Monthly Archive

“WASHINGTON - Muslims at the Pentagon are incensed by what they say is an insensitive invitation to evangelist Rev. Franklin Graham, who has called Islam an “evil religion,” to preach on Good Friday at the Defense Department.”
- from Reuters

[Our guest preacher.]
Welcome, one and all. Good Friday. What’s so all-fired good about it? […]

Our lightning strike has brought on Saddam’s fall.
Where next now that we’ve sterilized Iraq?
Iran it seems is anxious to play ball,
Pyongyang is out because they might fight back.
Foul Libya’s been quiet for too long,
We’d need far too much time to build the case.
And China’s far too rich and far too strong,
So Syria is Terror’s brand […]

To: All Iraqi (former!) Dissidents
From: Ryan Crocker, Deputy Assistant Sec. of State
Re: Tuesday’s Meeting
Gentlemen;
These are exciting days, yes? On behalf of the State Department, Gen. Tommy Franks, and the whole coalition, I’d like to thank you all for your invaluable help in bringing down the tyrannical regime of Saddam […]

Dear Gun Makers and Gun Dealers;
As you may have guessed, the current preoccupation with the war and the attendant general goodwill towards firearms gave us the unique window of opportunity to pass the previously unpassable sweeping Gun Lawsuit Immunity Bill. And pass it we have!
For your edification, here are some Frequently Asked […]

INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY
[PRESIDENT BUSH sits at his desk amid a heap of souvenirs of his recent trip. Also present are COLIN POWELL, DICK CHENEY, and DONALD RUMSFELD.]
BUSH: …and then I made the speech and then we had dinner and then Tony gave me another present and then-
CHENEY: Hrrrm. That’s […]

” The Al Jazeera reporter Tariq Ayoub, a Jordanian, was standing on the roof of the station’s office just after dawn, doing a live broadcast of the warfare in Baghdad when the building was hit, by two air to surface missiles, officials at Al Jazeera headquarters said.”
- from The New York Times
I was surfing the […]

Akron, as some of you may have heard, was wonderful. The noble Akronians (and their near neighbors, the fierce Cantonese) welcomed me with open arms, all petty concerns about so-called “unpaid bills” and so-called “restraining orders” forgotten in a rush of wartime bonhomie.
I come back to a world transformed; baseball season has begun, we’re […]

It’s spring, and eager, coltish young 1st-term Congresspersons frolic and gambol among the cherry blossoms, scurrying and circling the more senior lawmakers, eager to please and impress, honing their skills and trying to make their marks in the vernal sunlight.
They bolt onto committees, exuberantly push forward the bills they’d promised last fall, play and tussle […]

The Midwest Peace Process
I’ll be heading to Akron in a few hours, there to entertain and enlighten the masses. Or at least to give ‘em the opportunity to buy me a few drinks [note to Ohio - bourbon on the rocks]. I’ll give you a full report upon my return, and as I’ll […]

It seems that Neal Pollack’s “Make Fun of the Cheneys Day” has been a smashing success, with dozens of web satirists rushing in to defend the honor and increasingly-alienable rights of the wonderful whitehouse.org.
Neal’s own offering is a thoroughly evil celebration of the Right to Ridicule, and as such I would caution you […]