“WASHINGTON - The Bush administration, which spurned the United Nations in its drive to depose Saddam Hussein in Iraq, is finding itself forced back into the arms of the international body because other nations are refusing to contribute peacekeeping troops or reconstruction money without United Nations approval.”
- from The New York Times (via Yahoo!)

INT. UNITED NATIONS SECURITY COUNCIL CHAMBERS - DAY

[Most of the Security Council ambassadors are milling about, laughing, shaking hands, and discussing little pieces of business.

John D. Negroponte, US Ambassador to the UN, enters the chambers. Immediately, a deep silence falls over the room.]

NEGROPONTE: Uh, hi guys.

[Silence.]

NEGROPONTE: Yeah. Well, um… how is everyone?

[More silence.]

NEGROPONTE: Uh, how about that Tour de France, huh?

CHILEAN AMBASSADOR: What a finish today! Lance Armstrong rocks! Didja see that part where - ow!

[Having taken an anonymous elbow to the ribs, the Chilean Ambassador subsides. The deathly, awkward silence resumes.]

NEGROPONTE: So. Um. Say, everyone, as you might’ve read, we’re having a little trouble with the whole “rebuilding Iraq” thing.

[Pause.]

NEGROPONTE: Right. Uh, a lot of trouble, actually. Lots and lots of trouble. So we were wondering if, well, you guys would want to… help.

[Another pause. Suddenly, an unidentified voice pipes up from the back of the room.]

UNIDENTIFIED VOICE: Sure thing! Why, we’ve had our spats of course, but the United States is still the worldwide beacon of freedom and righteousness! Whaddya say, guys? Let’s pitch in! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S. -

[Confused, the crowd parts a bit, revealing the speaker. It’s British Ambassador Sir Jeremy Quentin Greenstock. The others look reprovingly at him.]

GREENSTOCK: - A… Hmm. Yes. Hello.

[Embarrassed, Greenstock goes to stand beside Negroponte. A truly monumental silence ensues.]

NEGROPONTE: Well well well.

GREENSTOCK: Indeed. Harrumpf. Yes.

NEGROPONTE: So…

GREENSTOCK: Yes yes, eh wot?

NEGROPONTE: Anyway, Sir Jeremy an I are going to go work on some sort of, um, resolution. Some sort of very, uh, internationalist resolution.

GREENSTOCK: Oh, indeed. Extremely internationalist. The internationalistest thing you’ve ever seen. Rule of law and all that…

NEGROPONTE: So, if anyone would like to help…

[Pause. Nobody moves.]

GREENSTOCK: Right.

NEGROPONTE: Okay. We’ll just be on our way, then.

GREENSTOCK: Right-o.

[They head for the door.]

NEGROPONTE: We’ll be in Suite 17 if anyone wants to, you know…

GREENSTOCK: …pitch in.

NEGROPONTE: Right.

GREENSTOCK: Right.

[They exit. Gradually, chatter resumes.]