Like two prizefighters hugging opposite ropes in the early rounds, Presidential candidates George W. Bush and Adam Felber circled each other warily in New York City yesterday, each seeking an opening in the other’s seemingly impenetrable defenses…

Bush was having dinner at the midtown Sheraton Hotel, capping off a day wherein he pulled in about $4 million. Me, I was at a nearby restaurant, dining with a small group of supporters (technically, the other two members of my sketch comedy trio). My fundraising efforts produced a reasonably-priced chicken parmigiana and a basket of bread. Advantage: Bush, by four million dollars and a few appetizers.

Later, I took to the streets, garnering supportive smiles from everyone I came into contact with. Feeling a bit more assured, I ambled towards where the incumbent President was dining. I wanted to check out the new releases at the Virgin Megastore anyway. The Sheraton was ringed by hundreds upon hundreds of angry protesters, making speeches, bearing signs, calling for impeachment. I strolled by unmolested. Advantage: Felber, by hundreds and hundreds of protestors.

We’ll call the first Battle of New York a draw, then.

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Truth to tell, I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was by the size and vehemence of the protesting crowd. Whatever their various pet issues were, there’s a lot of general anger here in New York City when it comes to the federal and state governments. Out-of-towners might not have heard too much about this.

Well, you might have heard of certain terrorist attacks on our fair city. That made the news, if I’m not mistaken. In fact, it was a big part of the rationale behind the United States’ various military adventures. Millions of dollars and thousands of lives have been spent on wreaking revenge in our ongoing wars with the Ayatollah Saddam bin Laden of Iraqaedistan, after all.

What you may not be hearing about is the toll it’s taken on New York. National news tends to focus on the weird things that our tone-deaf mayor is doing to raise a few bucks, not the reasons behind it. I’ll make it simple:

Having the two largest buildings in your city and thousands of your citizens destroyed while remaining the world’s most desirable target for terrorist attacks isn’t as fun as it sounds. There’s still a gaping hole in the ground, displaced or eradicated businesses, and grieving families galore. There’s a hefty new monthly bill involved in staying at a constant “Orange Alert” while the rest of the nation spends most of its time standing down at “Yellow.” It all costs a lot of money, especially if you’re also trying to deal with a nationwide economic downturn.

The Bush government’s solution can be summed up in two words - “tough love.” Let us know they love us, and then go off and fight wars (that most of us disapproved of) in our name. Meanwhile, Bush won’t mollycoddle us by extending too much aid to guard our ports, bridges, or infrastructure. If we New Yorkers start expecting that kind of treatment, after all, we might start thinking that it’s the federal government’s job to ensure the physical security of our cities and citizenry.

The State of New York has been just as sympathetic. Just last month a commuter tax, which would’ve made the city’s work force at least partly responsible for helping maintain the roads and resources that they use daily, was struck down. “Things are tough all over,” was the message, “and now go fix that water main break, because the executive washroom on the 59th floor isn’t getting enough pressure in the shower. Thanks.”

It would be nice if Bush was taking as much care in rebuilding New York as he’s devoting to rebuilding Iraq. Then again, he’s not going to be picking up any electoral votes from either, and there’s no oil here. But when he uses 9/11 as both a rationale for war and part of his “trifecta” excuse for the flaccid economy, you’d think he’d spare a little more sympathy for the actual place where most of the attacks’ damage was done.

Nah. As I said, there are no votes here. Just a nice backdrop, which is why the Republican National Convention will coronate him here next year.

Note to conventioneers: Bring plenty of bottled water, all-terrain vehicles, and portable electric generators. You may need ‘em. This ain’t exactly Baghdad, you know.