PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY OFFICES - DAY

[After making his first policy speech, Abu Mazen enters the offices with Yasser Arafat.]

MAZEN: Well, that went all right.

ARAFAT: Quite well, my friend. Please, come in.

MAZEN: Hmm. Nice office.

ARAFAT: It is yours.

MAZEN: It is?

ARAFAT: Well, part of it - this is your desk right here. Please, have a seat.

[A thump is heard, followed by a clatter.]

MAZEN: Ow! Why’d you do that?

ARAFAT: Do what, my friend?

MAZEN: You pulled the chair out from under me!

ARAFAT: You are mistaken.

MAZEN: No. I saw… Okay. So, now the confirmation process begins.

ARAFAT: Indeed. There will be resistance from Hamas, but we will overcome it.

[A phone rings.]

ARAFAT: Pardon me.

MAZEN: Certainly.

ARAFAT: Hello? Yes, I am here with him now. What? It was a disaster. The man is an Israeli puppet, and not fit to be Prime Minister… I beg your pardon? Yes, yes, I think that’s our only option. Do it next Thursday. No witnesses. Yes. And burn the body. Thanks. Bye!

MAZEN: Wh- What was that?

ARAFAT: What? That was my mother.

MAZEN: No it wasn’t! You just made arrangements to have me killed!

ARAFAT: What? That’s absurd, my friend. I did no such thing.

MAZEN: I heard it.

ARAFAT: I was referring to a different Prime Minister. A guy I know in… Sweden.

MAZEN: You expect me to believe-

ARAFAT: Listen to me. You have had a difficult day. Think: Why would I do such a thing?

MAZEN: Yes. I suppose that is true.

ARAFAT: Here, sit down, I will bring you some water.

MAZEN: Yes, okay.

[A thump is heard, followed by a clatter.]

MAZEN: Son of a bitch! You did it again!

ARAFAT: What now, my friend?

MAZEN: Stop pulling the chair out from under me!

ARAFAT: Are we going to spend our time trading accusations or moving forward?

MAZEN: Just stay over there, will you?

ARAFAT: Certainly.

MAZEN: Now, about our demands for removal of the Israeli settlements -

ARAFAT: I love you.

MAZEN: - it seems that this is a concession that we can actually hope to achieve -

ARAFAT: I love you. Marry me.

MAZEN: - with the help of some… Excuse me, what?

ARAFAT: What?

MAZEN: Did you say you loved me?

ARAFAT: No.

MAZEN: You did. You said you loved me and you wanted to marry me.

ARAFAT: Are you insane? What abomination is this?

MAZEN: I heard it! You said it!

ARAFAT: My friend, you must control yourself. I love you, yes, but as a brother. You are overwrought. Listen to me. If we are going to work together, we must have stability in this office.

MAZEN: Yes. Yes, this is true.

ARAFAT: And it is in both our interests to treat each other with respect and honesty. Jumping and screaming and accusing each other of things we may or may not have done is useless.

MAZEN: Yes, of course, Chairman.

ARAFAT: Now perhaps we can return to the discussion of effecting an Israeli withdrawal?

MAZEN: With pleasure. Forgive me.

ARAFAT: Not at all. Here, sit down.

MAZEN: Thank you.

[A thump is heard, followed by a clatter.]

etc.