Further Proof of Saddam-Terror Connection, White House Says
Washington, Saturday (FA wire) - Over four million members of the Al Qaeda terrorist network emerged briefly from hiding at various locations around the world today, chanting anti-American slogans and denouncing the United States’ upcoming war against Iraq, bolstering the Bush administration’s evidence of Iraqi-Al Qaeda collusion.
The terrorists disappeared just as quickly, expertly melting in among the general population.
“Their level of sophistication and ability to rally their support network is truly staggering,” said one senior administration official, saying that the action underscored the need to act firmly against Iraq and to strengthen the Patriot Act in order to prevent further terrorist activity.
The simultaneous worldwide action could have caused up to $340 billion in property and massive loss of life, according to sources. “We don’t have the figures yet,” said a ranking intelligence official, “but that’s a projection of what we could be looking at.”
The White House views the assault as a blatant attempt to sabotage American efforts to disarm Saddam Hussein, providing “proof positive” of a strong link between worldwide terrorism and Saddam Hussein.
“People requestered a smoking gun, and now they’ve got one. As far as evidence goes, this is pretty inconvertable,” said one White House Chief Executive, who asked not be identified further than that.
No immediate retaliation is planned, but the Department of Homeland Security urged Americans to be on “Dark Orange alert, maybe even Burnt Umber,” to report any suspicious activities immediately, and to stock up on duct tape, bottled water, prescription drugs, and “any of the fine products put out by your friends in America’s oil industry.”
Fanny Roborat
35 comments
Landis
February 15, 2003 at 4:35 pm
1Nice twist, never looked at it that way. Also liked the point I just heard on WWDTM about duct tape being gas pourous so it wouldn’t even do the slightest bit of good.
Out here in the SF Bay Area the protests, er, emergence of terrorist networks, were put off until tomorrow (Sunday) due to a previously scheduled Chinese New Years parade. So we’ll be marching tomorrow. You’d think they could reschedule New Year’s just this once.
So much for synchronicity…
Osama Bin Deena
February 15, 2003 at 7:08 pm
2Why not just follow the lead of the State Department and say "The hell with the Chinese…and the French…and the Germans…and the Russians…and the Belgians…" and the list goes on.
kathryn
February 15, 2003 at 7:33 pm
3In Germany 500000 Al Qaeda Members snuck out of their university classes and flying lessons to gather on Berlins streets to protest the war and there were rallies in 65 other cities … in a country that officially ‘opposes’ the war.
Antsy
February 15, 2003 at 7:52 pm
4(Three minutes of laughter.)
Thousands of Al-Quaeda terrorists are still out marching in the streets here in L.A. as I read your article. Unfortunately, the bombing won’t come till after they’ve faded away…
I wonder who that anonymous White House Chief Executive could have been? I think he should be forced to tell us who and what the heck he really is.
Bill Boutell
February 15, 2003 at 8:40 pm
5So, how do we impeach an unelected President? Would he be Peached?
Don
February 16, 2003 at 1:10 am
6Obviously the only response is to bomb the Iraqis to dust and to increase the Patriot Act to the point that Americans lose all their rights.
Or is it to bomb the Americans to dust and take all rights away from the Iraqis?
Oh, don’t worry about details. Either one will do. Just <b>do</b> it and do it <b>now!</B>!
cuz
February 16, 2003 at 5:12 am
7I was out there because I got the call to march over Osama’s underground network, Pacifica Radio.
Ellen
February 16, 2003 at 5:41 am
8Shocking, really. At the Eugene, OR, er… terrorist insurgance, one of the signs noted that it was constructed using anti-terror duct tape. There were also several terrorist dogs and children. (I was there in a strictly investagatory role, of course, Mr. Ashcroft. Perfectly innocent.)
Perhaps we should be even more recklessly panicked by the fact that one attendee of yesterdays’s events was a member of the US House of Representatives.
Richard Bennett
February 16, 2003 at 6:56 am
9"There will be no march for the victims of Saddam, no protests about the thousands of children that die needlessly every year under his rule, no righteous anger over the torture chambers which if he is left in power, will be left in being.
"I rejoice that we live in a country where peaceful protest is a natural part of our democratic process.
"But I ask the marchers to understand this.
"I do not seek unpopularity as a badge of honour. But sometimes it is the price of leadership. And the cost of conviction.
"But as you watch your TV pictures of the march, ponder this:
"If there are 500,000 on that march, that is still less than the number of people whose deaths Saddam has been responsible for.
"If there are one million, that is still less than the number of people who died in the wars he started." — British Prime Minister Tony Blair
Anonymous
February 16, 2003 at 11:19 am
10And how many of the "people" will die if Bush administration goes ahead with it’s testosterone extravaganza? Who will march for them?
Is Saddam a liar and a murderer? You bet. The Bush administration, on the other hand, is full of liars. If they go ahead with this absurdly self-righteous, transparently mercenary war, they will also become murderers.
It is so pitifully convenient to wave the flag of "the victims," when the ones who will bear the brunt of the U.S. government’s bizarre show of arrogance and short-sightedness will be the Iraqi people.
small child
February 16, 2003 at 11:50 am
11Testosterone extravaganza…nice
Since some of my friends are "terrorists", I guess I’m part of the conspiracy too. We call it "Project Sanity."
esp
February 16, 2003 at 12:41 pm
12I am requesterizing duct tape and plastic sheeting. Since duct tape comes in colors we can coordinate with the alert of the day.
Sara J
February 16, 2003 at 3:23 pm
13IndyMedia reports there are actually more than 11 million of us…
I saw a dog who also is a terrorist. He was carrying a sign saying "George Bush is an excellent president…For Me To Poop On!"
I shook his paw.
dong
February 16, 2003 at 3:51 pm
14Look, what’s really important here is the fact that duct tape It is indeed airtight… the suggestion for it’s use with plastic was derived from it’s use in Israel when Iraqi missiles were used to deploy gases and bacteria during the Gulf War.
Duct tape is also water tight, and will handily bond woodland creatures from size squirrel right up to moderate beaver to one and other with no chance for escape.
kevin
February 16, 2003 at 5:18 pm
15"This land is your land, this land is my la…." What? Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. President.
Elliott
February 16, 2003 at 6:22 pm
16I live out in the middle of Bum F@#k Egypt in Monmouth, Oregon and I just received a mailing for free terrorist coverage. I make wine, but there have to be more important sites than a producer of Pinot Noir.
If anyone hits my grape plants, I will unleash some really unpalatable wine upon the French, Germans and Belgians. Take that!! Damn those Peace-makers!
Also, we have "no war on Iraq" signs out in the middle of conservative farm land. The heartland is not going along with the Shrub!
Sara J
February 16, 2003 at 7:12 pm
17Ellen, our very own "Jihad Jim" McDermott spoke at the Seattle rally, giving al Qaeda NW new status. That great terrorist revolutionary, Sherman Alexie–whose people have the gall to claim they were here first!–also appeared.
Dong, can duct tape be used on animals as large as donkeys and elephants? What about bears and bulldogs? It appears those Frogs are too slippery to be bound by it….
ishmael
February 16, 2003 at 8:04 pm
18I was/am one of those terrierists–selling signs to others who are opposed to that sonovabitch Cocker Spaniel (and that poodle across the big pond). I’m part of a group that calls itself the "Cognitive Dissidents" (our motto is "we know what’s going on … and we don’t like it!").
Blair, and other pro-warriorists, use such bogus arguments. They criticize marchers for not caring about Saddam’s victims. Well, where are Bush and Blair when it comes to concerns about "human rights"? Have they been leaders on this issue heretofore? Or are they just the opportunist crocodiles that they appear?
(Further: have those two dogs of war been on the forefront of enforcing all the U.N. resolutions? Have they been leading the way to rid the world of WMD’s where ever they may be found? Do they try to promote "democracy" in all countries that don’t have it? Have the prisoners in Cuba been tortured? Why not rid the world of land-mines?)
Richard Bennett
February 16, 2003 at 9:43 pm
19To Ishmael and his fellow racists, I would simply point out that you can take any grievances you may have with President Bush and Prime Minister Blair to the ballot box, and if your numbers are as vast as you think, you’ll win a victory so resounding that no court can deny it to you.
The people of Iraq, on the other hand, have no such recourse, so it’s good that you folks do recognize on which side of the debate on their freedom you stand.
plagos
February 16, 2003 at 9:51 pm
20ismael-how DARE you slander cocker spaniels? my cocker is against the war, and would gladly poop on w, if given half a chance!
Elliott
February 16, 2003 at 10:03 pm
21Ishmael, I did not know you were a racist as Richard Bennet asserts. Which do you hate more; dogs or crocodiles? And plagos, my clab (collie and lab) mix would poop on the whole administration if we were close enough.
Raya
February 17, 2003 at 12:05 am
22Silly me, I didn’t realize until too late that it was a terrorist action I was joining. That explains the grim tactics used by the NYPD…I thought they were gassing their own people, but really they were protecting red-blooded American motorists from the inconvenience of having their streets blocked by terrorists!
Fortunately, I’ve found some photos and a narrative that may help us smoke out some more of these terrorists, at http://distributethis.org/berylium/document-feb15protest.html …
Where should I send them? To the mayor?
Landis
February 17, 2003 at 12:37 am
23Like I said at the beginning of this comment box: the march in SF was moved to Sunday. So today some friends and I stopped by to add a little to the numbers and I took some photos.
If anyone’s interested I’ve posted 2 immersive images (QTVR) on my website here:
<a href="http://www.360Geographics.com/Xper/BartSceneM.mov" target="none">http://www.360Geographics.com/Xper/BartSceneM.mov</a> (614k QT)
<a href="http://www.360Geographics.com/Xper/TruthfulBushM.mov" target="none">http://www.360Geographics.com/Xper/TruthfulBushM.mov</a> (794k QT)
You’ll be needing quicktime in order to view them but if you don’t have it you can get it <a href="http://www.apple.com/quicktime/" target="none">here</a> for free for both Windows and Mac.
Enjoy
dong
February 17, 2003 at 9:58 am
24The duct taping of donkeys and elephants togther is fine, Sara, but for god’s sake, stop letting them on Tim Russert.
It’s not cute anymore.
Bobby
February 17, 2003 at 10:07 am
25Terrorist operatives used snow machines to paralyze the nation’s capitol. Snow is tainted with some poisonous, pollution like substance. Area residents subjected to visual torture in via liberal media - unshowered liberal newsmen yacking twenty-four hours straight about snow.
Anonymous
February 17, 2003 at 10:32 am
26hmm…I wonder if Osama issued a videotape calling for this "I call all people, Muslims ans non-Muslims, to march peacefully-now don’t hurt anyone-for what is right in the world"…interesting concept
Rana
February 17, 2003 at 12:55 pm
27I had a really scary epiphany last week, and this just serves to feed my anxiety. The epiphany was this:
Take the following 3 observations:
(1) The Bush administration is an uncritical ally of dictatorships like that of Saudi Arabia. (Not unique to this administration, however.)
(2) They repeatedly express their irritation with democratically elected world leaders who (surprise) represent the anti-war views of their electorates rather than acting like "real" leaders like Tony Blair who don’t.
(3) Bush speaks proudly of being a president who is not swayed by polls.
(4) The president was not elected by anything resembling a mandate, but continues to pursue extremely partisan aims rather than trying to serve a broad constituency.
(Here’s the epiphany…)
We can explain all four simultaneously if we assume that, for all its lip service to "democracy," this administration believes in no such thing, and in fact, is a wanna-be dictatorship.
Scary, huh? (And now they’re going to take me away, call me an "enemy combatant," and no one will ever figure out what happens to me.)
Thank god for folks like Adam who give me reasons to laugh anyway!
Rana
February 17, 2003 at 12:56 pm
28Whoops, that should be 4 observations. Serves me right for not bothering to hit "preview."
Will-o'-the-Wisp
February 17, 2003 at 9:30 pm
29Richard Bennett: perhaps you know of administration plans to institute a real and effective democracy in Iraq after the war. However, I suspect that their plan is to institute a helpless government grossly overrepresented by Kurds that is rubber-stamped by a loud but incoherent group of "representatives of the people", and whose only virtue is its firm allegiance and unlimited oil for the United States in return for bringing them to power.
Richard Bennett
February 18, 2003 at 3:41 am
30Even if that were the Administration’s plan, Will, it would be an improvement over the present situation in Iraq, wouldn’t it?
And we in the United States could then elect a President more inclined to support full-fledged democratic reforms in the next election, unlike, say, the Iraqis under your boy Saddam.
It’s complicated, isn’t it?
OK, I’ve made your head hurt, so let’s tell some more doggie jokes. Have you heard the one about Alec Baldwin, a dog, and some duct tape?
adam
February 18, 2003 at 3:19 pm
31Richard-
"Your boy Saddam?" Now <i>that’s</i> constructive.
But that points out what’s so hamfisted about Bush’s foreign policy. No nuances. You’re either fer us or agin’ us.
Now me, I’m like a lot of moderate liberals: I think Saddam Hussein’s a miserable despot who oughta be removed from power. But it’s HOW it’s done that’s the issue.
For instance, I’d assume that you would not support nuking Bagdhad tomorrow morning. Probably not even if our President thought it was a good idea. Right?
So why is so hard to understand that the Bush administration’s approach right now strikes some people as wrong, despite the rightness of the cause? To me, I think that alienating all of our traditional allies and presenting the idea that the United States is willing to act alone against Middle East regimes is a TERRIBLE idea, particularly at this moment in history. And the overthrow of Saddam could’ve been done, and perhaps still COULD be done, <i>without</i> doing this.
Is that such a hard point to comprehend? We humorists demand a much more reasoned variety of debate than you get on "Crossfire."
konrad
February 19, 2003 at 11:14 pm
32Haha, some of you americans are really funny, or is it just pure stupidity that can be that amusing?
The fact that you let yourself rule by a pseudodemocratic leadership under the rule of that big plant is just unbelievable. And some of you even believe all that junk and pro-war propaganda lies, or is it just the overpatriotic ignorance and faith in a de facto illegal government?
Don’t you see that you allready are at war? Don’t you notice the bomb-raids of "targets" (if you can find targets in a country that can’t even support its own citizens with fresh water) in the so called "no-fly zone" in northern and southern Iraq? Oh, something about this no-fly zone, which covers about 2/3 of Iraq’s land, it was never ratified by the UN, so the US and Great Britain de facto are violating the charta of the UN, human rights and rights for the peace when entering sovereign Iraqi airspace or even attacking targets within the boundaries of this country! Something to think about when accusing Iraq of violating UN resolutions…
The fact that the demonstrations against a war on Iraq this Saturday just shows how much this republican leader apparently doesn’t cares about the democratic opinions of over 15 million people around this planet (who actually actively protested the war, but who knows how many more oppose the war too but didn’t go outside, or had to fear imprisonment and torture ,e.g. Egypt).
To start a preemptive attack-war on another country would also set an example for other countries to solve their problems with neighbors the same way: just accuse them with some vague and untrue evidence, throw some lies at them, and then just invade them. That is THE intelligent solution for all problems in the 21th century! And who showed the world this truely awesoe way? Yes, the glorious leader of the Uited States of America brought this great idea to the people of this planet! Praise and worship Bush jr. , the best of all leaders, for he brought us THE solution (and it’s so easy too)!
Just to remark something, since I’m German I used to dislike the French government for its arrogance and excessive influence in the European Union and certain issues within it(but this is a whole other story), but right now, I just LOVE THE FRENCH! Their great government says all these awesome harsh things to the eastern european countries, who want to become members of the EU but support a war on Iraq, and stands on the same sane point like the government and people of Germany and Belgium. I just hope that they stick to their oppinion and don’t let themselves buy out with some Bushish capitalist methods! But right now, they are great!
But don’t get that wrong, I’m not Anti-American, I love this country and its people, I wouldn’t live and study here right now if I would be !!
ishmael
February 21, 2003 at 2:47 am
33Adam, don’t forget that Richard also called me "racist". I guess that is because I am a member of Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, Center for Victims of Torture, Doctors Without Borders, and other international organizations that are working for the betterment of humankind. He wants to lie to himself and assume that I dont’ care a fig about Iraqis, whereas he and the Bushies are the only charitable ones on the planet.
There is a recognized concerted effort among hardline conservatives to insert themselves into erstwhile progressive internet sites, and cause disruption.
Is that what you’re up to Richard, or do you really like what Adam does, otherwise?
phaedrus
February 22, 2003 at 1:54 pm
34Will-o-the-wisp, you are so wrong! The reality is even worse. Kurds in the Iraqi government? C’mon, man, they were sold out in the bargaining (er, I mean, Negotiations) with Turkey a long time ago! The current plan is to leave the Bathist govt. intact, only replacing Saddam with Tommy Franks. Can you say "occupation"? (Hint: it doesn’t rhyme with "democracy").
And to Adam: do you really think any Chief Exec currently in the White House could actually pronounce the word "incontrovertable"? Details, dude, details!
Mavis
January 11, 2006 at 1:55 am
35I just wanted to pop in and say hi… so… Hi!