With Iran’s announcement that they’re opening a uranium ore processing plant, the Axis of Evil’s strategy has finally become clear to U.S. intelligence agencies.

“Great horny toads! The carnsounded critters are messin’ with us, dagnabbit,” said one source close to the investigation.

Analysts say that Iran’s announcement is but the latest gambit in a strategy known as “International Whack-a-Mole,” wherein evil nations pop up and announce evil programs repeatedly, only to slip under the radar before the United States can hit them with a big, furry mallet.

“The terrifying endgame to this strategy is what we should guard against,” said an intelligence official who asked to be identified only as a ’super-genius,’ “Just when we think we’ve got all the holes covered, one of them will appear behind us with an even bigger mallet, and the resulting whacking will cause us to make disturbing accordion-like noises as we stagger away. Trust me, I’ve seen it.”

The case that all the evildoers are “in cahoots” was only strengthened yesterday, when a U.S.-led allied charge into a cave in Afghanistan was cut short when the cave “entrance” turned out to be merely painted on a rock wall. Several coalition soldiers sustained “minor but hilarious injuries.” “It’s mystifying,” said a military spokesman, “Several of our operatives saw suspected Al Qaeda members fleeing into that cave just moments beforehand!”

Still, there is cause for optimism. Today the Bush Administration announced a $65 billion contract with the ACME Corporation to develop and produce a new generation of “rocket boots,” that will enable our soldiers to pursue the enemy at superfast speeds. “I’d wike to see them wun fwom THAT,” said President Bush with a chuckle, “Wet’s put it this way - this time we have them wight where we want ‘em!”

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