I won’t have too much time to post today, as I’ll be extremely busy with the 52nd Street Project’s annual benefit.
However, I thought I’d share with you the fruits of my first efforts at campaign iconography.
It’s been brought to my attention that in today’s fast-paced world, merely speaking to the issues surrounding one’s presidential campaign may not be enough. It seems that some sort of public appeal, or “advertising,” might be necessary. With that in mind, I’ve undertaken to create a bill, a “poster” if you will, that might adequately reflect my abilities and serve as a sort of visual introduction to the voting public. This bill, as I understand it, will in time be reproduced many times so that it may be posted in public gathering places. Such are the workings of modern political machines, or so I’m led to understand.
Bear in mind that this is only the first such attempt, and I’m certain that it may be important, over time, to hone and refine my approach towards the general populace in order to effect the broadest possible appeal. Still, I’m quite proud of my initial effort, and am confident that it will place me up among the “front-runners” for the Presidency.
Please, by all means, be thorough and honest in your appraisal of the efficacy of my initial sally into the world of political advertising. While I believe I’ve covered all the salient details, it would be folly for me to assume that I couldn’t improve upon my ability to stir the hearts and minds of the common man.
Yours & etc.,
Adam Felber
Candidate
Fanny Roborat
23 comments
Farberwear
May 12, 2003 at 6:09 am
1Adam, please run as a Republican. We can get rid of Bush early on if you win. Also, drop the anti-baby eating position, please. Many of your core voters love the taste of the other other white meat.
Dee
May 12, 2003 at 8:27 am
2Unless your campaign slogan is “Dead Men Raise No Taxes” you might want to consider a different picture.
Mike
May 12, 2003 at 9:26 am
3Not to pick nits, but that’s “populace”, not “populous”.
Love the poster, by the way. You’ve got *my* vote.
adam
May 12, 2003 at 9:41 am
4thanks Mike. Fixed. But is Dee suggesting that I am somehow - oh, what is the phraee - out of touch?
Personally, I feel that today’s youth, who are an extremely important vote, will rise to this call with alacrity.
Murray
May 12, 2003 at 10:26 am
5If you figure that 3/4 of the American population is of average or less than average intelligence, and half of the remaining 1/4 benefit from the current administration, then you are aimed squarely at the liberal intellectual eighth. A really fun group who love to mix it up over weather it’s “further than” or “farther then”. Bread plate left, drink on right? Vodka or Gin Martini? In other words people who strike terror in the hearts of split infinitives and heavy eye glaze in American voters. Lead us on Oh Adam!
Dee
May 12, 2003 at 2:45 pm
6Today’s youth could hardly PRONOUNCE alacrity, much less rise with it. But they don’t vote anyway, so who cares?
While your vocabulary may resonate with the AARP++ crowd (who really DO go to the polls) I still say that picture would only remind them that their wills need updating.
Anne
May 12, 2003 at 2:48 pm
7Or whether it’s “weather” or “whether”!
John Isbell
May 12, 2003 at 3:27 pm
8This is a fine poster. But you should have a dog. All candidates have dogs. And possibly some Aryan children and wife.
Please don’t be f***ing the dog in the poster though.
Don
May 12, 2003 at 4:18 pm
9I was going to suggest that you save the photo for future use — just rotate it 90 degrees (preferably face up) — and you’ll be all set for that necessary funereal pose.
But too many commentors have already been leaning in that direction, so I won’t.
On the other hand, it is important to keep the fun in funeral.
Ken
May 12, 2003 at 4:29 pm
10Adam, a little practical media consultation here, if I may:
Remember, your constituancy is multicultral, and as such, your advertisements (pronounced with the accent on ‘vert’, and a short ‘i’ sound) should reflect as much. My suggestion is a series of such posters - same pose, same expression, but with different outfits and different exclamations on each. Oh, sure, “huzzah” goes over just fine with the tea and crumpets crowd in Nantucket or the Lower East Side, but if you’re going to appeal to the masses, you’re going to have to communicate with them. To wit, a few potential alternatives:
1. Texas Adam: Of course, the most important thing is to draw off Bush’s voter base. Dress in jeans, flannel shirt with bolo, cowboy boots and hat. Tagline - “Booyah!”
2. Rural South Adam: They’re just waiting for a candidate who sports a mullet, and wears Nascar memorabilia well. Tagline - a fist-pumpin’ “Woof!”
3. Midwest Christian Conservative: Perhaps a seersucker suit and a boater, recalling the Professor Harold Hill look. Tagline, “One Nation, Under God, Indivisible…”
4. Western Athiest Liberal: Casual Friday best - which is worn every day of the week out here. Tagline, “One Nation, Under the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, Indivisible…”
5. Hawaii: Kakhi shorts, floral print shirt, flip-flops and a lei. Tagline: “Aloooooo-HA!”
Hopefully by now, you get the idea. In this way, each and every voter will see you as ‘their’ candidate. Plus, it’s fun to play dress-up.
Sue
May 12, 2003 at 4:57 pm
11Adam,
If you’re going to take Ken’s advice and play dress-up, you may as well do one more poster for the cross-dressing contingent: picture hat,pearls, very Dorothy Michaels.
Plus, you’d need a different, more foo-foo dog - with which you must also be behaving (or being have - long a)
C. Haught
May 12, 2003 at 5:58 pm
12It’s not surprising at all that the hacks at the Daily Mail and at Lord Tubby Black’s Telegraph said the same thing about you.
Evan
May 12, 2003 at 7:33 pm
13You simply must get a bowler, old chap. Aside from that, you look simply smashing!
MP
May 12, 2003 at 8:32 pm
14Stick to pictures of yourself with cute girls . . . no one is as desired as the guy the desirables desire, yes?
Mark
May 13, 2003 at 6:04 am
15Smile, get a toupee, either airbrush those bags away or get an eyelift, use an edge-preserving smooth filter rather than a watercolor filter on yourself, change your outfit to presidential casual, and don’t touch yourself.
Mark
May 13, 2003 at 6:12 am
16Also, get some American flags behind you, and don’t use elegant, formal script in your ads. You might also try waving, as though to a large crowd of enthusiastic constituents. Outdoor shots are good, as well. With flags. Waving to your enthusiastic constituents. And if not presidential casual, try a navy blue wool suit with crimson silk tie.
StephS
May 13, 2003 at 8:33 am
17While your pose and expression are quite dignified, your poster’s background also serves to relay a message to potential voters. Does the background of a hotel room with price sheet posted above the door’s peep hole convey a message of “At least I’m honest about where I’m spending my afternoons” or “I was primping after a romp with Kitty, my favorite plum smuggling prostitute, before rushing off to shake more hands and couldn’t find a better place to stand”?
Chicory
May 13, 2003 at 4:38 pm
18OK. Here is my contribution to the more “informal” poster:
Bob
May 13, 2003 at 11:32 pm
19I’ll happily vote for you. Huzzah!
Mommie
May 14, 2003 at 10:10 am
20It’s nice, Adam, but I fear a touch too casual. There is definitely a bit of your neck showing.
And shouldn’t you be wearing gloves?
Dignity! That’s what voters want.
michael
May 15, 2003 at 7:10 pm
21btw: wouldn’t “redoubtable” mean that we can disbelieve you again and again?
Kate
May 20, 2003 at 1:38 am
22I shall rise to this call with ala-, ala-, alacrity! (See, today’s youth can pronounce alacricity, do understand its meaning, and will be voting in the 2004 election…) Vive les jeunes!
Anne
May 24, 2003 at 5:53 pm
23I agree completely with Kate-we can pronounce alacrity (as well as know what it means) & vote pour vous in the 2004 election- at the rate the Democrats are going, I’d vote for Mickey Mouse just to find someone who’s not playing the ventriloquist dummy. Cheers et bon chance!