From CNN - Experts Anxious Over Possible Web Attack

“The vulnerability affects almost all computers running Microsoft’s Windows operating system software. The flaw, involving so-called “buffer overflows,” can fool software into accepting insecure commands that could let intruders steal data, delete files or eavesdrop on e-mails”

To: Senior Al Qaeda Officials
From: Abu Amas el-Amat, Chief Technology Officer
Re: Progress!

Gentlemen -
Praise Allah! I just wanted to let you all know that the trust and money that you put into our electronic jihad has not been misplaced. With our relentless pillaging of emails and files from infidels’ PC’s, I am proud to announce that we are better informed, better prepared, and soon-to-be better funded than ever!

First off, we have intercepted from many sources a military program from the Western aggressors. This ingenious application will allow us to divine the presence of land-mines without setting them off, but rather by deducing their presence from clues buried in the surrounding terrain. This will no doubt enhance our mobility in contested areas. Our tech intelligence experts have spent countless hours and shown uncommon devotion in devising mine-sweeping strategies, and insist that they will have foolproof methods “after just a few more tries.”

As for our finances, cut off by so many banks, worry no more! We have managed to intercept and divert many emails speaking of business dealings between various far-flung infidels. As a result, many of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities are now our opportunities. We have gotten in on the ground floor of several enterprises for minimal investments, and have taken steps to become the possessors of many enormous bank accounts (principally in Nigeria) that were just sitting there for the taking! All we need to do is further assist our Nigerian contacts and the money from these frozen accounts - millions of dollars worth of money - will be ours!

These are proud days for the electronic jihad. In addition to the above, we can also report that soon we soldiers of Allah will find ourselves able to lose astounding amounts of weight extremely quickly and extend all of our penises by 2 to 4 inches. I realize that this sounds too good to be true, but we have confirmed this information from dozens of sources and are confident that it is credible.

Praise be to God, and I will see you all at next month’s picnic, Inshallah.

- Abu