Let’s pretend that there’s this really troubled Business and a few really influential Congressmen.
Now let’s pretend that the Business really needs a certain provision to be passed in Congress. A provision that would allow it to, oh let’s say… split into two companies so that it could both enjoy a certain protected status AND pass off all of its massive debt to consumers. Something like that. Okay?
Now let’s imagine that the Congressmen in question are doing just fine, donation-wise. As is their party. But they would like a few struggling unknown candidates to get some extra cash so as to shore up their party’s ranks in Congress.
Makes sense, doesn’t it? The Congressmen could never really be tied to the Business, at least not with a direct money trail, which would make them even more free to support that Business’ scheme in Congress.
So let’s say all that happens: the Business supports these candidates they’ve never heard of, the provision would start to make its way through Congress (with the votes of the powerful Congressmen who received, in essence, nothing from the Business), and everyone’s happy. [For the moment, let’s forget the aforementioned consumers. Or the voters. Or a certain weird chick who walks around wearing a blindfold and carrying scales. Forget all of them.]
The thing is, besides the Congressmen and the Business, nobody would ever know about this arrangement. How could they? There’s no law that says that the Congressmen or the Business have to tell anyone about any casual suggestions they may have made concerning certain laws or certain other candidates.
Unless…
Let’s pretend that the Business has made such a colossal hash of things with its mismanagement and its propensity for private jets and high-livin’ that a grand jury comes down on its head, causing the much-desired legislation to get killed and the Congressmen involved to flee like roaches when the lights get turned on. Logic dictates that for this to work, the Business would have to’ve committed said malfeasances at about the same time as they were buying the Congressmen, which would be an amazing confluence of stupidities.
Of course, then we’d know about it.
The moral of the story: If every business was as incompetent as Westar, we’d have a much cleaner government. Write your congressman now to demand a new “Every CEO must have an IQ of less than 85″ law now. The integrity of our democracy is at stake.





12 comments
Jin Wicked
June 8, 2003 at 3:05 am
1Let’s pretend that I just read your post, and as long as we’re pretending that, that I also listen to you on the radio and just found out about your blog, and since we’re saying all that happened, that I enjoyed reading it immensely. I also liked all the wedding pics — too cool. =) — Jin
Farberwear
June 8, 2003 at 3:29 am
2Republican Senators on the take? Boy, am I shocked.
Linkmeister
June 8, 2003 at 3:55 am
3Funny, I just read the same article you did, Adam. Also read the one where Delay spoke to Rove/Bush about the Texas redistricting ploy.
Pat R.
June 8, 2003 at 10:11 am
4Now hold on — are you implying that these righteous, clean-cut, god-fearing, church-going, Saddam-dumping public figures have allowed the lust for power to impair their judgment to the point of prostituting themselves for $$$$ and systematically lying to the public, whom they are supposed to serve? Is that what you’re saying?
Damn. You’d think the public would want to know about information like that. You’d think the public would be concerned, even outraged that there might be a pattern of deception and corruption that could lead to things like, say, forcing that same public to cover an incompetent business’s massive debt. Or to invading another country under the pretext of ‘liberation’ at the cost of thousands of innocent civilian lives, not to mention the lives of many good young Americans.
The American public would want to know about things like that. Wouldn’t they?
Bob
June 8, 2003 at 10:25 am
5Did any of these businessmen or Congressmen cheat on their spouses, then lie about it under oath? If not, then I can’t see why the American people would be the least bit interested. Because, when you come right down to it, that’s the only aspect of character that really matters, right?
Mark N.
June 8, 2003 at 2:37 pm
6—
Ken Johnson, a spokesman for Republicans on the House Energy and Commerce Committee, said, “No one on our committee is going to risk going to jail over a campaign contribution. There was never any implied or expressed quid pro quo.”
—
I enjoy how he brought up jail time on his own. Is he concerned about jail time?
Abe
June 8, 2003 at 3:03 pm
7I’m hoping like hell Bob posed his questions with his tongue deeply in his cheek. ‘Cause if he didn’t, if there are people actually thinking along those lines, the Republicans have nothing to fear and we are all deeply f- — why, hello, Mrs. Felber!
Mark N.
June 8, 2003 at 6:10 pm
8Honestly, Abe, which do you think you are more likely to find on a Fanatical Apathy board: an anti-Clinton-obsessed Republican, or a humorous liberal speaking with their tongue planted firmly in their cheek? Hello, Mrs. Felber!
Bob
June 8, 2003 at 8:15 pm
9Abe called me a Republican - make him stop, Mrs. Felber!
Anonymous Mommie
June 9, 2003 at 10:19 am
10We’ll have no more of this firm cheek planting, children, and that’s that!
Chicory
June 9, 2003 at 11:36 am
11Know what the worst part of “Let’s Pretend” is? That it’s not pretend.
Ollie from Olympia
June 9, 2003 at 2:31 pm
12Jeez, with the way things are going I’m beginning to distrust our selected leaders. Why don’t you just cheer us up by showing more photos of Sue Ellicot. oops, sorry Mrs. Felbar.