A millionaire took advantage of a quirky statute and pushed through the farcical recall in California. Tom DeLay’s henchmen have paralyzed the Texas government by trying to stage an unscheduled redistricting. And the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge is once again in the hangman’s noose (apparently, it was being “reserved” for later drilling).
Since Florida, 2000, Republican operatives have generously hearkened to the will of the people… and then found a way to do the opposite. Never quite illegal, never quite fair, we’re at the dawning of the Age of the Do-Over.
Free speech, separation of church and state, campaign finance reform… sure, people are in favor of those things, but then again people are in favor of “The Bachelor.” Hell with ‘em. Vote, Rinse, Repeat.
ANWR is a uniquely weird case - I can only think that there must have been a particularly mean gang of caribou that used to pick on young George W. Bush regularly back at Andover, giving him wedgies and stuffing him into lockers. When Bush finally signs the bill to commence drilling in the Alaskan wilderness, long-remembered tears of helpless rage in his eyes, he will finally have his revenge on those ungulate hoodlums that made his life a living hell. [I defy anyone to come up with anything even remotely as plausible as the Bullying Caribou Theory as to why Bush would be so dead-set on drilling those tiny oil fields.]
Democrats are starting to follow suit in the eternal pursuit of the big Undo button. The replay rule is taking over professional sports. Soon, you’ll be able to automatically dispute your grocery bill at every checkout line, and patients and their families will be given the right to dispute the call when they’re officially pronounced dead.
Me, I’m not immune to the craze. I weighed in at fifteen pounds over my desired mass this morning, and rather than diet I intend to prosecute my scale to full extent of the law until a more seemly recount is achieved. This will not stand.





10 comments
Kris
August 19, 2003 at 5:33 pm
1I tried to sue my George Foreman Grill once. It did not, in fact, knock out the fat - after cooking my hamburgers that drip tray was a clean as a whistle. Unfortunately for me, the grill retained better lawyers and we were forced to settle out of court.
I hate not being witty.
Landis
August 19, 2003 at 7:02 pm
2Can’t we just “Control-Alt-Delete” these people?
(Actually, for us Mac-folk, I guess it would be “Command-Option-Escape”)
Either way, I wanna force a restart on this administration, just like what’s going on here in CA!
Bob
August 19, 2003 at 7:34 pm
3You’re on to something, Landis. Or on something. Either way, the point stands: thanks to the personal computer, we’ve all become accustomed to fixing problems–first technical, now political–by cycling the power.
This doesn’t explain Gary Coleman running for office, but it’s a start.
Murray
August 19, 2003 at 10:07 pm
4Once again my maxim, Americans are idiots, Republicans are shameless and Democrats are gutless, pretty much explains it all. Republicans know they can get away with what ever they want becasue, the public isn’t smart enough to see through their flag waving lies, and they can always bully those wimpoid democrats.
I ask you, had the events of the 2000 election been the same but the names reversed, how many days out of the past 2 1/2 years would we have not heard about an illegitimate president from the right? Would Liddy, Limbaugh, North, O’Reily, DeLay, or any of them have gone a single day with out demanding a change of presidents?
Anne
August 20, 2003 at 3:42 am
5Democracy died in December of 2000. I am not surprised by anything that happened ever since.
Bring Al Gore back…
Chicory
August 20, 2003 at 1:37 pm
6One need only look at Fox News to understand why the American public is neither outraged nor aware. Fair and unbiased, my tuchas. “They’re all jerks”!!!!
ttam117
August 20, 2003 at 7:34 pm
7I think the Caribou Theory is missing one thing; the cheerleader angle.
Chicory
August 21, 2003 at 11:54 am
8Ok - the head/lead Caribou dated the lead cheerleader who Shrub had a crush on. Does it fit all the points now?
Landis
August 21, 2003 at 1:04 pm
9Except wasn’t HE the head cheerleader?
Kip W
August 24, 2003 at 4:00 pm
10The WMDs are under that tundra!
Ouija boards never lie.