Telemarketers are suing the government over the new national do-not-call list (which can be found here).
Their argument is that the new law will hurt their industry, which is pretty hard to deny. Now, cynics might argue that some industries should be hurt, even if it means jobs are lost. Like, for instance, the U.S.’s poking-people-with-a-stick-while-they-dine-in-restaurants industry or International Screaming Really Loud at 3 AM in Highly Populated Areas Consortium. But we here at FanapCo know that if the government is allowed to interfere with marketing strategies, some other totally legitimate advertising niches could next on the chopping block, hampering our ability to reach the consumer. To wit:
The Promo Pillow - A nascent synergy between marketers and the bedding industry, offering nice, fluffy pillows at popular prices. The ad-subsidized pillows are pressure-sensitive and whisper home safety-oriented advertisements while the consumer sleeps. Government meddlers want to make sure that promo pillows are clearly labeled in stores, which would reduce the industry’s ability to compete with unsponsored pillows.
“Clubbing” - A great summer job for thousands of Americans, “clubbing” is the practice of going to popular shopping thoroughfares and swinging large, heavy clubs around and around. Consumers who opt not to be hit with the large, heavy clubs can then flee into nearby retail outlets for shelter (and, if they choose, shopping).
Floaters - Simple, harmless, non-toxic floating ad banners that can be dropped with no ill effects into reservoirs for easy distribution. Research indicates that most consumers don’t even notice floaters unless they are using their water for washing, cooking, drinking, or bathing.
Any of these fine, consumer-oriented promotional industries could be seriously damaged if we let the government tell us how and where and when we’re allowed to spread the good news about important products. FanapCo applauds the American Teleservices Association and wishes them luck in this landmark case.
Fanny Roborat
8 comments
anonymous Mommie
July 29, 2003 at 1:41 pm
1>> The ad-subsidized pillows are pressure-sensitive and whisper home safety-oriented advertisements while the consumer sleeps. <<
Aha. I knew it, I knew it. Those are sold along with those TV’s and radios that listen to you, aren’t they?
Freedom, Schmeedom.
Once we get rid of them, and the microscopic aliens in the water supply, we’ll all be so much better off.
Murray
July 29, 2003 at 5:37 pm
2OK, on one hand, we have virtually all americans benefiting by being left alone at dinner time, and on the other hand we have a handful of rich business men who can make even more money by pestering all of us.
I wonder which way this adminsitration will choose?
paphgrl
July 29, 2003 at 5:57 pm
3Here is the solution. Charge the consumer a “user fee”, say $1000. to get on a no-call list. Use the procedes from the user fee to subsidise the telemarketing industry. Then the rich don’t have to be bothered at dinner time and the telemarketing industry gets an added source of income. Everybody wins!
ralph
July 29, 2003 at 8:13 pm
4Here’s the solution to the carjacking problem. Charge the car owners a “user fee”, say $1000, to get on a no-carjacking list. Use the proceeds from the user fee to subsidize the chop shop industry. Then the rich don’t have to be bothered while they’re driving and the second-hand car parts industry gets an added source of income. Everybody wins! (Except those poor people who still get dragged from their cars at gunpoint because they can’t afford the “user fee”.)
Yeah, my associate Guido here will stop by every week to pick up your payment. You don’t want something should happen to your car, do youse?
Bob
July 29, 2003 at 9:41 pm
5The telemarketing flacks claim that two million people will lose their current jobs and fail to find new ones if the do-not-call list goes into effect. So we are forced to conclude that the Unites States has two million adults who are capable of doing nothing more than annoying other people during dinner.
Sounds low to me.
Katie
July 29, 2003 at 10:41 pm
6Well, I for one put my name on that list. Hasn’t seemed to affect the number of annoying calls I get……
Educated Comedian
July 29, 2003 at 11:22 pm
7That’s the problem with America. We all act like we care, but no one has the interests of the multinational conglomerates at heart. You talk the talk, Felber, but can you walk the walk? I expect that the telemarketing issue (or, as the media is already not reffering to it, “Dinnergate”) will be a major point in the Felber/Sagal/Disgruntled, Well-Armed RoboRat campaign.
[On a side note, I believe it takes 3 to 6 months for the telemarketers to find out you’re on the list, Katie. I could be wrong.]
lonely person
July 30, 2003 at 12:00 am
8what’s wrong with telemarketers? if it weren’t for “cliff from verizon” nobody would ever call me. We chat. I tell him about my life. What I’m wearing. What I’m having for lunch tomorrow. You know, I think he enjoys our chats almost as much as I do. That’s why he calls back all the time.