“But despite the release of five grisly photographs depicting the two corpses… some Iraqis on the streets of the capital Baghdad were left unconvinced.”
- from Yahoo!

The major media outlets have clearly lost the ability to think things through. Their inability to understand Iraqis’ continued fears of Uday and Qusay Hussein is a unequivocal demonstration of poor reporting skills and misplaced assumptions. They are unable to comprehend why the Iraqis are demanding to see the bodies dragged behind trucks, burned, flayed, stomped upon, and scattered to the winds in a civilized manner. “What’s wrong?” they ask the terrified citizens, “Why don’t you believe that the brothers are dead?”

Of course, they’re asking the wrong question. If ever there was an issue that proved the humble blogger’s ability to get to the heart of a matter that the mainstream media has utterly failed us on, this is it. Because I can tell you exactly why the Iraqis still live in fear, though I don’t expect the big boys to ever give me credit for breaking the story. Call it yet another unsung victory for the blogosphere.

The Iraqis do believe that the bodies that were found are Uday and Qusay Hussein. Their fears, quite rational when you think about it, are now of the terrible and likely prospect of having to face zombie Uday and Qusay.


[Zombie Qusay (left) and Zombie Uday leading an army
of undead Ba’athists through a Baghdad mall (artist’s rendering)]

According to experts, Zombie Uday would possess superhuman strength, the uncanny ability to scale vertical walls, and a diabolical talent for constructing rhyming slogans. Zombie Qusay is thought to have the potential to be the brains of the operation, simultaneously lumbering around the countryside on a bloody rampage and subtly influencing the Iraqi media’s coverage of economic and agricultural news. Both undead brothers would, according to experts, possess the ability to create more zombie Ba’athists with a single bite.

The media doesn’t get it. The U.S. government, however, clearly does. Fear of zombies is the only rational explanation for why we we won the war so quickly and yet are unwilling to send in enough troops to win the peace. Personally, I applaud the administration for not securing any international support or sending adequate reinforcements until this horrific menace is past. As terrifying as the prospect of a zombie army in Baghdad is, just imagine if some of them were French.

Will the world thank us for guarding them from the zombie menace? Of course not, no more than Big Media will thank me for breaking the story. The world will continue to insist that the U.S. is jealously protecting its newly-acquired oil interests, when in fact it’s defending the planet from the zombie menace. Typical.