To: All administration personnel
From: Karl Rove
Re: Language, people, language!

Everyone has been performing beautifully of late. Especially the President. I am pleased.

But it’s time to finalize the WMD language shift. We’ve been moving towards it, but the Brits have already arrived at the final pre-weapons-find language mark, and we’re lagging. Here’s a brush-up on the main gist:

In all statements regarding our finding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, please insert “evidence of” before the phrase “WMD’s.” Alternatively, you may choose to append “programs” to any use of the word “weapons.”

So, for example, the sentence, “We have complete confidence that we are going to find WMD’s in Iraq,” now becomes “We have complete confidence that we are going to find evidence of WMD’s in Iraq.” The more informal statement, “We’re gonna find those weapons,” becomes “We’re gonna find those weapons programs.” See? “Right before the war, Iraq had illegal weapons programs.” Give it a try - it’s easy. [You too, Rummy.]

When a reporter, a Democrat, or any other traitor asks you about your wording, please deny there’s been any shift whatsoever and restate your sentence in the original phrasing (without “programs” and “evidence of”). The restatement should be accompanied by a tolerant smirk or eye-roll, as in “Look at the pedants I have to deal with here! Honestly!” This might seem contradictory or counterintuitive, but you must all, as ever, trust me. Eventually, they’ll tire of asking that question and the new formulation will attain preeminence.

It has come to my attention that some of you have been asking each other privately if we are indeed really going to find the WMD’s. The fact that you are asking shows a lack of trust. I am displeased. I trust you all, and the fact that my wiretaps and surveillance networks have shown that several of you are voicing these doubts makes it clear that this great trust is not always returned. This is troubling.

Still, I understand that these are difficult times, and I am inclined to forgive. All of you can rest assured that you may bathe in the dark and terrible light of my forgiveness and be cleansed therein. For behold! I have raised thee to greatness in accordance with our Pact, and the mighty tremble at your coming. Can anyone doubt the products of my preternatural Vision? Can you? Nay. So go forth, my beautiful minions, and continue our great works in my Name.

Hugs,

Karl