“The so-called forces of law and order (in Baghdad) just kind of collapsed. There is not a single plan that would have dealt with that.”
- Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz, today
Endgame Scenarios From the US’s War Plan (fed. doc #173275b)
[Mr President: As you can see , our defense and intelligence services have meticulously worked out all possible endgames for the war, taking every conceivable factor into account. Looks pretty good, no? “Let’s roll!” - Wolfie ]
Scenario #1
Army destroyed. Republican Guard destroyed. Special Republican Guard destroyed. Saddam killed or deposed. Iraqi people dance in streets. The old regime is broken down. But only the bad parts. Everybody gets back to work.
Scenario #2
Army destroyed. Republican Guard destroyed. Special Republican Guard destroyed. Saddam killed or deposed. Iraqi people dance in streets. A civilian police force spontaneously comes into existence, maintaining the peace and distributing food while organizing free elections.
Scenario #3
Army destroyed. Republican Guard destroyed. Special Republican Guard destroyed. Saddam killed or deposed. Iraqi people dance in streets. A peaceful coalition of Iraqi ethnic groups organizes, applies to the US for statehood, and is given provisional commonwealth status.
Scenario #4
Army destroyed. Republican Guard destroyed. Special Republican Guard destroyed. Saddam killed or deposed. Iraqi people dance in streets. Some initial chaos is controlled when all of the sudden this guy named “Akbar” or something turns out to be the rightful King of Iraq and agrees to be a figurehead and help organize free elections. Everyone throws him a big party.
Scenario #5
Army destroyed. Republican Guard destroyed. Special Republican Guard destroyed. Saddam killed or deposed. Iraqi people dance in streets. American GI’s get photographed in front of some big palace, looking all triumphant and stuff. Private Johnson gives a wistful salute to his (few) fallen comrades. We see the ghost of Sgt. Nobbs, saluting him back and smiling. Patriotic music swells. Suddenly, we hear a joyful barking. It’s Sparky - he’s alive! Credits roll.
Fanny Roborat
16 comments
John Isbell
July 18, 2003 at 2:38 pm
1Hoo boy! Guys, can I say “Let’s roll!” now? Look at me!
tim
July 18, 2003 at 4:01 pm
2There had to be a scenario in there where a
scrappy female private is rescued with the help of an Iraqi doctor. Or maybe they wrote that after the war started.
superskepticalman
July 18, 2003 at 5:19 pm
3Scenario #7
Army destroyed. Republican Guard destroyed. Special Republican Guard destroyed. Saddam killed or deposed. Iraqi people dance in streets. The old regime is broken down. (No, wait, that’s my favorite scenario from Civilization III that Daddy helps me win when I go to Maine. Never mind; hey, Wolfie, what’s an NIE again and why am I supposed to care? Can I play it like all my other computer games; pleeeze?)”
Bob
July 18, 2003 at 8:11 pm
4Army destroyed. Republican Guard destroyed. Special Republican Guard destroyed. Saddam killed or deposed. Just as civil unrest begins to build, Britney admits that she is not pure as the driven snow, but is more like the snow in downtown Buffalo after a hard winter. American public is immediately distracted. Unless, of course they already suspected as much, in which case we’re hosed.
Don
July 19, 2003 at 1:38 am
5Scenario #6:
Oops!
Now what do we do?
Who do we place the blame on?
Just remember it wasn’t The Shrub’s fault (of course).
"We Love The President" Day
July 19, 2003 at 3:26 am
6Army destroyed. Republican Guard destroyed. Special Republican Guard destroyed. Saddam killed or deposed. Iraqi people dance in streets. Iraqi people come together in a spirit of love and harmony and live in an anarchist utopia. Saddam’s flying pigs found in an abandoned warehouse in Tikrit and destroyed.
Rana
July 19, 2003 at 11:09 am
7Army destroyed. Republican Guard destroyed. Special Republican Guard destroyed. Saddam killed or deposed. Iraqi people dance in streets. Halliburton gets a wad of oil money. The rest of the Middle East cowers in fear. Israel-Palestinian crisis resolves in time for election. GWB (re?)elected. Pre-war naysayers given a big nyah-nyah. Iraqi people? Who dey?
mullaney
July 19, 2003 at 1:59 pm
8Nice blog, Adam. Are you supporting anyone for Pres yet?
mullaney from UCBT
lightning
July 19, 2003 at 6:47 pm
9Army destroyed. Republican Guard destroyed. Special Republican Guard destroyed. Saddam killed or deposed. Iraqi people dance in streets. Exiles return and set up new government. Iraqis are awestruck by exiles’ grasp of both Western technologies and Iraqi politics and follow along like baby ducks.
Anonymous
July 19, 2003 at 11:39 pm
10Rubber ducks.
John Isbell
July 20, 2003 at 10:06 am
11Tim: OK, I will - someone told me that the web address jessicalynch.com was bought six days before she went into battle. I haven’t even looked, go ahead if you want.
“Oops.”
“Whadda you mean, oops?”
Bill Cosby, “Oops.”
Great further scenarios. And that’s a terible thing to say about Britney.
Landis
July 20, 2003 at 12:35 pm
12I just love a good conspiracy theory. Unfortunately this one isn’t it. According to the whois database jessicalynch.com was created in March of 2000.
Of course the pentagon or CIA might have changed the creation date…..
John Isbell
July 20, 2003 at 5:55 pm
13Why TF did someone create that in 2000? Or am I being insulting about rural West Virginia? Hmm!
John Isbell
July 20, 2003 at 5:56 pm
14Of course, now i remember the number of times I’ve had to change my own name for an online password. Duh.
Steve
July 21, 2003 at 12:13 am
15Hey John, try it with the name is Steve Jones!
lightning
July 21, 2003 at 9:50 am
16Re jessicalynch.org — Take a look here. The page doesn’t have a date — it’s 15 Februaray 2003. Here’s a statement by the guy who owns jessicalynch.org.
Rats. Another perfectly good conspiricy theory ruined.