In serenading the Chinese, Cherie Blair and her husband have raised an interesting question - does every modern politician need a theme song?


[Tony Blair illustrates just how far his
wife is from the correct note.]

Famously, Bill Clinton’s theme song was Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop.” He used it in his campaign and it stuck. That’s how it oughta work. Since then, it’s been a little less organized. Rather than settle on one song, Al Gore went with a whole bunch of 70’s rock songs, which pretty much sums up all the problems with his campaign. George W. Bush chose a brand-new country song that nobody knew, entitled “We the People.” At the time, it was completely unfamiliar to the American public, but by the time Bush took office it was virtually unknown. Ironically, today, no one remembers it.

This was a dangerous misstep - people don’t write campaign theme songs any more; the postmodern era demands creative appropriation. I believe I can help the administration with Fanatical Apathy’s Theme Song Service (with a nod to Christian Finnegan, who does this kind of thing all the time). Imagine these particular tunes a-crankin’ as the official in question steps into the room. Please feel free to add your own alternatives and suggestions in the “Comments” section.

George W. Bush - “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da” by The Police

Dick Cheney - “Gimme Shelter” by The Rolling Stones

Colin Powell - “Lose Yourself” by Eminem

Condoleezza Rice - “Hungry Like the Wolf” by Duran Duran

Donald Rumsfeld - “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC

John Ashcroft - “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt

Paul Wolfowitz - “Weapon of Choice” by Fatboy Slim

Tom Ridge - “The Rainbow Connection” from “The Muppet Movie”

Karl Rove - “You Belong to Me” by The Doobie Brothers