoever, and so-called “expertise” or “qualifications” aren’t a big issue for you, please give me a call. I’m locked, loaded, and ready to natter.
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*John Gibson comes to mind because of this particularly brainless column that I came across last night. Read and enjoy - some things don’t need to be satirized.
Fanny Roborat
11 comments
Anonymous
August 26, 2003 at 7:00 pm
1“this pizza show owner had committed a crime”-John Gibson
Did anyone read over the artical before he posted it? What the hell is a pizza show?
Mike Z
August 26, 2003 at 8:00 pm
2Yeah…he also considers discrimination against certain pizza lovers an insland of sanity because it’s supposed to be a vague form of pro-Americanism. Can one use anti-American ideals to promote pro-American foreign policy? I guess this makes sense to the more shallow of neocons.
Kriselda Jarnsaxa
August 26, 2003 at 8:22 pm
3Personally, I would hope that the shop owners who were turning away Americans were also being prosecuted for discrimination - not because I’m anti-American, but because if there are anti-discrimination laws in the European Union that make such behaviour illegal, they should be enforced equally.
Gibson is an ass, though. He used to be as MSNBC and drove me absolutely nuts. I don’t know how anyone ever got the idea that he was somehow qualified to … well, do much of anything having to do with the news.
Elliott
August 26, 2003 at 8:49 pm
4I heard about this guy a few months ago from the NPR or PRI show “The World”. The interviewer asked the pizza guy how he knew that the customers were French or German and he replied that the Germans dressed a certain way and that the French smelled… That might explain why I couldn’t get a pizza there.
Dee
August 26, 2003 at 9:49 pm
5Adam– are you generally free on Sunday mornings? Because we could probably use you for a nice panel discussion at my church. We might have a topic; on the other hand, we may just let four people sit at a table at the front of the room and just “chat”.
Did I mention we’re Unitarians?
brooke
August 26, 2003 at 9:52 pm
6did Mo Rocca put you up to this? His “I Love the 70’s” insights on VH-1 make me believe that my dream of making funny shit up off the top of my head for a living might not be so far-fetched.
I can’t remember the identifier they gave him - something like cosmopolitan raconteur. i thought of myself as a child: “What do you want to be when you grow up, Brooke?” “A cosmopolitan raconteur, Mommy!”
Lucky bastards.
Tickled Blue
August 27, 2003 at 12:05 am
7More Freedom Herring with your Carlsberg?
Bob
August 27, 2003 at 12:42 am
8I’ve never seen or heard John Gibson, so the link to his article was something of a revelation.
Not being a TV watcher, I’m more than a little out of touch. Tell me, is the one-piece molded styrene hair look a requirement for pundits these days?
Steve J.
August 27, 2003 at 8:05 am
9Clearly, if Andy Borowitz can get all that face time on CNN, so can you. But you might need to write a satirical book first.
Unless this is intended to be satire.
John Isbell
August 27, 2003 at 12:43 pm
10“Am I a fashion expert? I believe many of you have seen my photo.”
That is very sweet.
adam
August 27, 2003 at 1:03 pm
11did Mo Rocca put you up to this?
Wow - good call Brooke. In fact, Mo DID recommend me to the CMT people as a possible writer for the show (he hosted an event down in Nashville a few months ago).
The producer and director are both big fans of “Wait Wait,” it turns out. After some talk, they decided tht I might be a good quipster for this country fashion extravaganza.
Frank DeCaro (late of “The Daily Show”) was there yesterday. He’s part of the show - I believe as both a narrator and a commentator.